I met the most wonderful girl in the world and I threw it all away. She walked out Sunday night.
I'm not going to do the same things and make the same mistakes as I did last time. No begging her to come back. No pleading.
One question...
She wanted me to leave. She wanted me to move out. Truth is, I have no place to go. She could move in with her mother. She has a son also from a previous marriage and stated that since she has the kid I should leave. I told her I respect her feelings but I feel she is making a big mistake. I will not help her make that mistake. I will not move out of my home. So she left with the kid.
She has told all her friends it is over 100%. I just don't know what to do. I promised myself I would never let this happen again after my first wife. Problem is I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. I wish I didn't because this hurts so bad.
I screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me.
Jack - I'll tell you what happened. I allowed the old me to come back. The one who was willing to compromise and manipulate. I stopped going to meetings and relapsed last October. She did not know the drinking me and I played it off. Told her I could have one or two and it would be alright. She believed me. Truth is at the time I believed me. I was so diluted I thought I could actually control this. I know I'm a heavy hitter but I really believed I could control. I was so full of it.
Fast forward to today. We'd had about three or four drinking "episodes" together. That where we both had a bit too much. She's caught me drunk "out of the blue" a couple more times. I've cleaned her up a couple of times myself when I was sober. And now she found some airplane bottles I hid around the house and car. She asked where they came from and I lied and was caught of course. She can't trust me and she's moved out.
I started to plead and stopped myself. She was expecting me to move out but I refused. So she did.
I know I am in the wrong place here and that it is to far gone. I will back off after this post. I realize now that it doesn't matter how much or how frequent I drink. It's my behaviors surrounding alcohol. I put alcohol before another woman again in my life without even realizing it. Hence I did it again. I am really stupid here.
I haven't drank since Sunday. No withdraw because I wasn't drinking enough. Gonna try meetings again.
Sorry that you relapsed. However, for your own well-being and sanity, you have to attend those AA meetings again -- NOW! Find a accountability partner. Get it straight, get it right. Addictions are neither easy to live with nor to kick, and they also have to be constantly under surveillance. I understand, because I'm a recovering porn addict. Addictions will always and forever haunt us and be at the forefront unless we do a complete 180 and keep our guard strong and true. But I'm sure you've heard this way too many times, right?
She called me tonight asking me once again to move out. I said I could not do that. Then her father called me to let me know if I did not move out him and his brothers were going to drive here to convince me.
I am so freaking depressed. I have never been this depressed in all my life. I want to crawl into a hole and die.
Logging in on Android phone. When out at AA meeting she came home and had locks changed. Threatened me not to come home. I have never raised a hand or my voice to her. Not sure what she is capable of. Tell the police a lie? Have me arrested?
Going to sleep in my car in the Walmart parking lot. Feeling crazy. Not sure what I'm gonna do.
Breath Jack, Things will get better... Even as bad as they are right now, the future is bright.
I suggest you go to the police. NOW!
Tell them the whole story.
They will let you back in. You have a right to your home Jack.
You need to tell them everything.
She can't claim abuse with no marks/brides/cuts/swelling/redness...
Tell them about the threat from your FIL.
Tell them NOW!!!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
