Are there any success stories here?

[NTX_Dad]

I'm feeling a little down today and visiting this board didn't help as usual.

I've been following about a dozen sitches on here since the beginning of the summer and all but one of them is still more or less in the same spot.

I am really curious if there are any success stories on here that I could read. I would like to read a few of those sitches to see what worked for them.

It seems like we are all trying good tactics and bettering ourselves, and I guess in the end that is really important in itself.

Some days I think about my sitch and many of the others on here and wonder why I keep trying the DB tactics. None of us deserve to be treated they way we've been treated. I suspect in most cases, the WAS won't even do what THEY need to do in order to resume a good, healthy marriage. I don't think my W will ever "get it" and realize she has things to work on... and if that's the case, do I really want her back? Life is too short to live in limbo like this for too long.

I'd love to hear of any success stories and/or thoughts.

Thanks!

[mishka422]

You need to look up Coach and read his story. His wife posts here too. They are an inspiration.

[25yearsmlc]

NTX

I don't know enough of your story to advise you but I can say that there ARE success stories.

It's just that most of us move on after we're here and reconcile. I have periodically taken years off of posting here b/c in a way it brings back bad memories.

But then I think of those who helped me get through that sad time, and to whom I'm so grateful, so I come back to "pay it forward."

We success stories exist but for obvious and maybe not so obvious reasons, we are not around HERE on this site, so much.

Don't give up. Aside from knowing 2 family members who actually did divorce and later remarry,

I also know other success stories that never posted here, but followed DBing.

If you can get to Piecing and then get yourself to Retrovaille, there's even more hope.

But like you said, changing YOU FOR YOUR SAKE is the key....don't bother wondering if she's changing.

That means you are measuring and no one uses hte same measuring cup. You won't see the past identically no matter what and there may always be questions that remain unanswered.

Deal with what IS, and someday try to go "from this day forward", and see what awaits you.

Don't spend too much time on the past except for owning YOUR part in this.

I find that most of the suceess stories had the LBSer making a lot of changes LONG BEFORE ANY changes were made by the WAS...

and that's okay.

((( )))

[mishka422]

Amen 25!

[Brian in Hville]

There are other kinds of success stories as well. A lot of us have made transformations of ourselves and have come out of this MUCH better people. I would never be the person I am now without my ex saying she wanted a divorce. I love who I am and would go through it all again....But BECAUSE of my changes, there is a much better chance I will NEVER have to go through this again.

Brian

[25yearsmlc]

great point.^^^

I have seen MANY happily divorced people and that's a worthy endeavor too.


They seem to make better partners later too...

[2thepoint]

Take a look at this synopsis: :

This is a success story among many others. Good luck to you!

[LifeOnMars]

Thanks. I was wondering the same thing about success stories. Having not tried the phone sessions I was wondering if focums, counseling, etc. worked. Thanks for the inspiration.

LOM
Me: 36
W: 37
R: 13
M: 10
S: 8; D: 5
W moved for job: 2/11
W wants Sep: ~5/11
D bomb: 9/11

[Accuray]

I would consider my situation a success story, although it's not a fairy tale ending, there are still issues, and parts of it are still very hard. There is lingering pain from infidelity for sure. The "success" part is that we're working on it together and keeping the family intact for the kids (and for ourselves). I do consider my divorce "busted".

The situations on the board are all different. Divorce Busting is extremely hard. Even if you do it perfectly there are no guarantees. In many ways it's the "least worst" approach because it's certainly not fun, but the other ways are pretty much guaranteed not to work.

--Accuray

[adinva]

Hi SadDad, your name makes me feel sad. I'm one of the ones who's been posting since this summer with no appreciable progress in my marriage, unless you count the fact that no legal steps have been taken.

Actually I think that's a pretty big one because I feel sure that if I screamed some of the things I wanted to scream at him, and poured out the anger and begged him to reconsider, he would probably have served me with papers by now.

But you ask why we would continue DBing if it doesn't seem to be working. In my opinion, what else is there to do? NOT improve myself? NOT hold my head up with dignity and a good attitude? NOT try to take my mind off the hurt by focusing on things that might help me be and feel more attractive? To me, DBing is a slam dunk.

I hope your day gets better. Take each one as it comes. Here's a hug (()) and a smile for you.