SG - That sounds lovely - be sure to get back to me after you do the deed though and let me know if he was worth the wait! I have such a difficult time imagining the kinds of guys I like, being willing to wait that long.
Everybody here seems to be worried about having regrets after sleeping with someone. I have to say, so far I don't regret any of the guys I have been with since the ex. Even the ones that turned out to be brief escapades, were lovely life-affirming interactions and I am still good friends with all of them. Maybe I am less vulnerable than most - I know my best friend thinks she is far too fragile for such.
BUT - I am ready for a steady boyfriend now and don't want to keep racking up ex-lovers. I really thought Mr. Big Lots had boyfriend potential and am somewhat perplexed at how this is turning out. Maybe it IS just as simple as me being too easy.
I just wanted to tell you how beautiful your story is. See men do have deep emotions, that have just been taught to hide them. Thank you so much for sharing.
Laura, quit focusing on the handy man and find some guy that will tell you how special you truley are. You don't need to be in a hurry. Heck I just finished up 3 years of divorcedom and I am feeling pretty good about me. Working on the house and the messes around the house now. If a good guy comes my way, I won't run.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
SG, that is something I hope to have, someday. As it is, I know I am in the place you described - taking care of my life, finances, kids. The other will have to wait, and that is just fine.
I think men who are handy around the house and fix things or put in floors
or hang up heavy stuff....well, it's like foreplay to me!!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So great to hear from you. I just told Josh you posted for the first time in ages. We both have fond memories of meeting you and your son in wine country.
I am so very happy for you. I truly believe that when you get busy living your life - the rest just falls into place. When you are out "looking" for it - it often shows. And desperation is not attractive.
Well, I'm right with you about the younger guy. Age is just a number, really. That's what Josh says. We just fit together. He IS a good companion. Someone I can enjoy cooking with, walking with, going out with or just reading alongside. We are part of a 2 person "team". And it just evolved naturally. We were still pretty early in the process when you met us.
Sounds like you've taken things slowly in your life. Got past that early "crisis" stage and discovered what is really right for YOU! I am so very happy for you.
KML: Your dating escapades of the past year or so left me wondering if you were the same woman I met in California a few years back. I honestly didn't think you wanted a relationship because it seemed like you just wanted one night stands. Maybe in your heart of hearts you wanted more but it really did seem more like "booty calls" than "building" of possible long term relationships. I am wondering if you were experiencing your own "mid life crisis" of sorts. Not that this is a really bad thing but YOUR own personal journey in finding out who you really are and what your really want. And I think you are now just starting to find out that you really want MORE than just one night stands. And you do remember that if something isn't working - do something different. Try a 180.
Your description of your perfect relationship is pretty much what I have. As you know - Josh and I don't live together. Yes - we have a house together but he lives in the city during the week - here on the weekends which now seem to be 3 or sometimes 4 night weekends when possible as he can sometimes work remotely. And this is great. He loves the "independent" me. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. But I enjoy our time together and now we work together to make our house a home. And yes - sex is a great part of it. But it is just a part of it. I love the wining and dining and down time just as much. And I truly love my "icing" on the cake too.
So - I guess you are making some progress here. First - you have determined what it is you are after and Second - you have realized that your method is not helping you achieve what you want. So this is a great start.
The best advice I can offer is - be choosy! You deserve the best - don't accept less. It is truly doubtful that some guy in Big Lots who knocks you off your feet or some surfer kid are really going to be right for you in the long run. Protect your heart. Look for someone with similar goals and interests - that is what will sustain you in the long run. Of course the sex is important but I'm guessing that with the right foundation of a relationship - the sex will be grand when the time is right.
So - how long did I wait? I had heard 3 dates and boy did I want it! I had gone without for 3 years at that point. But I was in a therapy group at the time and asked. And got bombarded with the "WAIT" reply. Not what I wanted to hear. Hold out. Let the relationship grow. Don't give in. The nice thing was that Josh was not pressuring me. We were enjoying our many other forms of expressing our growing affection. And yes - we did kiss on the first date and it was lucious and helped so much.
And the truth is that we dated weekly for about 3 months before we sealed the deal on a night when the moon was out and the stars aligned and we were at the cottage and it was well worth waiting for. And I knew for sure that I was "in love" and that was what I needed.
And it is different for everyone but I remember some sage advice from when I was a teen in the 70s. "Many people often regret having sex but few people ever regret waiting". Maybe the 70s wasn't THAT "casual" after all.
