Totally confused

[alone]

I am posting my original post here from the suggestion of another member. I also have 2 other posts that I will move here after the appear on the board.

Husband of 30 years left 3 months ago, living in a hotel. We have been going to marriage counseling going on dates having a good time together. Last week found out that there is another woman. She lives over 1000 miles from us. He says that they are friends but has started to have deeper feelings. Says he is confused and loves me and wants us to be happy together but can't say that he can stop talking to her. He is Starting independent counseling which our marriage counselor suggested even before this because he has been depressed and confused. (One minute wants to come home next does not) Now I am totally confused in what I want. I love him and wanted to work on marriage and then the next minute I feel like just walking away. Why would I want someone that does not care what he is doing to me. I can't sleep and am terribly confused by my own feelings. I had started independent counseling and had 1 session my next is this coming Friday. Does anybody have any advice on just how to at least have this emotional roller coaster slow down a little? I know that it will not stop at this time.

[alone]

We have been married for 30 years. He is 51 and I am 48. We have 2 children 29 and 28, 2 grandchildren 5 and 15 months. Marriage was very good until a year and half. Husband was unhappy in his job he took a temp position in same organization in another state that was to help progress his career. I stayed home since I had been with my company for 16 years and he was coming back we skyped and he was home every other weekend and I went out there. The position the came up as a permanent position and we talked again how he was unhappy at his job there that he had been with for over 25 years and we decided to move. I left my job of 17 years and left our kids and grandchild. Then after I got here the intimacy stopped in the marriage he was not able to even though we had tried a few times. We did not handle it correctly I was trying to be supportive and not push him. I should have talked more about it to him and we should have worked together on it. But besides that every thing seemed fine we had fun together and had friends. Then out of the blue I got the talk I love you and care deeply for you but do not love you that was 3 months ago. But then times he says he is closer to coming home then he is not. Then I found out about the other woman.

[alone]

Yes I have the DR book read it once and made notes, think I need to read again because I have been reading so many books. Also I have talked to a divorce busting coach 2 times.

[alone]

Tonight I am going to dinner and the movie's with my husband. First time that I will actually see him since I found out about the other woman. Don't know what I feel at this moment. Trying to get my self together. This week has been very hard for me, sometimes I don't know if I can go on with this, I just want to run away and leave all this behind.

I feel like my life has become a game and that I have to pretend that I am strong in front of my husband when I am not. I do not think that he even understands the intense pain that he has caused me. I feel alone.

[dbmod]

Alone-

How did it go?

Wishing you the best-

[Telemark]

Alone, just read your story...I'm sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately everything you have shared is so similar to most of the stories here; it is as if your H has become a completely different person.

So...how did the dinner / movie evening go for you?

[alone]

Had fun at dinner and the movie at the end of evening he also said that he had a good time. He asked if I wanted to go hiking on Saturday. He our neighbors that he had a good time at dinner and that he was looking forward to the hike. We hiked 12 miles and had a good time and it kicked our butts. We laughed about it. When we were coming home he said that he needed to come by a couple of days to get his hunting stuff together. He is coming by Tuesday and on Wednesday. Wednesday he is staying for dinner and we will talk. Wednesday morning is his first independent counseling session.

Hopefully the good times we had will help him. It is just so hard to understand how some one can be so confused.

[alone]

Kinda rushed through my last post, my sister called in the middle.

I was thinking that I should not have gone on the hike with him, but during the hike I was glad I did. I was glad that it is me that he is sharing his time with and having fun. The other woman only gets phone calls, texts and emails. I have the advantage of being in the same area as him while she is 1000 miles away. The advantage that she has is probably the excitement of someone new and that he does not have to deal with the hurt that he has caused. I do not think that I would have been able to work on this if she lived here.

One of the hardest things for me right now is that I am having a hard time at the house. This used to be a home where I shared my life and dreams with my husband. I wanted to keep it up like I did my marriage. Now I just live in this house that I have to keep up.

How do you deal with the thoughts of the person that always helped you through the tough times is the one causing your pain and can't be there for you. But if the OW needed him he could comfort her. I just wish that I could be held and told that things will be all right.

Guess that I should not want so much at least he is not mean and wants to spend time and work on our marriage. I guess that is what he wants from the last talk saying that he does not know. Since we are spending time together, his counseling, and scheduled talk the evening after his first counseling. He wanted to talk after his appointment.

Hopefully after I go through this and learn, I could give my support and knowledge to other members.

[dbmod]

It's GREAT that you had a good time together. It has been said that great relationships have a ration of at least 5:1 good times to bad times.

I was glad that it is me that he is sharing his time with and having fun. The other woman only gets phone calls, texts and emails. I have the advantage of being in the same area as him while she is 1000 miles away

This is powerful--keep working it, unless it stops helping.

[alone]

Thanks it is hard to keep going tonight I feel alone and want to stop fighting for my marriage. If only they realized the great pain that they put us through and how the love that we have for them has been compromised. I look forward to tomorrow.