The reason is that I was/am afraid that if I hurt her, she will walk away from me.
Uhmmm......Didn't that already happen ?
No. I believe he's talking about the OW here not his W.
I respect your courage, Denver. I find these kinds of things can be hard to admit to oneself. One thing I found was that being much less attached to the outcome with OW allowed me to see myself and my reactions at a more comfortable arms length and learn some very valuable things.
I found that identifying the physical location in my body of the fear and neediness and breathing through it, directing my breath to that place, for instance a sick feeling just below my navel, and breathing deeply into it, helped to unwind some deep knots on both a physical and mental level. Might help you also.
No. I believe he's talking about the OW here not his W.
Gotcha....
Just seems to be a common fear for BOTH right now....
Common fear... but for entirely different reasons.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
W called my cell phone early this evening. Said she was calling to ask me a legal question. SS shot a neighbors window with a bb gun... accident. Neighbor asked W to pay to get it fixed. W was calling me to see if she needed to get neighbor to sign anything saying that she was not liable for anything after the window was fixed.
I know that I could be wrong, but I really think that W just came up with that as a reason to call. Pretty coincidental that W decided to call me on this issue later in the day after I had called SS to see how he was doing.
Anyway, after discussing the 'legal issue', W apparently wanted to keep talking. She talked my ear off about her jobs, her new place, SS, etc.
It was a very similar conversation to the one that we had last Thursday. W acted like she just wanted to talk and talk.... I mostly just listened.
A couple of interesting things that W mentioned during the call:
1) SS is 'furious' with her for making him change schools by moving,
2) She struggling financially
3) Her new place has lots of issues - W said that she was having to adjust to having an older place when she has been used to having a large brand new house with new appliances etc.
4) Her new place has lots of bugs and spiders... she hates all types of insects... she laughed when telling me about this, but I think it is bothering her.
I may have read this incorrectly, but I really think that W sounded a bit nervous while talking to me tonight. She started the convo out by asking me, 'is it okay if I ask you?'
There was definitely none of the anger in W's voice that I have had to put up with most of the past 6 months.
For my part, I was very friendly with W during this conversation even though I mostly listened.
When we got off of the phone, I looked to see how long we had talked. We were on the phone for 35 minutes.
No R talk... No talk of OPs...
As with the contact on Thursday and Friday, this leaves me wondering what is going through my W's head.
BITS Denver
However, I cut her off and said, as politely as I could, "Look, I'm sorry to cut you off, but you know that when you are ready to try I would welcome the opportunity to sit down with you and talk about what we need from each other in order for that to happen. Until that time I cannot have casual contact with you as it hurts me while you are undecided, I am sure you can understand.
The reason is that I was/am afraid that if I hurt her, she will walk away from me.
Uhmmm......Didn't that already happen ?
No. I believe he's talking about the OW here not his W.
I respect your courage, Denver. I find these kinds of things can be hard to admit to oneself. One thing I found was that being much less attached to the outcome with OW allowed me to see myself and my reactions at a more comfortable arms length and learn some very valuable things.
I think that is true of me as well Dantes.
So I answered your question about why I was dishonest with OW. Now to confront that. Ugh.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
at MHL)
