After almost of 10 months, I finally dropped the rope. I pretended for months. I acted as if I had, but had a firm grip on hope. Yesterday, after another great weekend that turned bad, it happened.
I want my marriage and who use to be my husband. Then it hit me....Out of my control. Actually, I'm not even sure I want him as a friend. He has played me for 10 months.
I have agonized over the "what if's" "what will happen?" for almost a year. All that agonizing has worn me out.
I am now in control of my future. Will I have to file bankruppancy? Probably.... Will I lose my house in forclousre? Probably. Have I had a great 18 years in my house? Yup. I raised my daugter here as a single mother. Can I afford the heartache of being attached to the home and bills anymore? Nope.
Finally the storm in my head has cleared. So what if he files for divorce? I did my best and now I own the future.
He did come over last night to bring dog food. I fell asleep on the couch. I woke at midnight and guess who was in my bed? I got in and went to sleep. No desire to snuggle. This morning woke up and got ready for work. I am sure he was WTF? She is always all over me, almost begging me for sex. Nope no desire.
He has a lot of work to do if he ever thinks he can have me back. Even then, I am not so sure.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
I do know, that most LBS ACTUALLY become the WAS after the dust settles. Stats say, that it normally takes a year for the LBS to realize that too much time has been wasted, and life goes on for the better. What is the worse that can happen? Nothing, that I haven't already been through.
Tonight, I am almost giddy. I don't want to be house poor anymore. I don't care what he is doing. Actually, I pray he doesn't find an excuse to come over.
Can't wait for summer. I wasted the last one~
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
I know how you feel, and in a twisted way it's good.
Dropping the rope gave me the strength to finally work on myself. It removed the tension, and the confidence I gained is attractive in itself. Don't be surprised if your H starts chasing you!!
Yesterday was my birthday. H came and took me to a late lunch and then he took us for massages (sp?) We then can back to the house had a few beers and HE ordered on Payperview the movie, Bridemaids. He knew I have wanted to see it for a long time. Very funny movie, that turned way to sappy in the end. He then ordered another movie that I had no liking for.
We cuddled for a bit, I was tired and wanted to get in bed. He clearly wasn't ready to go to bed, but almost begged me not to go upstairs. I pretended for a bit and finally made my way. He seemed sad. I went anyway. Some time later, he woke me up for ML and it was different that the last 6 months. He was kissing me.
He stayed all day doing chores around the house and paying money for things that he knew I needed (light bulbs, swiffer pads ect.) He is leaving on a three week trip up north and made a small mention that I sould meet him 1/2 way at the Cracked Crab next weekend for dinner and a few drinks on the beach.
My daugter stopped by with my granddaugter to drop by a few gifts and cards. He (2nd time in 8 days) was all over my granddaughter calling himself "grandpa" and goo goo eyes with her.
He EVEN told me how proud he is of my daughter and all the changes that she has made since having the baby. She WAS a train wreck for the last few years.
They left and soon after, so did he. He left behind a birthday card. A not "to my wife" card but a mushy one and wrote a sweet saying and signed it...Love You.
Is he playing with me? Could he be so mean? Did he notice that I have taken the steps to move on? I am not back on any roller coaster. That is for sure. However, did I give up too soon? Or did he realize to late?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Yup, the cop was cute. While H was sitting there, I was thinking, "I could climb that man like a tree". LOL
I just wish I knew what I was thinking when it came to H. I am so much better this minute. 3 weeks and I don't have to worry about any suprises or drop-overs during the day while I am at work.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
My take VS, is that if you really dropped the rope... he noticed... it's what I've heard, and to some degree think I've experienced...
I believe we drop the rope in stages and each time it lowers, the WAS notices...
The most recent I've seen this in my sitch is a couple weeks ago, my W indicated that sep papers were coming (which I am not likely to agree with the terms; and also coincided with getting a letter that mediation is about to begin) so I emailed my W letting her know the "good news" (as I chose to see it) and that if all goes well, we'll be able to D on schedule beginning of Nov...
My W avoided that like the plague and all last week and this weekend, she's been trying to reconnect with "pleasant" emails and phone call attempts... I have not taken the bait...
Anyhow, I think this is when we say "the WAS noticed..." and when we're supposed to keep doing what is working... as the WAS steps towards us...
