Now that I don't ignore she just complains

[calidad]

Ignored my wife for 5 years. Really bad. I own it. I didn't listen to her and I didn't keep her happy.

So now I am really really trying to change and show her that I have changed. I am very attentive to all her stories and engaged, asking her about how this made her feel and what did she think when that happened?

And guess what? I remember now why I had to ignore her. ALL she does is whine and complain about every little moment of the day and all the awful things that happened to her and all the bad things that are going to happen tomorrow and why this person isn't good enough so she has to step in and that person won't be good enough on her presentation so she'll have to take that over too. Ugh.

I mean seriously, what do it do here? If I tell her gently to be more positive she'll just go off and tell me I'm the reason she's so unhappy, etc. If I ignore her, well now I am just ignoring her again.

And when she's done venting and complaining to me, she goes to her EA OM and giggles away on her texts. WTF am I an idiot?

[verycrazy]

No, you're not an idiot. And you can't make her happy. That comes from within. Some people are naturally pessimistic, and your W sounds like she is. The whole thing with her being critical of you now she is in what she sees as the breadwinner role, may be because she is scared of the financial future. I believe most women like to feel secure.

Have you gotten the Divorce Remedy book? You can read the first chapter on this site. It will help you so much, as will the advice of the wonderful people who have found this site, because we are all in this together.
vc

[calidad]

Thanks! Yes, I am reading the book now. Yes, she is in the breadwinner role in her mind (she is a W2 employee) although on average I bring in twice as much as a consultant - just in spurts.

So do I just nod, listen and smile while she complains? So at least I am being a good "listener"?

[MynameisMZ]

Tell her you want to make it better, that you "get it" that things have been difficult and rough. Own your mistakes. Also tell her that you want your R to flourish and that it can't if OM is in the picture. Start there with your "intention" of what you desire. Do not do it with crying or begging or any of that. Read DB & DR.