Aaaah, where to start, where to start? Been married for 11+ years. 2 yrs ago my husband spiralled down into the depression of all depressions. He'd had depression off and on since i'd known him so I just tried to take it in stride, look after our then 1 year old little girl and wait for him to spiral back out of it. I tried to talk to him only to hear the dreaded, "I don't love you anymore." Was it depression talking? Was it true? we had been so in love how can that just go away? I was a good, kind, industrious wife, what the heck? (And sexy btw) After doing all the wrong stuff I stumbled across "Divorce Busting" in the relationship section of the book store and devoured it in 24 hours. I put it into practice immediately. it was slow going but I did see some changes but something was still wrong. finally i caught my husband in an affair. I was in marriage saving mode even though my heart was broken. I did everything by the book and long story short we've tried to put our marriage back together and have even had some happy times since. At least according to me. But now he has spiralled down again and again it is the marriage to blame in his eyes. "we don't have chemistry" "We've just had two different experiences" "I tried to put things back together for our little girl but now everything has just gone bad again" "when things are good you stop paying attention to me". I feel like I can't relax for a momment to even enjoy my life or my marriage. I'm constantly taking his temperature, did i do this right, did I do that right, did i not say that in a compatible enough way. I try acting as if,being a cheerleader, all of it. Quite frankly i'm tired and just really sick of this! Of him!! I am so depressed over our apparent backslide that I feel like i'm on the verge of asking him to move out just so I don't have to see his miserable mug anymore, the nicer and more up I am the more stony and gloomy he gets. If i crash down he rebounds for an hour or so before he decides that my gloom and depression must be all his fault (which now it actually is)and I get to hear him grovel and apologize and tell me maybe I should never have forgiven him since he's such a mess and messing up my life. So what do i do ,divorce and destroy my beautiful little girl who loves her daddy? What the heck do I do now? And it's truly sad but one of my favourite fantasies invovlves two police men coming to my door! Help!I am so hurt and angry!
