It has been quite a while since i have posted on here. Its been almost a year since the divorce papers were signed and the divorce will soon be final. Since the first time I started reading Michele's books and reading her articles it was a struggle for me. But everything she said has been right. I finally learned to GAL, worked on my career, dated other women, etc. My wife had moved on to another relationship.
Now - the shocking news - recently my wife asked me to dinner. At first I said no - but then we agreed to lunch. Since then she has invited me over several times - cooked me dinner, etc. My daughter is ecstatic to see us together. It is still a work in progress, taking it slow. Neither of us are sure which way it will go. I'm not fooling myself - I know that our relationship still is not her priority. And I have issues that we need to overcome - especially her relationship with someone else. Am I just her fall back b/c the other relationship ended? I'm not going to be "second string." I do believe having our family back together is best for our daughter, but I'm not sure what kind of marriage we wil have if it even gets to that point again. Thank you again to all those who posted with advice to me previously - it was a big help.
Your are in the same situation as TAMF in the MLC forum. Find her thread.
How recent was her break up with OM?
I don't know your whole story. Did she leave you for the OM since the bomb?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Took a step waaaayy back. went to pick up daughter from W's grandmother's (as this is where W is living). In the driveway was the OM's car. W said he asked if he could leave the car there as he goes out of town. W did not see him...but I told her that it is a slap in the face to me. She said she is not dating him but remains friends with him and won't be ugly to him. So I let her know that it is disrespectful.
I want to tell her that unless she severs all ties and is willing to give 100% then there is no need for us to try. I would like to say it in a tactful way...but I'm not sure what to say or if I should say anything at all. Any suggestions? I feel let down.
Took a step waaaayy back. went to pick up daughter from W's grandmother's (as this is where W is living). In the driveway was the OM's car. W said he asked if he could leave the car there as he goes out of town. W did not see him...but I told her that it is a slap in the face to me. She said she is not dating him but remains friends with him and won't be ugly to him. So I let her know that it is disrespectful. I want to tell her that unless she severs all ties and is willing to give 100% then there is no need for us to try. I would like to say it in a tactful way...but I'm not sure what to say or if I should say anything at all. Any suggestions? I feel let down.
I'm sorry to say but it seems you are prematurely posting here in the "Piecing" forum which is where both parties in the couple move in together to make their m work...
In any event, have you really read the DB books? B/C
What you want to do is essentially give her an utlimatum. That's it.
So go ahead...except for one thing...there's no way you want the answer she's likely to give you if you do.
You're in no position to give anyone an ultimatum unless you are TRULY SURE you are
TRULY READY for her answer to be, "I will NOT do what you want." OR TO LIE...
If you ready for that, then by all means, go ahead.
But be mindful of appearing punitive, or acting out of anger, or like you are 'teaching her a lesson" b/c that is NOT a spouses' job; life teaches lessons...
I think you are letting your anger take over and reacting for you. Don't. Back way off and let her feel the distance instead.
If she had an A with this guy but isn't now, what the heck is the status and what is she ready to do to prove to you that she's ready to piece your m back together? Do you know?
BTW-be warned,
I have not read all of your thread so I don't know what she has said to you in the past.
But I do know what an ultimatum looks like...and that's what you THINK you want to give her, but I don't think you really want the results.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yes...you are right. I had assumed we were further along than we are as she said she wanted to try to make it work. But apparently I am further along than she is. So I will begin posting on another thread. And yes...I was letting my anger get the best of me and wanted to give an ultimatim.
If you want a new m with her, it'll have to be "from this day forward."
Trust on both sides needs to be rebuilt. What do you feel YOU have changed about YOURSELF
since the separation?
IOW why should your w feel that m to you now, would be better than before?
What is different?
It's key that this is clear, or recon is not that likely.
And there is great downside to rushing a recon
but little downside to rebuilding carefully, and slowly, so that the foundation is strong.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
