It has been 5 days since I found out my husband had been using a secret Facebook account (he started it the day after I let him move back in!) to keep in contact with OW. He was pretty much telling her how much he missed her and how he wishes he could be with her. All the while, he was telling me that he loved me and didn't want to lose me over something as cheap as the OW. He was affection and somewhat attentive, but I could tell there was an emptiness there. I knew for sure he had yet to feel remorseful, he was just acting as if nothing had happened. When I confronted him about the account, he denied it at first. Then he calmly said those were just words, I don't mean them, blah blah blah!
After giving him 24 hours after D-Day 3, I asked him what they hell he was doing in our house if he wanted to be with OW so badly. He used the same emotionless, generic lines. I want our marriage to work, I "know" I need to stop. I don't know what to do. Never once did he say I love you or I am sorry. He even had the audacity to say that he had never lied to me. It was time for (another) ultimatum: Either you WANT to give up the OW or you need to leave. Once again, he says I know I need to leave, but I don't trust myself. Oh really, you are that weak! So I calmly told him that he needed to leave. After sitting there head held low for about 5 minutes, I repeated myself and he got up, grabbed a few things, kissed DD goodbye and walked out the door. I asked him where he was going to sleep and he lied of course and said he would go to his parents. I told him I was seeing the counselor at 3 pm the next day if he would like to join me. Unfortunately, I broke NC the next morning by calling to see if he wanted to go to my ultrasound appointment. The fact that he had ran right over to the OW's house infuriated me and I told him nevermind, he was no longer welcome at doc visits. He was so cold and unaffected by what I said, I told him to come and pick up the divorce papers. He came that day to pick up the rest of his clothes, guitar and skateboard. I told him to leave the key and he did.
He called me Wednesday morning and I didn't answer. When I dropped my DD off at MIL's, so told me she had talked to WS and he was coming over that day to see Eleanor. I was out work for 10 hours and, unfortunately, he was still there when I went to pick DD up. I didn't say anything to him and he said nothing to me. As I was leaving, he asked me if I worked the next day and who was babysitting DD. I replied. His mom suggested that Tom put DD in the carseat for me. As I pulled away, he knocked on the window. He asked my about the ultrasound pics and if he could come see them. I didn't know what to say other than, We''ll see, I guess. Despite scouring all the divorce and infideltiy websites, I am trying to detach emotionally and stop wondering what WS is doing, etc. etc. I am having a hard time resisting the urge to absolutely hate him and give up on reconciliation. I have no idea where it will go from here, but I do know that my husband is so deep in the fog that he will probably not come out until he hits rock bottom, which won't take long if a divorce is finalized.
I'm sorry to hear you are pregnant and dealing with this)))) your h sounds so much like the lying scum my ex used to be, keeping in touch with the ow and going to counseling and lying to me.
You did what hundreds here can't do, told him to take a hike and to stop disrespecting you, oh how I wish I would've done that sooner! the grief I would have spared me... but I put up with his bs and got hurt horrible time and time again as he ran to ow. Once we separated for good he moved in with ow... a few months later they broke up, she drove him nuts... then again, many go on to marry the ow, which meant the left behind spouses didn't loose much...
You are right, he is in a fog, he has sh*t for brains right now and he is totally spineless, seems she is a gem too, she must know you are preggers and still she is with him (then again perhaps not, don't ever make yourself sick thinking of her, she has nothing on you, she is just a band aid, la-la land, a escape from reality from a confused infatuated man).
Stick to your guns, don't push D though, just go dark... if he is lucky, he will wake up from his fog and you will still be there, if not, you will be a happy woman without that looser... I have two kids, could not be happier and regret putting up with months of abuse and cheating from a worthless person. He will hit rock bottom eventually... but dont' think a D is necessary for that, don't push for it. He is a sad confused man, don't get yourself upset hating him, it is not good for you or your baby right now, pray... liberate yourself from hate... he does not deserve your forgiveness but it is necessary in order not to poison your soul.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
