I'm not quite sure why my posts take so long to be authorised so have started another topic as my own journal to explain why i am so happy that i have finally left my narcisistic verbually abusive controlling manipulative so called husband.
Just Journalling....
My H took a new job in another city, which for the record was a city that i have fallen in love with and wanted to live in so the oppourtunity came for him to accept a higher position their so we moved all of our things to a new flat their but due to my work commitments meant that we also had to keep the house we were currently in. I would stop at the house for 2 nights with our D3 then go to the other city to be with him in our flat for the rest of the week which i had being doing and everything finally seemed as though it was heading in a better direction for us.
About a week and a half ago an incident happened which finally woke me up to something being very wrong with our relationship.
I was having a shower and my DH kept turning of the light for fun, this didnt bother and i even said to him i can still get washed in the dark it doesnt bother me. He kept doing it and i kept ignoring it, then the door was slammed shut and our D3 was screaming i turned around to find my H had shoved her into the bathroom, slammed the door shut and turned off the light, for the record our D3 is scared of the dark so was screaming her head off as she couldnt get out. I jumped out of the shower picked her up and took her out of the bathroom (the door can be locked locked from outside with a penny as it has a safety lock in case u get trapped inside, but our D3 could not undo the lock) When i came out of the bathroom my H was huddled on the bed all curled up like a little child playing on the computer like nothing had happened, i said to him that he has a problem how could he terrify her like that, he said that she has to learn how to take a joke and told me to come out of his face (he was on the bed i was standing by the door at least 4 foot away from him)I said to him that if he carry's on like this then she will grow up hating him i tried to put our D3 down but she looked at him and hung onto me tighter so i brought her with me to finish getting dressed.
This to me opened my eyes to something being very wrong, i couldnt explain it but i couldnt shake it off either, the fog was lifting.
That day me and our d3 travlled back to the house and i welcomed the break but the incident was still on my mind as i found it to be a bit sadistic and this is when i ruelly believed something is very wrong with my H and his way of thinking. However i acted as if and come the wednesday travelled back to the flat to be with him.
On the following Monday my H decided he was going to come back to the house to stop for a couple of nights and help tidy up the mess that was left as we didnt take things we didnt need like old clothes and letters and just general things u forget about left in drawers etc...
I had been at work all day but arrived home happy to know my H would be there when i got in nothing had been tided up and he was asleep with the computer on his lap, i just figured he was tired all day so asjed him what he wanted to eat and decided to go get some take out, the evening seemed to be going okay.
Later that evening some oil had spilt on the floor so i was cleaning it up, H was on computer chatting to 'people' on FB (cud see he was on FB from reflection on mirror) I was on my hands and knees cleaning up and had thought i had gotten it all but H told me i had missed a bit by his foot, so i threw him the rag and asked him to just wipe it for me then whilst i go wash up the dishes, he looked at me screwing up his face and said 'what! u must be joking what do u take me for' i was astonished but wanting to keep the peace i went over to him back to my hands and knees and started wiping around his feet, he then proceeded to pat me on the head saying 'there, there' to which i moved away from him in disgust and told him to leave me alone, he shouted at me whats my problem i said just leave me alone and kept on wiping the floor to which he said i should just leave it theres nothing to clean up he was only joking that there was something to clean up, so i stopped and went to the bathroom just to be away from him.
I could not bring myself to speak to him i felt he had degraded me yet again. On my return whilst getting ready for bed he said to me that he doesnt mind slumming it in MY house sleeping on the floor in slum although when i go to HIS flat i get to sleep on a bed. Again he had insluted me especially as he knew the situation we had moved everything we owned to the flat and me and his d3 were sleeping on half a sofa for 2 nights a week.
I was in shock that he could make such a staement especially knwoing the situation and insuiating that the house which i owned is now a slum, my slum and the flat was all perfect and now his.
Again i could not bring myself to speak to him so about an hour later i decided to tell him how i felt so asked him if he was busy and if i could talk to him which he said was okay, i then said to him that i he had hurt my feelings calling the house a slum and stating that it was my slum i told him how he used to make referneces like this in the past and could not believe that he still saw my home as slum although we had been living together for the past 4 years.
He then said that i have a problem i asked him to expalin what my problem was to which he replied that i should learn to take a joke i said to him i didnt realise he was joking as he sounded serious to which he said that i'm pathetic and stupid and that he no longer wants to hear me say another word. so i promptly shut up and went to bed feeling extremly upset but saying nothing.
About an hour later he asked me if i was awake and when i said i was he asked me to speak now, i said to him it doesnt matter, but he hounded me to say what was on my mind, so i begain to say to him literally, 'i feel upset as the...' i didnt even get to finish my sentence when he told me he no longer wanted to hear anymore on the subject, so i again i said nothing more and lay back down to sleep.
Again i was left in shock and feeling even more upset so lay there reading a book, i could hear him constantly getting up and walking past me to go to the kitchen i een felt him over me as he looked to see if i was sleeping or crying ( he would often look to see if i was crying i now understand why) it seemed as though he was getting himself worked up afetr learing over me he went upstairs and went to sleep on the floor in the bedroom.
He would not speak to me for 2 days completely stonewalling me and giving me the slient treatment, i had even texted him an apology saying i was sorry for not communicating with him properly about how i felt but he contiuned to ignore me.
He went back to the flat Weds morning and usually me and our d3 wud travel down to him on a Weds night, but i did not feel comfortable about this and luckly d3 had injections on Thurs so we cud not go weds night anyway (H wud have known this if he was speaking to me)
Wedsnesday afternoon H texts me asking what time our we coming down to the Flat?? i advised him that we were not coming as d3 had drs appt so wud come Thurs, no further communications was sent between until Thurs night when H text to ask if we were home yet meaning if we had arrived at the flat? i found it funny that he was now referring to the flat as being our home but advised him that we had only just got on the coach, again nothing more was said between us i was alseep when he got in.
Friday i took our d3 shopping for some shoes H had a 2 hour break so came home to the flat but we were not there (needless to say H has had many 2 hour breaks but had never come home during them even though the flat is only 30min away from his job)
Our text conversation went as follows; H 'U not at home' M 'how do u know' H 'I just know' M 'how' H 'i'm home' M 'okay, why u home' H 'on break, were u' M 'in town getting d3 some shoes' 'u just missed us'
2 hours later when we returned to the flat the place was a mess, H had obviously had lunch and left everything everywhere he did not attempt to tidy up after himself. I cleaned up did food for d3 and went about my day as usual. It was very late when H came in i was half asleep he said hello then closed the bedroom door did not give me achance to reply, i went back to sleep.
