Just got back tonight from 6 days in San Antonio to see #1 son graduate from basic training at Lackland AFB. He is now an Airman First Class, was an Honors Graduate and achieved the highest number of commendations in his flight. It was an amazing vacation filed with pride and emotion.
I have a lot of catching up to do here, I see...
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Tel, Congratulations on your sons accomplishment!! You and he will remember that day for the rest of your lives, you, for what he did, and him, because you were there!!
OORAH FLYBOYS!!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Hi, TM! I'm so glad to read you had a great trip to Texas! I can only imagine how awesome it was for you to reunite with your son. Congratulations to him on his great achievements. I know how very proud you are of him! I must say I'm not surprised, as "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
Thanks, everyone. It was difficult returning to "the situation" back home; would much rather be sitting on the San Antonio Riverwalk in the warm sunshine with my kids.
Small side note: I flew down with my daughter, XW #1, her husband and her mother. We had a great time together; I've always been very fond of XW's husband and her mother, and it was completely tension-free. It seems ironic that I had a better time with them than I would have with my W. Yesterday my daughter told me everyone was glad W did not come, even if things between us had been OK. Guess they saw things I never saw.
My situation remains unchanged. Have not had any contact with W in 3 weeks. She continues to drag her feet with the D. I find myself missing having someone in the house with me; someone to have meals with; someone to share the bed with; someone just to help with the day-to-day household chores.
It is difficult to let go of the sadness and anger. I am sad that what I thought was a good marriage was a sham. I am angry that my W not only deceived me and my kids about her true feelings, but invested very little of herself in our marriage and our lives. During the trip, my son and daughter and I were able to spend some time alone, and the conversation came around to the situation. They both told me they never felt that W was committed to me, them or the marriage; that there was always a wall between her and us.
I am deeply hurt by her not only leaving our home, but having the OM move in with her while we are still married; the ultimate slap in the face. She has created a whole new life that I am no part of. I constantly struggle to not think of her giving herself intimately to him while she is still my wife. And yet she still lies about their relationship. I feel like a fool who let her walk all over me for the past 9 months. I was being the "nice guy" and trying to not make waves so she could find herself. All that time she was carefully planning her exit strategy and her new life with the OM.
And what is the result? A 2nd divorce, financial hardship, emotional pain and misery for both of us. She is working 3 jobs to try to support her new life. She has little time for her youngest son. She has lost the respect of her oldest son, her father, her husband and her step children and our friends who see her as nothing more than a selfish, dishonest cheater. She has abandoned her faith.
What a waste.
Thanks for letting me vent. I've been carrying these thoughts and emotions inside for what seems like forever. I still think of her as the person she was, and yet I question if I ever really knew her...probably not. I have given up any hope of reconciliation. All I can look forward to now is a peaceful end to our marriage and being able to move on without anger or resentment. That may take some time.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
TEL, Welcome back. Your thoughts are very similar to what I feeling now about my m. However, you are a bit farther along than i am at this time. My anger is just starting to boil to the surface, I have had some comm with my s, friendly, but also businesslike because we are dealing with dissolution of some property.
My IC yesterday told me that having anger is good and bad at this point, good in that it many times can act as a catalyst for change, change in me that must be made, like owning up to my responsibilities in the failure of my m. Bad in that unless forgiveness eventually emerges out of the anger, it can retard growth. lets see what transpires over the next days/weeks/mos. In the meantime, continue to take care of you!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Feels like the Truman Show in some instances, the movie w/ Jim Carrey where everyone is watching his life, getting a kick out of it and he has no idea that the jokes on him.
But don't feel like a fool.......
I've played it both ways.
When I first found out about my WW's EA over a year ago......she had a smooth path back to the M. I didn't yell.....I didn't judge her......I didn't say how could you do this to me....I didn't cry or beg.....I didn't follow her around....I never even raised my voice about it.....and never brought it up again when we entered MC. I didn't expose to anyone........I very instinctively took a DB like approach......I didn't let her EA affect me one bit.....pulled some 180's......GAL..........felt like I played the situation perfectly.
2nd time around that approach didn't work.......when I switched up what I was doing & started playing hardball.......their A was all ready a runaway freight train.......almost didn't matter what I did and I was pretty ruthless about it.
Last time I saw my WW was over a month ago.......in the drive way........Me in my car.....her laying her head on my arm while I was playing w/ her hair........she sat there for about 45 minutes just staring at me..........almost in just a daze of awe...
I'll never understand.
My whole point..... you can only control your actions and reactions
The rest is really up to them.
Me:29 WW:26 No kids 2 dogs T: 11 M: 2 D-day 1: 08/2010 D-day 2: 05/2011 1 POSOM Separated: 06/2011 WW ILY commits to M 9/18 Files D 9/19 ILY Still 9/21 WW are fun
Telemark, I'm sorry you had to come back to this mess.
What are you doing to GANL?
IMO, you need to focus on and take care of yourself right now. Really work the GANL. If you don't, there is the risk you will sink in the pit of hopelessness, bitterness, and despair.
