I'm new to these boards and I'm desperate. My wife dropped the D bomb 2 weeks ago. It's a very long story and I'm sure I'll be wanting to talk a lot more about it in the upcoming weeks, but I need some quick advice.
Long story short - We've been married 23 years and together 27. After many years of physical neglect I had an affair that lasted 3 years. I confessed to my wife 5 years ago, but took my sweet time actually ending the affair (over a year). In the last 4 years my wife has made a total lifestyle change and lost a lot of weight and now goes to the gym 4 days a week. Her self confidence has improved dramatically. Over the last few years I've started to realize how much she means to me, and how stupid I was.
I thought things were improving. Sex was great. We seemed closer. Then about 2 years ago she started to change. She pulled away emotionally. We stopped having sex a year and a half ago.
Now she has dropped the D bomb and says that she doesn't love or respect me anymore. She assures me that there is no one else, and I believe her. We still get along quite well and are friendly with each other, and she wants to get a collaborative divorce. I have told her repeatedly that I want to keep our marriage and family (kids 16 & 11) together.
She has totally been sucked into the Divorce Trap. She thinks everything will be just swell if we split our family up. Last night I discovered that she went to see a counselor specifically regarding "the proper way to deal with kids and divorce".
I started reading The Divorce Recovery yesterday and understand I need to start the "last resort" method. My question is, how to I work on my 180 at the same time she keeps wanting to talk to me about moving forward with the collaborative divorce? What do I say to her?
