I think W has noticed that I'm not feeling particularly friendly the last couple of days. I'm nice and smile, but I really don't feel like being friends at this moment. She's got some major cake-eating going on (I watch the kids, clean house, while she goes out) while mine is somewhat less (spend time with the kids, rent-free for the moment). I'm not quite sure how to proceed with this.
I know she'll be upset that I don't really want to be overly friendly with her, but I'm not sure if she'll understand why. She's said she has no interest in me, which appears to be true since she rarely asks me about anything regarding my life, but she still wants to tell me all about what's going on in her life. I'm kind of tired of hearing about it, to be honest. My interest in her has dropped to an all time low.
Just wondering how the rest of the year is going to play out. I want to keep comms strictly about the kids. I've traditionally been the talker in our M, but that's been less and less through this process. I think it's about to disappear for the most part. I hope she can understand and not think, as she's said before, that I'm just giving her the cold shoulder. I realize now that I was still holding onto some hope, keeping my distance while trying not to distance myself from her. After what she said at MC, I don't particularly care if I am distanced from her or not.
Hi Silvery! I know you have had a rough couple of days. Perhaps the best thing for you at this time is to do your best to focus your energy on YOU. Try not to think about your W and instead focus on your own happiness. Do something you have always wanted to do and be happy doing it.
Regarding your W's need to tell you about everything that is going on in her life, maybe try to be somewhere else when these conversations typically occur. For example, if you tend to have these conversations during morning coffee or something like that, how about going for a walk instead or go to a coffee shop by yourself during this time. This way W only has herself to talk to and you are doing something for you.
Just a suggestion. Hang in there!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Regarding your W's need to tell you about everything that is going on in her life, maybe try to be somewhere else when these conversations typically occur. For example, if you tend to have these conversations during morning coffee or something like that, how about going for a walk instead or go to a coffee shop by yourself during this time. This way W only has herself to talk to and you are doing something for you.
Just a suggestion. Hang in there!
Thanks, I appreciate the advice. In general, I think I am going to spend less time around. She spends most evenings out (when I'm not working), while I'm at home studying. My sole important GAL activity has been trumped for the last month by stuff she needs/wants to do on Wednesday nights. She was out of town a couple of times, she wanted to go out last Wed since I was working Tuesday, Thursday Friday nights. This Wednesday, which makes it a month, she's going to a concert.
She professes to care about me still, but in light of recent revelations and her behavior, I'm not really seeing it, nor do I much care to. I probably have another couple days this negativity, as I work through some things. Then, as is my way, I will simply move past it and regain my positive attitude. At least that's what I'm planning. Just need to stay away from her during the next few days.
Man, that's a tough situation you've got going. Maybe you should plan for something to do next Wednesday before W beats you to the punch and let her know you will not be available and she needs to stay home. You are entitled to have a life too. Yes?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Yeah, my Wednesday GAL's are constant. EVERY Wednesday I go sing at the local open mic. It's the only thing I do, and it's been stepped on for a month. November is going see some change in that.
SIL came over to visit today, W was at work. Found out that SIL doesn't at all feel like W said she does, and didn't say that she was being dragged into the middle of all this. She was incredulous to hear some of the things that W said - Lie #1
One of my wife's friends is/was a 23 year old that looked up to her as a big sister. She's helped him out with a lot of his tough family issues. I warned her, even during this process, to watch out for emotional transference. Even if she wasn't interested in him, he might become interested in her. A few days ago I mentioned that she could always call this friend if she didn't have anything to do. She just said she hadn't talked to him in a while. I figured that something must have happened, but didn't let my imagination run wild as that's counterproductive. I asked SIL what happened with friend, and she replied "You mean when he kissed her?" SIL said that W was freaked out and hasn't talked to him since, which I believe. However, now we have - Lie #2.
SIL wouldn't reveal things to put her S at a disadvantage out of spite. They have a great relationship, and are best friends. However, SIL also feels that I have been unjustly treated during this process. Unfortunately, this really hasn't done anything for me but make me angry. I find myself looking back at this and wonder what is bullshit and what is real. After spinning tales about how other people, who truly know me, think that I'm a failure as well, and now hiding this... My wife no longer has the moral high ground. A fact that I plan to keep to myself unless it becomes necessary to reveal it, although I admit I can't foresee any situation that would warrant it. My main goal is just to prevent my anger from dictating how I act.
I still doubt that she's cheated/cheating, but now that conviction is less strong, and I find that I care even less.
W comes to me after SIL leaves a few minutes ago, and asks why I mentioned "friend" to SIL. I said it just came up, and was wondering what happened since they don't talk anymore. W then said that she thought I was trying to pry information from her, which actually isn't true, it just came up. I told it didn't matter anyway. She said she found it odd that I asked about friend, I told her I found it odd that she cared. She rolled her eyes at that and said something about invalid argument. I then asked if she needed more clarification, and she just walked away.
So she had the chance to say something, but declined to do so. Disdain or hiding? Can't tell, but once again doesn't really matter I suppose.
