2 days ago we went to provisional hearing to have me removed from the residence. Judge removed himself from the case because he knows her family. L's met with new judge who wondered why this case hadn't gone to final since it had been over 60 days. So the judge is ordering that I move out by 10/1 and the house is to be sold. I'm moving to her sisters house which is vacant and not likely to sell for a long time. Generous offer from them. Small town and not many rentals. At least it will be a place where the kids will be comfortable.
Last night I started packing. D7 asked "Daddy, what are your doing?" I told her I was packing to move and asked her if she understood. She nodded her head with a sad look and went to the computer. S9 then came in and asked same. He burst into tears and went to his room. W consoled him. After he took shower I went to his room and showed him some pics from when I was little with my dad and a snowman and he burst into tears again. He's very sensative and I couldn't help but just cry and hold him. I told him that I still loved him and would always be his daddy and be there for him. I've been reassuring both kids for awhile now. This morning I went to talk with their teachers.
I told W and she said "That's funny, I was just emailing them". I said "why is that funny, I'm a good father". I told her that a personal visit was better than an email. She asked my point. I just told her that it's more interactive. She's incapable of personal interaction in stressful situations. Afraid to show emotion. I know I'll be better off without this emotionless person in my life day to day. Still I had to be with her at 2 kids functions last evening and she just looked so good and I really miss being with her. Really being with her. It's really hard to detach.
Later this morning she txt that her brother would help me move on Sundays. Isn't that a kick in the pants? I didn't respond.
I miss the togetherness and security of the family unit. It is so special and it's really hard to let that go.
I know I'll be better off without this emotionless person in my life day to day. Still I had to be with her at 2 kids functions last evening and she just looked so good and I really miss being with her. Really being with her. It's really hard to detach.
I in NO way wish to say you don't have a right to feel what you do. However, she married you for a reason and she could be looking at you the same way. Regardless of who ever did what wrong.
However, until you see life away from her AND understand that there is 2 Million more women on this planet, at the least! that LOOK maybe better and actually WANT to be with you and you with them, you will never have her look at you the same way again.
Stay strong and know ALL changes you do, benefit you for the rest of your life.
faith you always have great input!! I check out your posts regularly.
I miss the togetherness and security of the family unit. It is so special and it's really hard to let that go from Michael
Yes, that is such a hard thing. But I've been coming to realize that what we thought was security was really an illusion, and was/is very fragile. I loved the illusion of happily ever after and grandchildren on the porch, but like Faith said....read her post again and again.
You are becoming the better man. Keep it up.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
So all weekend I got to spend time with her family, mil her xh, funeral for her sisters fil, soccer games on saturday and baseball games on sunday. I even took S9 to SD soccer game. mil said she's just here to help. She helped encourage the D. mil told my mom that she just pretends everythings ok and tells the kids she loves them. Maybe not her place to talk about D with kids but pretending everythings going to be okay is what got us here in the first place. Mom told her it wasn't ok to pretend that it's okay. Mom's a state licenses psychologist thats worked custody cases for decades and started the now county requirement that parents and kids attend the D class that she developed and taught. That kids need to talk about it and understand the process and the reasons so they can process it in their minds. Last night I talked with S9 and he didn't realize that Mommy and Daddy wouldn't be there together to put him to bed any more. That he wouldn't have a choice of who put him to bed. He cried and I asked how he felt about it. He said "Sad". I was honest and told him that I didn't want the D and what I thought were the reasons for it happening. He is sooo sensative and will have a real hard time when moving out happens over the next 2 weeks.
Faith, thanks for your input. I've realized that there are more fish in the sea for awhile but have been living in that illusion/the dream. It wasn't that she just looked good-I still feel that emotional connection. I don't know whether she does or not despite what she says.
In Shock. As with other things in my life right now, I get confused and distracted. I know you made the comment regarding living in the illusion. So, So true. W has said many times that I'm not really in love with her but rather the idea of being in love with her. The idea of the dream. Although the dream maybe somewhat of an illusion the love was/is real. It is real because I've chosen to love her. Not for any particular reason or charachteristic, but just because I choose too. No conditions. I just choose too and making that choice every day is what grows love. It allows you to practice it, it allows you to live it and it allows you to feel it. It's on a different level than where she's looking for happiness. W told me I was the most needy, difficult and unhappy person she's ever met and she feels sorry for me. That's part of rewriting the marriage history. Before she started pulling away, I was the happiest guy in the world. She was the absolute best. We rarely argued and if we did, we resolved it quickly and made up through communication. Again I wasn't needy until she started pulling away and I know everyone here has felt the same. The more they pulled the harder you push.
Haven't posted for awhile. I've moved. W's brother and bil along with a friend helped me move. This all in anticipation of a court order removing me from the house which never came. Haven't heard anything from the court as far as my plea for 50/50 or for a final hearing. So I'm living in my w's sisters house. They moved to her inlaws do to fil death. They need nothing at their new residence. Everything at their old house which is for sale is still there. Furnishings, kithen, appliances, food, dirty laundry, everything. So I'm in a 4000sf house by myself a lot. Still have trouble sleeping and miss my fam. Kids spent the weekend with me and they were ok. Tried to stay busy while at the house, getting their rooms livable etc. Will have them for dinner tonight. I even invited SD-13. We'll see if she comes. Gave her a ride to park last night on the way to soccer practice. If I'm good enough to give her rides and have over for dinner, am I not good enough to be her step dad and her mom's husband?
Moving day was weird, we all had lunch together at the legion. Helped with getting w's bedroom set-up with furniture from house I moved into because she gave me our good furniture. That really made sense to swap MB furniture between houses. Whatever. Good thing I only live 5 min away. House I'm at has a lot of clutter. Just too much stuff but hey I can't complain. It's big, it's open and on a lake. The kids like it there so there I am staring at the geese. Could be worse. Could be in an 500sf apt paying same rent. I really appreciate their offer. Not many other rentals in the area.
So today she finally goes to parenting class that I attended in July. I talked with instructor and asked him to stress certain things that he taught. Maybe, just maybe she will listen to a professional, educated third party that's saying the same thing everyone else is saying. "Keep the family together at all cost".
She's really stubborn without being in MLC mode, so it would take a miracle. Please pray for one today.
In the meantime, I'll keep GALing and give her the space she so desparately needs. Going to play some guitar with a group at a coffee house tomorrow night. Should be fun!
