Preseason has begun...just trying to make the cut

[♪CS♪]

I see a pretty clear pattern for your W.

You back off, she reaches out.

You push, she pulls back away.

Your posts document this pretty clearly, so remember this.

[jbnati]

I see a pretty clear pattern for your W.

You back off, she reaches out.

You push, she pulls back away.

Your posts document this pretty clearly, so remember this.

MTS, I agree with CS on this one. Her pattern is as black and white as I've seen it be with anyone. Don't reach out to her. Let her contact you first. Praying for you, buddy.

[cjackson968]

Stay in prayer... If you really want to reconcile, you have to let her be and put it in God's hands, fast, repent and pray. Sometimes that's what it takes to recieve your miracle. God knows your heart so be sure you are true with yourself in your transformation.

She cut off contact with you either because you are short in your answers to her or she's trying to move on. Neither are your fault.Trust me if you were really good to her, she's not going to give that up easily. She is still playing games with your heart and probably telling the OM about things you say etc.

Don't worry about that either... Don't be rude to her but dont go out of your way for her and definately don't make the comments about intimacy etc. She doesn't see you like that at the moment.

Not trying to be harsh just make wise decisions and pray about everything you do before you do it.To her you are just a friend and thats all you can be to her at this moment.

[MadeToSucceed]

I agree CS and jb. I didn't contact her so I'm holding strong as of now (and will continue to). I agree with the pattern but this time she's kind of deviated from it in that I didn't "do anything" to cause her to delete me. But then again I didn't "do anything" to make her go off the deep end either so that's neither here nor there I guess.

You will have good days and bad days ahead of you, welcome them both and process your feelings, don't fight them. This is the "work" part of it, this is the part that builds a new MTS.

Your suffering while painful, it will help you grow. Let it drive you to do better for YOU to make YOUR LIFE one that is Good and happy. I promise you that you will look back one day and say that you are actually thankful for this time.

I really like what you've said here and I'm starting to realize just that...I know I'm not there yet but I know one day I'll be able to look back and realize that this was a huge period of growth for me.

[♪CS♪]

This last weekend you did A LOT man.

This may just still be a caryover from that.

Continue your growth.

Stay strong.

One way or another. Things will get better. This I guarantee.

[MadeToSucceed]

That's a nice way of saying I f'd up huh CS?

I know I know.

Is there a point of no return? I know what's done is done but...is that a wrap? I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me...is it likely that is how it will be because I did "A LOT" last weekend?

[jbnati]

Is there a point of no return? I know what's done is done but...is that a wrap? I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me...is it likely that is how it will be because I did "A LOT" last weekend?

MTS, I don't think you're at that point. You know the pattern. If you don't contact her for long enough, she will contact you. Don't focus on this, though. Be patient. Keep working on your GAL'ing. IMO you are turning to some very good places for your GAL'ing activities. Be consistent with not contacting your W and putting any sort of pressure on her.

[♪CS♪]

is that a wrap?

Not by a long shot. Be prepared for a long journey.

is it likely that is how it will be

Can't say for sure. But I agree with jb. I think as long as you stay back, it is likely she will reach out to you again.

[MHL]

Is there a point of no return? I know what's done is done but...is that a wrap? I haven't contacted her and she hasn't contacted me...is it likely that is how it will be because I did "A LOT" last weekend?

There is a paradigm shift you need to make here MTS.....

There is never a "wrap" on anything.....ever.

First.......your journey, your actions, your focus does not change based on what she does, Right????

We all come here to save our marriages.......but what you find over time is that you are really saving yourself.

Once you really get that then you will realize that if you end up divorced you still would not give up on yourself.......right???

Don't let the status of your Marriage affect whether or not you continue to work on yourself.

In a way, if it helps, you might want to go ahead and consider your marriage as over and operate from that perspective.

Saving your marriage is a by product of saving yourself.

Right now saving the marriage is driving your efforts....

The paradigm shift is changing that driving force to saving yourself.

Hope that helps.

Cheers

[MadeToSucceed]

That did help MHL.

Things have been pretty quiet as of late. She left Tuesday morning without a goodbye and is in Korea.

I hadn't heard a peep from her...until today. She called. I didn't answer because I was at work. I immediately thought the worst and so I scanned twitter real fast to see if she was ranting and/or sending out any kind of subliminal messages my way. All I was able to see is that she's now in contact with a guy we had issues with last summer (this is the guy who kissed her last summer while she was overseas, he also runs track). She'd ended all communications with him back in October and we were on the same accord with them not being having any interaction. Well I guess that is no more. It's odd...she's reaching back to "old flames"/people she knows I have issues with WHILE OM is still her "main focus." It's like she's scrambling.

I also noticed that she's unblocked me on Facebook within the last 5 days...why, I really don't know.

About 20 minutes after she called, she sent me an email:

"I was just calling to ask you about a key I was looking for but it has been found. No worries."

I didn't respond and I don't plan on responding. I still think about her A LOT but I haven't had the urge to contact her. I'm just struggling with not having affection now. I want her affection and I know I can't have it. Not just sexually but just physically...it just [censored] waking up and going to bed alone each night when you've been around someone for so long. I also know it's "wrong" for me (and not healthy) for me to seek that affection elsewhere so I'm not going to do that either.

My lawyer contacted me about the interrogatories and whether or not I wanted the adultery piece included. I'm still leaning towards no there...all it does is get me more money if this thing really goes all the way through (and that's additional money I really don't want...almost feels like blood money if that makes sense) and causes a ton of pain for her. It makes things even more public. On one hand I thought it could serve as a wakeup call knowing she'd have to truthfully answer who she's been sexually active with. On the other hand, I know she'd probably just be hurt and use it as more fuel to her fire. I'm going to speak with my pastor next Thursday and I'll probably bring this end up to get his biblical take on it before I make a decision.

I went to Bible Study on Wednesday and met with my counselor at church yesterday. I also went to get a haircut last night so I'm feeling a little better about myself I guess. Tonight I'm taking my Little (Big Brothers Big Sisters) and tomorrow my DirecTV is being installed in my new apt. I plan on trying to find a bed and mattress hopefully and straightening some things up around the place during the weekend. Church and DivorceCare on Sunday and maybe I'll get to go do something fun Sunday afternoon. Honestly, I'll probably try to enjoy some football for the first time in a long time.

I've had a decent week all things considered and plan on that continuing. As much turmoil and confusion I still feel like I'm in, I also have a bit more peace about me.