Three weeks before I discovered the affair on July 30th, he moved out. I sent him nasty mean texts for two weeks straight after DD. I was upbeat at 3 weeks DD. He came around and even initiated family outings. During this time (at 4weeks) I found out he was still seeing OW. At 6wks after DD he told me he was no longer in love with me but loved me. Eight weeks after DD, I gave him the last resort. I told him I wasn't going to be his 2nd choice. When he stopped seeing her, I will come around. I said, "the kids and I will be fine with or without you but we'd rather do it with you. It's your choice." It's been almost 2weeks and I have seen NO CHANGE in his behavior!!
I am still upbeat when we see each other and so is he!! We see each other almost everyday because I have a 10week old and a 3yo. I do not initiate talk if it doesn't have to do with the kids. If he starts a conversation outside of the kids topic, I just listen or pause on the phone. I walk around the house while he's talking and he follows me. I end the conversation quickly. There's nothing else I can do but wait. I hate it!
During this time, I've reorganized my kitchen and bedroom and plan on painting the rooms. I've also looked for a job. He encourages me to do these things and it annoys the F-- out of me but I respond in a positive tone. Most of his things are out of the house. I've been giving him little things he's left behind here and there to show him I support him finding a place (he's living with his parents). This week I stopped telling his mom how I'm really feeling. I found out she was telling him how distraught I was. I think that may have been what I was doing wrong. Any other advice??
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
SO is on vacation n I'm retty sure he's w OW. Today I told his family that I need to start distancing mysef from them. His mom doesn't want me to because of the kids. It hurts too much to know he's not here with his kids. He wants me to spend Xmas with n his family but I just don't feel comfortable anymore. I think I'm throwing in the towel...
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Ok... throwing in the towel is fine if that is what you are ready to do. Do you want to share any more information about your situation? We are here to help you through!
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
Ex went away for a week to vacation in Mazatlan. He rarely calls to talk to the kids n won't answer calls. I asked him if he's there with OW. He said hes not and that she was supposed to go but she didn't. I said just be honest because I need to take care of myself. I would rather go visit my family (12 hrs away) and just relax. And I don't feel comfortable spending the holidays w your family if you are w someone else. He says that he's no longer serious w her and he wants us to spend the holidays together. I have been working DB to a T. We have made a lot of progress but this trip set me off!! Mind you he has NO PLANS to come back home and has made that clear. We are just really good friends.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
I see you've posted several times over the last couple of months, but it APPEARS that you've tried several things, although I'm not sure of your methodology.
You would most likely need to follow the LAST RESORT TECHNIQUE, which is NOT an ultimatum (which seems to be what you tried in your first post).
So what you want to do is:
1) back off, do NOT initiate contact (phone, emails, -- don't find an excuse to talk to him etc)
2) do NOT announce your boundaries or describe what you are going to do...(don't show your hand)
3) do NOT return his every call or text, give it every 3rd or 4th and be kind of vague as to why--just be busy
3) do take care of yourself and your children...make yourself happy. do the things that make you and your kids laugh and enjoy life. It's good for you and it makes you more attractive.
I know what you mean about throwing in the towel and i have been there. The core benefit of DB is being open to discovering you. Don't worry about his family or him. All your thoughts should be on how to become a better you for yourself and kids. You will get there. I know I didn't think I would.
You will be fine. Just keep your head up.
DU
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
We have been or are all where you are. You have to be sure this is what you want. You can't make rash decisions right now. The LRT is the way to go, only make contact when the children are involved, and make not mention of M. Most importantly you must GAL. Find things to do to get your mind of situation.
M 33 W 29 S 4 M 5 T 7 11/7/11 Separation, W moves in with parents 12/1/11 W: "IDLY, I'm not coming back, it's over" 1/7/12 D Bomb Dropped
He says he wants us to spend Xmas together and that I mean so much to him. I don't know if I should go. I can't be 180 like before his trip. The only reason I would go is for our kids.
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
