We have been together for 9 years, and married for 7 in October. We have 3 children, 6, 4, 1 1/2. Over the past 4 years, it has been bumpy. The last year I was getting all the WAW signals that I just didn't see. When she finally said "I want a divorce" on July 24th, I was in shock. I thought we were having typical marital issues, not the end of a marriage and a family. Ove the last month, things have been hell...she was involved with another man, and has just recently decided to end the 'emotional' part of it..but I know it will continue even as "just friends. I need to move away back to NY, we are currently in VA. I have no family or friends in the area, no job at the moment, and no where to live if not with her. I have been getting mixed signals from her over and over, friendly yet slightly more conversation, the occasional "let me in" feelings. She seems pretty sure that she needs to do this, but I do not believe she is 100%. She definitely does not admit that she is unsure.
I am moving to NY in 6 days, and she has 'let me in' enough to show her the husband and father I should have been over the past years. I even asked her if I was this man all the time, and the man you fell in love with, and the man you saw - ever so rarely - throughout the years, could you be with him (me). She nodded and her eyes were lightly welled up. I am sure a big rt is that she does not believe me or is yet unwilling to take the chance or leap of faith. I am scared that going to NY will almost force her to move on because the man I was before she dropped the bomb was nothing to miss. I am praying and hoping that the man I have professed myself to be and that I am showing her I am the next few days will be the man she can remember as long as I am away.
I know in my heart that this is the man I am. I was blind by fears, and mistrust that should not have been there. These problems led to control and neglect. I have proclaimed over and over that these were never my intentions. I caged her like a bird unknowingly, and am scared that this new single life of freedom that she seems to want may be more powerful or alluring than having me by her side - even with absolutely no cage or neglect.
I plan to write the children letters all the time, and talk on the phone with them as much as I and they wish. I am hoping for her and my conversations to increase even slightly. I need whatever opinions or advice I can to see if what love we did have (that she claims to not have for me) is there and or if it can grow from that distance. i am more in love with my wife now knowing I may loose her than I was believing that she'd never leave. I feel in my heart, and ca see in her eyes that there is some - however small - love for me there, more than friends. Either she does not see it, or denies it.
I do not want to be 9 hours away and loose that love that I believe she has. I know I must be strong, but I also cannot presume as she does that this cannot be 'fixed'. She has agreed mostly to a separation and time and space. I am afraid she will not miss me. The man I am.
first, sorry you find yourself here, but this forum is a great place to get support as you begin your own journey through this...
next, all sub forums are generally slow and most activity happens in the "Newcomers" forum, so it might be a good idea to repost your sitch there, as your support and help will likely be more active...
not only that, but while it might seem like this sub forum is to discuss WASs... it is actually geared towards working with people who are contemplating leaving their spouse, not the other way around...
and lastly, just be sure that you have picked up a copy of Divorce Remedy and read through it... it's a fantastic resource and has a lot of information to help you work through this, on your own.
Be strong and become the man only a fool would leave...
