I need some opinions. My ex left in mid-august. After she left she tried to get a credit card in my name. The fraud department called me and asked me about it because it look suspicious. After telling the ex that I almost pressed charges (because I thought it was someone else) she told me that she accidentally used my mother's credit card to order concert tickets that came to $200. She did pay my mom back and was warned to not do that again. The cc was linked to the ticket master account.
Before she left we agreed on what bills each of us would pay. She has a different cell phone provider than I do and it's in her name so she agreed to pay it. She went and charged a new phone, case, etc onto her account. Her bill came out to be around $800. I know this because her provider emailed me a copy of her statement because my ex did not change the email address on the account.
My mother was going over her checking account statements and noticed two separate payments to my ex's cell phone provider. One was around $130 the other was nearly $700 dollars. She asked me about it and I told her I didn't pay those. Turns out the ex used my mom's checking account to pay for her nearly $800 cell phone bill. My mom did not authorize this transaction at all. Her checking account info was on file because she paid a couple bills for us when we were having a hard time financially. Mom called the bank and the cell provider and has two options...eat the cost or file charges.
In the state that I am in this is classified as a class e felony. Punishment is no less than one year in jail and no more than 6 years in jail, plus, up to $3000 in fines. I'm sure they would bargain the sentence down.
Keep in mind that I think my ex is having a MLC or having some mental issues. It's the typical situation that everything is my fault. She's angry and will not accept responsibility for anything. In fact, she told me that I made her move out of the house when I actually begged her to stay and go to counseling. So, you see the state of mind she's in. If my mom or I say anything to her she's going to blow us off...She already has because she has been warned before. My ex's mom has done stuff like this for years to her ex husband. Her ex doesn't do anything about it.
One other thing, my ex and I have two kids. We each have them three and a half days a week. Everything with them is right down the middle. I do refer to my ex as my ex even though separation or divorce papers have not been filed. She did text me two days ago to ask how to file and how much it costs....of course that's a different story.
As you can see, that's a heavy punishment for what she did. My mother is hesitant to file because she doesn't want the kids to be away from their mom if she went to jail. However, the ex is doing some shady stuff. She needs to realize that there are consequences to her actions. You can't steal $800. Even if she didn't go to jail she would still have a police record. Could this be the wake up call she needs? Could this be her hitting rock bottom? She's going to keep doing this stuff until something severe happens. She's a carbon copy of her mom. For example, her mom convinced her ex to take out a $10,000 loan to help her with school. As soon as she got the money she laughed about how she was never going to pay him back.
Any suggestions? My mom is stuck on what to do. I don't know either.
One last thing, I just want my ex to get some help. I know nothing can happen until she's ready for help. She has had a history of mental health issues. I don't want to get her back for leaving me nor am I trying to gain the upper hand with the divorce. My hope is that if files are charged she will realize how big of a hole she's buried herself into.
As much as you or your mom doesn't want to hurt w, please realize that by not saying/doing anything or paying for it.. you aren't LOVING her, you are ENABLING her.
How about you and your mom come to a few options that is safe for your mom? Make sure your mom (not you) is completely comfortable with those options.
Then talk to w and discuss those options. Let her know the consequences if she does nothing and express your concerns.. not that you are worried about her.. that she will miss out on her kids' lives!
Give her some time to decide (that is still safe for your mom) and then let her make the decision.
Try to do it as loving as possible without coming to rescue. She may get mad, but you're right.. there are consequences to all actions.
My .02
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
If you decide to go the press charges route, remember many states have victim advocates or allow the victim to at least talk to the proper authorities. There your mother could say her piece about not wanting her to go to jail.
While any sentence is ultimately up to the judge, it could make his and the prosecutor's decision lean one way.
Also many states have diversion programs for first time offenders.
the decision is yours and your moms, but I just thought you might like some additional facts.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I get where you're coming from David and although we learn that MLC is not an excuse for poor decisions, I can certainly imagine how you don't want to send your X to jail because she "wasn't quite right in the head"... and how that would affect the kids...
First, and I say this with complete respect... how is your X still able to gain access to money and credit from your mom or yourself? How were these things not protected...?
Second, the not a lawyer part, is...
I strongly recommend seeking legal council on this, but I wonder if there is a way to file a civil torte against your W for the amount she "borrowed" (plus interest and inconvenience fee)... without it going to criminal court...
I'm sure for the reason of compassion, you and your mom might be prepared to "fix" the access problem, eat the loss, and just let it go... yet, there's a strong case for putting the pressure on your W...
Think of it this way... while it is not your place to teach life lessons to your W... if she begins to feel it is that easy to "steal"... what happens if she starts to feel invincible and starts embezzling from work or stealing from the corner store... etc...
I'd put some effort into "tough love"... after that... it's up to her...
KD any civil claim would not be worth the effort. I mean the filing fees alone would probably be a couple hundred. It'd probably be conversion as the tort.
He could go the small claims route, but sometimes those are limited to certain cases.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I'm not sure how she gained access to this account. I personally logged into the ex's cell phone providers account page online (I paid the bills and this was right after she dropped the bomb) and erased that account from the payment options.
The ticketmaster thing was an account that I forgot had my mom's cc on file for quick purchases.
She knew better. Let's assume that she thought she was using her checking account to pay the bill...she makes $400 a month. This was done a month and a half ago, I'm sure she would've realized something was amiss by now. How could you pay two months salary and not realize that the payment didn't go through? She uses people and no one has ever done anything about it.
personally, I just walk away from that kind of crap (and similar stuff has happened to me) and eat the loss... I figure karma will eventually pop up...
Is it your job to "save" your W from herself? Maybe she'll learn or maybe she'll just try a different tactic next time to get money from you and your mom...
And you probably won't save her from jail time the next time she's busted for something much bigger... regardless of what you do, now... *shrug*
