Just wanted to give you my support. The changes you are making are excellent ones not only for trying to save your marriage, but more importantly for YOU, as well as for your kiddos. You should be very proud of yourself for quitting the drink. Stay strong! You have lots of support here!
So heres the story, and I would really like your thoughts about what is going on as I can get totally carried away!!
After lunch with the family and yesterday with the kids, what is actually happening here??
When I had them yesterday my wife must have called me about 5 times, just asking what we are up to, what time will they be back, etc, no real need to call though?
I took them back, everything fine, then went to the gym.
I got home, showered, had something to eat, and laid on the bed watching tv, as I laid there I thought she will call soon, hey ho!!!, 10mins later, phone rings its my wife.
We just talked about the kids, things she was up to, friends, when my daughter asked to speak to me, she told her to wait until she was finished talking to me!!! We laughed about silly things, and she asked if I could watch my daughter for an hour later tonight for her while she goes to the gym, yeah no probs, all very very nice, then I spoke to the kids.
So......what is happening here? I know we are re-connecting, I know we are getting on and I'm really enjoying it, and I know I don't ask for anything or mention "us", but there must be something going on??
As I have previously said, she went out for dinner with her sister, now if the conversation was its over and thats that, then I'm sure the calls would have stopped, but if her sister has encouraged her to "look" at the situation, my changes, etc, then I can understand whats happening.
I don't want to get my hopes up only to get hurt again, but I feel like calling her and saying " I love you, and I know you love me, so lets sort this all out together", but that would only send her running backwards!!!!
So I go along with it all, its very nice, but the closer we are getting, the more I want to hold her and tell her I love her, its very frustrating!!!!!!
Any advice, thoughts, would be really appreciated guys
Well its not even 1.00pm yet and my wife and I have spoken for over an hour on the phone already!!
It starts off with a trivial call over something silly, then there are calls from her over a period, we laugh and its all very nice.
We were talking earlier about me getting the kids so she can go to the gym, she was asking me what time I was getting there, then she said jokingly that I need structure in my life, I said that I just needed her in my life,!!!!, bad move I know!!, but she just laughed and said I'd had a chance and blew it, she was laughing as she said it, it was not said with any venom or hurt, it was a polite brush off??
So we are back playing our dance of talking loads, making each other laugh, but thats it!!
Its so frustrating, but I know this is much better than no calls, and arguing!!!
I love my wife with all my heart, I would just love to be back with her in my arms
I think that things are going so well that you need to stick with status quo for now. I'm afraid if you try to do a R talk, she's going to back away. You are doing things JUST RIGHT right now. You have made changes, she is seeing them in you and is very interested. Just stay consistent and patient. When she's ready, she'll bring the R talk up. In the meantime, stay the course!!! I'm so happy for you that things are going well.
I know it's alot easier said than done, believe me I know!!!!, but once you lose the anger and hurt, and just be polite and nice to your partner, the difference is unreal!!
I read the books, I read the boards, and I got it wrong, I might not have been ready for the changes, but I got it wrong!!
I miss-understood the part of not always beling available, basically I think I thought I had to be awkward and not be there to help!!!!
Last night was a perfect example, I had the kids for a few hours while she went to the gym, these are my kids!!!, why wouldn't I want them??? I might have made a reason previously not to have them?, if i'm busy, fine, sorry I cannot help, but if I'm not, then why not have them, just to spite her???
We had a good time together, we laughed and watched a movie, they didn't want to go back!!!!
But when I took them, my wife came out and really thanked me, she looked happy and was very grateful.
This made me feel even more like a family, doing things for each other, no motive, just to help and to see my kids??
If I can maintain this awareness and attitude to my wife and family, she cannot want to have us all together, she can see how my relationship with the kids is growing by the day, she has made loads of comments about it, and even commented that her parents cannot believe how my daughter is towards me!!!
She has always been a mammys girl, and hated me when we fought and I upset my wife, but over time, no arguing, no fighting, me being calm, and loving to them all, she has suddenly really took to me, to the stage were she wants to be with me more than her mother!!!, not that I want to celebrate that, but it shows how my changes have been noticed by my daughter, and her changes have been noticed by my wife!!!
My wife has already called me a few times today, over nothing really, I think she finds and excuse to call me, just to check in and talk??
The changes in my situation in the last month have been dramatic!!!!!
I love my wife and family, and I love talking to her daily, I love seeing her smile when I see her, and I love hearing her laugh on the phone when we talk.
I have to take strength and positives from this as it makes me even more determined to maintain my lifestyle changes, and to have my family back.
Thanks for listening, this is great for letting my thoughts go!
You may have gotten it wrong before, but you are hitting the nail on the head this time! Keep up the good work! So glad you had an enjoyable evening once again with the family. What AWESOME news about how you and your daughter have grown close again. Look at how giving up alcohol and making some tweaks in your life have paid off so greatly! YOU are a success story because YOU are changing for the better. I pray your marriage will be a success story, too!
