If you want to know some of the details in my situation, you can look at my post here:
I'm pretty sure my wife is going through a MLC. Not 100% sure though. I was reading this post and saw some advice about not letting the spouse having the MLC have an easy divorce. Basically it states that the MLC'er is making a decision for you. If they really want the D then they can go through all the steps in pursuing one.
I'm not sure what my wife is planning to do, but she is moving out of the house in a week. She's had the apartment secured for a week now, but they're remodeling it and it's not ready. I believe we have settled on a separation, but I have no clue what is going on through her head.
We have two kids and have agreed to make this split as easy as possible. Again, I have no idea if she'll change her mind, but we are going to split the kids 50/50. We've already gone through the house and decided what she is going to take and what she is leaving. I want to make this as easy as possible because I've heard horror stories about women generally getting custody of the kids.
So, do we still go along with what we have agreed upon? I haven't made all things easy on her though. I found out she applied for a credit card in my name (thankfully the cc company called me) and I ended up calling the police. I had a suspicion it was her, but someone stole my cc information two months ago and I wasn't sure. While I was waiting for an officer to call me so that I could file the report, I called my wife and asked her if she did it. Her excuse was that she put my name down on the application so that I could have a card too. She intended to put the account in her name. **cough-bs-cough**. why would the cc company call me then if I was going to just be a card holder? But I digress. She also logged into "our" ticketmaster account (which is in my name) and purchased tickets using my mom's cc. Of course, her mom and my mom have the same first name, so I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt. They told me asap and promised to pay back the money..which I have yet to see. When I found out, I told the wife that she is divorcing me....there isn't an "our" anymore...she has to create her own accounts. I then changed all may passwords, security questions and erased all payment information from every thing I could think of. My computer and iPhone are now password protected.
So, I'm not really letting her push me around. The stuff she wants out of the house is stuff her mom gave her. I hate the stuff she bought, so she can have all of it. I think we're both happy with what we are each keeping.
Do I wait until she files the separation papers before I do anything? From what I understand, whatever agreement or ruling is made during the process of separation will still remain intact if we divorce. We both have agreed not to get lawyers involved, but instead, we will hire a mediator. Am I making this too easy on her? My big concern is she'll take the kids. IMO, she doesn't have a thing that she can say bad about me, except that I'm unemployed. Which I have been self-employed for years until she gave me an ultimatum of picking my career or her...I picked her. This was right before the time of year where business is booming. Two months later she leaves me. I've had work thrown my way, but I had to reject it because she is at her friend's house until 2, 3 or 4 in the morning. She doesn't tell me her plans and someone has to be home to watch the kids. If I work (I travel for work), then I'm worried about what will happen with the kids while I'm gone. They do not need to be at her friend's house until 2 or 3 am, which has happened a few times already. School started this week, and besides, they are kids; they need to be home and in bed. To put it in perspective, I can work 5 days and make what she makes in seven weeks. But I have to think of the kids first. If she's just leaving the kids with me, and not communicating what her plans are, what can I do? She is getting to the point where she leaves the kids with me and then spends the night at her friends house, which she doesn't tell me except through text a 2:30 am. What other option do I have?
So, should I pursue as normal until papers are filed? Should I get a lawyer anyway? Should I go back on what we agreed upon? What should I do?
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments.
GAL.
Detach. - The single most important thing you can do
You have been given a GIFT The gift of TIME. - Use is wisely.
David, Glad you came down here to the MLC forum.......Cadet has given you some good info to look over.
As I said before, MLC is a different animal and can get really ugly at times......fortunately you seem to be taking things in stride, I definitely aplaud you for keeping calm, it will help YOU stay on track.
While MLC is a different animal your actions and focus are the same.......YOU do things for YOU and focus on your life and living it to its fullest potential.
It there that you will find your happiness and strength to be the very best father, friend and yes husband any man could be.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
