Then Sunday I had a sorta melt down. He left after a few hours knowing that my feelings were hurt and I was upset.
Yesterday was our anniversary. I stupidly text him Happy Anniversary. He text back..."yup... Happy Anniversary"
Later in the afternoon I called to see if he was coming over. He hummed and huuuded. Finally said....don't know if that is such a good idea it being our anniversary and all.
He did come over and it was tense....but I pushed through with no pursuit.
Now I feel totally stupid and off track.
I hate this feeling.
Now what should I do?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
You slipped. We all do. We try so hard to detach but the fact is the very thought of seeing our spouses still puts us in knots; we want to see them yet we know it will bring anxiety and tension. Last time I saw my W - about a month ago - all I wanted to do was hold her and kiss her, and it took superhuman effort to do neither.
Give him space. Don't contact him, or apologize for anything you may have said or done. But be prepared for a long bout of NC. If / when he does contact you about anything, be polite but brief. Let him wonder what you're up to.
This time of year is miserable for us LBS's but it is also a perfect time to really work on the relationships you have with your family, your friends AND YOURSELF. That goes a long way in restoring your sense of self-esteem and self-respect. Plus, whenever you're working on those relationships, you're not thinking about your H.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
The problem is that I see him every weekend (for the last 7 months) and a few nights a week. When he was leaving last night, I blurted out...when will I see you again (idiot). He said tomorrow or the next day.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
So, we have had 3 nice nights together. Tonight we made a fab dinner...Later he was upstairs removing the washer and dryer.We have new ones coming next week. So, after I did the dishes, I sat down and his phone is ringin. Guess who???? OW~ I looked at it a few times, almost picked it up, but didn't. When he came downstairs he looked at his phone. I sat still and quiet. He knew something was wrong. I did not ask him to stay. I was still tasting the vomit in my mouth.
He left and called me on his way home home, a tempature check. He asked if everything was alright. I said it was and ended the call.
Should I tell him that I saw the call? If so how? When?
Back 1 year ago in my self-esteem all within 10 seconds
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
He knew something was wrong. I did not ask him to stay. I was still tasting the vomit in my mouth.
He left and called me on his way home home, a tempature check. He asked if everything was alright. I said it was and ended the call.
Should I tell him that I saw the call? If so how? When?
Right then, in my opinion. "No, it's not. I enjoy spending time together, and I'm glad that you say you want to work on this, but it's incredibly disrespectful when the woman with whom you had the affair calls my house. If she continues to call your phone, then I would ask that you leave it in your car when you come to our marital home. Thank you for respecting my boundaries."
VS2D, you hold most of the cards here. This is your chance to take it slow, as others have said, and to do it on YOUR terms, and in the way that feels authentic to you. If something bothers you, you need to speak up. Do you really want to walk on eggshells again?
I never got a chance to respond to your initial post, above. Personally, I'm a big proponent of the "I'm not sure how I think about that; I'm afraid it's no longer that easy" approach. The #1 "piecing" mistake that people make is accepting their wayward spouse back TOO EASILY, and without laying out what your dealbreakers are.
The #1 "piecing" mistake that people make is accepting their wayward spouse back TOO EASILY, and without laying out what your dealbreakers are.
Starsky
This is so important!! Unfortunately I didn't know about DB when I was separated in '98 and I made this very mistake. We were separated for a year and when we reconciled and he moved home, we skipped some important steps. I wonder if we would be having the issues we are having today if we hadn't skipped those important steps. My guess is no, but I will never know.
Be sure to respect your own boundaries and expect him to as well.
