DBing was a big help to me when things were bad. They are better now but occasionally I struggle to keep to good things going, especially this time of year. Figure I'll just keep a little thread here - hope you don't mind.
I find the stress of my job and family stuff peaks this time of year. It's dark. I've endured some recent social events with Ws boss. I learned that it is much harder to fight the good fight when I am overstressed. Just very hard to be positive. Don't want to slip up. So I come back to reread my older posts as a reminder (and have been reading WHG and Cam's posts - glad they are getting good advice).
This morning my W showed me a job announcement. It's the "perfect" job I always talked about. Neither of us want to move and uproot our kids but she says she doesn't want to go on like this, with me being unhappy. My job has some challenges - I works with unhappy people in a terrible building and it is often very stressful. However, those things never really bothered me that much until we had a third child (W wanted to have 3 and stay at home a while longer, but changed her mind and is back to work full time, at the same company - wish I knew how to link to my old threads). How do I explain that switching jobs isn't going to solve much? I'd rather stay where the kids are doing well (and W likes her job - another story entirely). But seems like W is saying something important about me being unhappy and "living like this". Or should I just say I'd rather stay here and figure out a way to "be happy".....ya'know work harder like everyone else and poke myself in the eye when I feel like complaining?
Well it's called wrok for a reason, that being said, why don't you look for another one that might leave you more fullfilled?
It is far far easier to find a job when you already have one. Or is this one of those...its easier to suckk it up than to try and change?
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I works with unhappy people in a terrible building and it is often very stressful. However, those things never really bothered me that much until we had a third child
huh...cause:
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How do I explain that switching jobs isn't going to solve much?
Semms like it would solve some things.
Point in fact? Your wife brought it up...I wonder how she sees it affecting you when you get home?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hey SL, I see Jack has touched on some of the stuff I picked up...
Your W is the one that pointed out your "dream job"...
You mentioned that she was going to stay home a little longer, then changed her mind... something "caused" her to change her mind and go back... did she give you a reason? Did you believe the reason?
From where I sit, it almost sounds like your W would be willing to go back to being at home to see you in a more fulfilling job (and possibly more money?). Not a sacrifice for her so much perhaps, as being able to feel comfortable that she COULD go back to being a SAHM for a little while longer...
So, might I suggest... have a conversation about this thing that specifically seemed to interest your W. Find out why she might feel it would be a good choice...
Chronic stress does strange things. Don't want to go back there.
......so, yes, I will now put on my big boy pants and get back to work.
KD, yep, a conversation would the logical next step. Funny though, I think this is the first time anyone here EVER suggested a conversation with my W......for a year everyone told me (rightly so) to avoid them like the plague. Suppose that's a good sign....
Just an update: decided not the pursue the other job.
Ws office social events are becoming very frequent, including several that boss' W is organizing. Strange - boss' W has become very fond of my W. ?????
Office has switched to texts instead of emails - Ws phone beeps are different and she laughs about learning text codes. Seems odd but trying not to read too much into it.
We will be working overseas in 2012 and figured this would be a nice break (with our home offices at a distance) but this week Ws boss is arranging for a phone that works over there. Guess I should have seen that coming.
Handling this ok. But next month is W's 40th Bday and she made me promise not to plan anything big....but her office is secretly planning an entire day and evening off in her honor.
.....hmmmm.....maybe that other job isn't such a bad idea....
Yesterday was the big 4-0. Kept it low key - but did spend the day feeling grateful that things are better. Then had a tiff with W this morning, where she implied I had "anxiety issues" over the planning of our upcoming work abroad. (Found out that because some other folks haven't been on top of things we may not have our visas in time to do the work, or enroll kids in school there, or rent our house) Truth is, maybe she's right. I have no idea just how stressed someone in my situation ought to be. Thought I'd been very calm about the whole thing, despite some set backs. I think my W is tired of dealing with famity stuff wants some FUN. She is also about to turn 40 and I think it's bothering her....
because I can't always find the panel of clever emoticons!