time and distance

[any chance?]

My old thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177971&page=11

Time to start a new thread, as the world is different now. Spent the weekend loading W's UHaul. W was very anxious all week, saying goodbye to friends, getting ready for the move. Now she is gone.

Now I am in limbo. The D papers W filed in May have expired, so nothing legal has been done. We have not split funds, but she took everything she owns with her. W maintains she needs to move to heal herself and reevaluate life. Says she has no idea what the future holds. I don't think she is coming back, and certainly cannot mope around waiting for her to return.

I am leaving contact up to her. She will soon be living a new life 1500 miles away. I hope she is able to get her head on straight. I don't know if or when reality will hit her. Part of me says she is just done with me and our M and that I should close the door and move on. I definately took the high road in helping her with her transition. Keep the road home smooth as folks here say.

Reality is sinking in here in this big empty house. I am alone. My head is spinning. I need to shake myself and get on with life and start moving toward my goals. I need to GAL. I cannot let the depression suck me in.

Am told time is on my side. The distance is a problem. Out of sight, out of mind. I think I need to accept reality. She is not coming back.

[Telemark]

AC, brother, I feel for you. There are no words to ease your pain. I will tell you this, though: as each day passes, you will feel a little stronger (I know, it sounds like a tired cliche, but it is true). You'll backslide here and there, but the distance and no contact factors work both ways; you will find yourself working more on yourself and thinking less of your W, and I can tell you, that is a good feeling.

There is nothing you can do about her right now, but there is a lot you can do about you.

We're all praying and thinking good thoughts for you. You do the same for yourself.

[jbnati]

AC, you have done an excellent job of keeping the road home paved and smooth.

Please remember there are several different outcomes of your situation. Yes, there is the possibility of your W disappearing out of your life forever. However, that's only one scenario. There's the other possibility your W will take the time to heal, she returns, and has the energy to put into R, and you end up in better place than you've ever been before. There's a plethora of scenario in between the two.

We have the freedom to choice the positives and the negatives out of anything that happens in our lives. Since we have that freedom to choose, we might as well excercise and choose the positives.

Telemark's right. It will get better over time for you. I hate saying that as much as I hate hearing it. It sounds so cliche, but it's ture.

Embrace your situation. Enjoy the freedom of coming and going. Work hard on your GAL. Spend time in the company of other people. I know that's been paramount for me.

Hang in there, man. Know that I'm amongst those thinking about you and praying for you.

[Endeavour]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, ac. This journey has been one of the most painful experiences of my life so unfortunately I understand your heartbreak all too well.

I don't have any words of wisdom but the posters above are farther along this sorted path so we can try to find some comfort in knowing that it does get easier as time goes by...

You W may return, she may not, but you will be happy again someday.

Take care of yourself.

[~¤DG¤~]

AC, man that's rough. It was very nice of you to help her pack her belongings.
I'm sorry that your going through this. It hurts like h*ll and the only thing that will help is time. We're all here for you.

[Julz]

It hurts more then anything in the world - watching (or helping) the person you love and have spent so many good years together just pack up and leave, without a backward glance. It will get easier - I already see only 10 weeks later that I'm able to pick myself up quicker. It's a roller coaster - you will have good and back days, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember tomorrow is a new day.

[ncl]

I'm so very sorry for your pain right. You were such a gentleman to help your W as she embarked on this journey. What a display of true love...letting her go.

I hope that you will work hard on taking care of yourself. I know you don't feel like it, but try to surround yourself with people who love and care about you. Go see a funny movie. Take a little road trip. Try something new every day. Do your best to rest and to eat well. Cry when you need to and then move on from it. You truly have to take each day one at a time...sometimes, I find I have to take things one hour at a time. Just know that you have done everything you can to save your M. The Lord has mighty plans for you...He isn't finished with you yet! Try to keep your mind and heart open to what He has in store for you. I promise...whatever it is, it's good stuff.

[NTX_Dad]

My wife is moving September 1st. It's really going to suck. I can imagine how you feel.

Our sitch has been going on since April and for the first time last night, she finally showed some stress and remorse. I pray that in the next two weeks she will come around and change her mind.

Our therapist says it's best to heal where the illness has occurred. I'm still not convinced being separated is going to fix us... but hopefully I'm wrong.

Hang in there, we will get through this together.

[any chance?]

Second day. Time to shake myself off and get back into life. Started some GAL yesterday (22 mile bike ride). A bit more everyday.

W is texting me each night to let me know where she is. She is moving into her new house 1500 miles away as I write this. Bizarre concept.

Time for me to take control of my life again. Been almost 3 years of turmoil. Time to take a breather.

Thanks for your support, everyone.

[jbnati]

Started some GAL yesterday (22 mile bike ride). A bit more everyday.

That'll get you a big 'ol jbnati seal of approval

Hang in there, man. Keep us posted. I am thinking about you and praying for you.