I'm terrible with titles so there you go. Anyway, last week was terrible but I think I'm getting better at redirecting my thoughts. I asked a friend who went through the death of her husband from skin cancer several years ago how she manages to keep her emotions under control. She said she tells herself that this(whatever is bothering her) is not what she wants to put energy into. I tried that so far so go. It seems to work. Anytime I start thinking upsetting, energy draining thoughts I tell myself I don't want to waste energy on this.
Okay, would like some advice please. What is the most effective way to get over my ex while still co-parenting? I don't want to be unpleasant because of that but at the same time if there weren't any kids, I'd be gone. I would have packed myself, my pets and possibly my granmother and just moved. A nice clean break. Unfortunately that doesn't work in real life so what is the next best thing? So far I have tried to spend as little time as possible with him while trying to act like it doesn't bother me one way or the other when he is present. Is that the best I can hope for?
kml has a point, but in the near term, I think you just live your life. In time, hopefully not too much, you'll find that he takes up less space in your head, until one day... poof! He'll still be a parent to the kids, but he just won't matter to you. You won't see it coming, but I think it will happen, when it is time!
kml and desert_rat, thank you for the reply. As for kml's reply, while that would be great its probably not the best way for me to handle it besides having problems finding suitable man at the moment. Where are they? I will just have to wait it out and try not to have a screaming hissy fit when he is around because it doesn't do any good and just proves he was right to leave.
I forgot to mention, I should be getting my house after all. The appraisal is done and I got a verbal confirmation that the underwriters will probably (99.9% sure)okay my mortgage. It might even happen when it supposed to. So I should start moving out in about 2 weeks.
As for where the guys are.....well, I met my first boyfriend after the divorce online. The relationship with him was a very healing one, actually. We dated for a year until his ex-college-girlfriend showed back up in his life (darn it!) but we are still the best of friends.
After that, I dated a few other guys from online dating, but met my current guy while shopping in a discount store. You just never know
I have to disagree with KML on this one. You are still devestated by your ex's leaving and it takes a long time to heal. Throwing sex into the mix with someone new just confuses your feelings and doesn't allow you the healing and grieving time to heal.
Stick to the romance novels if they help (I couldn't even look at them for a while)> Believe that you will meet someone new if that is what you want when the time is right.
Concentrate of finding out who you are and setting new goals for yourself. Focus on your children. They need you now more than ever. And give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself. Indulge yourself. But you can go without sex for a while.
I think everyone is right. Its too soon for kml suggestion but when the time is right that will be exactly the right thing. Barb is right about being too soon and gabby's mom is correct about thought redirecting. I have come to the realization that I need to do that to let go of the anger I've been holding on to. I've been hurting my girls terribly especially my older one and I just don't want to be that person who is angry for the sake of being angry.
