I have been following Tad's posts, watching and listening to what all the experts have to say.
Many of you know my situation..... I have an XW that is friendly and seems to just want things to be "nice" amongst all involved. We have done many things together with our kids in the last year. The problem is "expectations". We get together and it goes great and then I feel awful afterwards. My 8 year old daughter also feels sad afterwards.
Anyway, I reached out to my X as I have been feeling that maybe I should try and put my "expectations" away and see what happens. I told her it she could do stuff with us if she wanted and that it would be nice. I told her the kids miss her and so do I (ya, I know, 2x4 to the head for me).
My X has been 100% steady in her message to me that she has no interest in me. She has asked to do stuff together probably because I do so many unique experiences with our kids and she misses them. When we are together she has such a wall up that I am always tempted to ask her why we even bother going out.
Anyway, here is what she wrote when I suggested that it would be nice to all do something together: "I really do appreciate the offer so much. And I'm always happy to do something together...as long as it doesn't turn into you thinking it is something more. So your call."
I read on these forums the amount of people that would kill to have what I have with my XW so that has made me think I should try to put my "expectations" away and spend time with her. At the same time I also feel a huge amount of hurt when I am with her. We have such a great time together I just can't understand why we don't continue to keep that going and work on our situation.
Friends have observed that she is being 100% clear with me that she has no interest in me whatsoever. They are also very upset with her that it appears that she is just cake eating.
Not sure what to do. It would be helpful to hear from you ladies out there that were a WAW and or MLC. Thanks!
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
Reminds me a little of my XW. Not to mind read/speculate too much but I sense from your story that she feels pursuit pressure from you, hence the brick wall.
My advice, move on, even if you don't feel like it, fake it. Eliminate the very idea from her head that you're hoping that some day the two of you will get back together. She has to "feel" like she's "lost" you somewhat.
Until then you're stuck in a dynamic and cannot move the sitch forward. It's tough, I know, her perception of you has to change.
Prayers Pic
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
how many times are you going to stick your finger in the socket before you get shocked. no contact. tell the kids mommy doesnt want to be a family. period
what i meant was how many times do u need to get shocked before you realize u shouldnt put your finger in the socket. hard to believe, but there will actually be a day when you look at her and not even give a crap.
We have 2 kids together so we have constant interaction.
It's always nice when we get together. It's just so damn hard to have a great time and not continue to have more. I don't hear from her for days after and then I get resentful.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
You are 100% right about the IC's. My XW and I have seen 3 IC's and they have all said to not do stuff together with the kids. I keep bringing this up with my X and she say's "the kids will adapt to whatever, as it will become their norm".
I think my X will probably not ask to do anything together with the kids anymore. We seem to at least be gaining some distance from each other by extending the duration between contact.
Ha ha, to tell you the truth I would prefer to have a '"friend" instead of a girlfriend. (I am sure you know what I mean)
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
