Can my blah blah blah?

[a girl]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2163385#Post2163385

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2167843#Post2167843

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2170802#Post2170802

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2173348#Post2173348

Hit 98 on my old thread, decided to start a new one.

Not even sure what I want anymore. Don't know if that's progress.

[Telemark]

"Can my blah blah blah?"

Well that made me laugh...

"Not even sure what I want anymore. Don't know if that's progress."

And that made me nod my head in agreement. First weekend I'm in the house alone and I realize I don't really miss my W; at least not the person she has become.

The whole thing about "time is on our side" is a double-edged sword, I think. The longer we do this "come here, go away" dance with our spouses, the less we feel like trying to save anything.

Well, that's my $.02, anyway...

[a girl]

Thanks, Tele - I agree - it feels like the longer H is gone, the more entangled he becomes with OW, the more hurtful things he does to me and S7, and the less I want him.

Today was supposed to be the day he came over to get the last load of "stuff we have to divide", but I woke up with a migraine and am still not 100% so I've decided he can just wait and do it next week. I'm not up to spending time with him and why should I have to? I'm not the one who did this.

Anyway, as I mentioned in my last thread, I'm struggling with anger a lot - and I'm sure it's just covering up some hurt and maybe some fear.

Hurt that he could do this .. and fear that his relationship will actually work out. I know it's petty, but .. I don't want him to be "right". Anyway. Need to work that out. Maybe later.

[a girl]

20 minutes on the treadmill. Didn't help. Guess I should just accept that I'm in a funk, let it happen for a bit, and then pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep working on being a better me. For me.

[LearningPatience]

Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the pain, the hurt, the anger. Feel it, but let it pass and don't dwell on it.

[a girl]

Sent H a text - "Pretty migrainy today. Let's leave the rest of your stuff until next Saturday. Please feed S7 before you bring him back at 7."

We'll see what he says.

[~¤DG¤~]

Hey girl-

It is ok to be in a funk sometimes, it is part of the cycle that we are all a part of. It's impossible to keep a PMA all the time.
Sometimes you just gotta work through it.

The anger is normal. I struggle with it at times as well.

Are you in counseling? Maybe that might help you deal with your anger.

Like you, as time goes on, I am questioning what I even want anymore.

[a girl]

Took a nap - realised I was up until 4am and woke back up at 8am with a migraine, and the sleep I got afterwards (about 2 hours) wasn't restful.

Not saying my down mood was entirely caused by being tired, but I think we do tend to forget the impact that one night of bad sleep can have on us.

Up and awake, feeling a little better. H is dropping S7 off in an hour, but is fortunately not going to try to work on more packing while he's here - will be glad not to have to interact with him.

[Julz]

I know I'm always super emotional when I'm tired. I really need to make sure I get enough sleep to stop the tears.

[25yearsmlc]

Sometimes when the storms of sadness/fear thunder all around us, we have to stand in the doorframe of the house and simply wait to let the winds pass by

and in time, our moods lift, like the clouds.

I think it IS progress that you don't know what you want.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder..." OR

absence makes the heart go wander"?? IDK...

just sharing with you some of my old thoughts and ideas.


We don't know why your h did what he did. You know some of your part in it, and that's truly all you can address. Own it, fix it, forgive yourself and let it go.

You'll be a better partner for the next R in your life, which we MIGHT hope is with your h...

But you cannot let the measure of your happiness rest at all, on HIS misery or happiness.

IOW, if he were gone but miserable, that would Not MAKE you happy.

Nor should his apparent happiness MAKE you miserable.

The two really are unrelated. They MUST be and you can make sure they are.

But I empathize with your fear about him being "right".

I'm convinced many A's lead to marriage and stay married longer, b/c of the desire for the WAS to be "right".

All the LBSer can do is not force them into each others arms more, by challenging them or condemning them all the time.

Plus, even with all that ego motivation of the WASs to be "right", 2nd marriages that begin as affairs, still have about an 80% divorce rate...not too hot.


Girl,
Your happiness is all up to you. Right now you don't believe that b/c you are so hurt.

But ultimately, Yes, Your happiness is ALL up to you.

When you come to KNOW this in your mind and heart, you'll have "arrived".


((( )))



PS
I'm almost afraid to post this...seeing as we just celebrated our 30th. And I don't want to lose a child to test my beliefs below.

But I believe that if my h were to die or divorce me tomorrow, in time, I'd be happy and fulfilled again.

Before our crisis and my DBing efforts, I'm not sure I knew that. But I do now.

I'll never let myself fall that low or be that sad b/c of another person's choices again.

Someday I hope you come to this place I'm in. It's very empowering.