It's been a long time since I posted on these boards. Things are so much better now. W had started the divorce process then stopped them in about febuary.We are doing pretty well, we exchange I love you's, are intimate. I told her not long ago how sex to me was a form of acceptance and that it would be nice if she initiated once in a while. She said so you want me to change. I admit she never was that way. And is ok with it with me initiateing it. I have a problem creating scenarios in my mind, she get's a text and I wonder who it is but don't want to ask.I have to find a way to stop before I ruin our chances. Just last week W told me I was smothering her. Help. Finding it difficult to get past the past.
I have a problem creating scenarios in my mind, she get's a text and I wonder who it is but don't want to ask.I have to find a way to stop before I ruin our chances. Just last week W told me I was smothering her. Help. Finding it difficult to get past the past.
The past is part of you. I don't think one gets past it, but learns to accept it and changes their perspective about it to move beyond a this happened to me stance. She's telling you to stop smothering her. What are you doing to give her some space? I don't think there's going to be a comfortable way to move forward. Fear and mistrust will be a part of things for now, but you must act in ways that will move the R forward. Try some things and see what happens.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Thanks CL. I guess I needed to hear that some of the things I'm feeling are normal and to not jump ship or beat myself up over them. When I'm overwhelmed with feelings I tend to reach out more to her. I will keep this in the back of my mind now. Confidence is something I'm working on.
You will have doubts and setbacks in your mind. I found it helpful to go back to all the DB techniques when I'm feeling that way.
When you are feeling insecure, THAT is when you move closer and be ever so compassionate......in a lovingly distant way. Be kind, gentle, quiet.....smile "caringly."
The past is so hard, so very hard, but don't let it overtake the NOW.
MZ
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
