Do I stay or do I go?

[anyhope]

Well, yesterday after a month of no contact with ow I saw a text on my husbands phone from her saying when do you want to see me. I promptly replied I don't want to see you, sorry and told my husband to get his stuff and go. He came with the let's wait till the first speech.. It's the 29th so I told him he can sleep in the car till the first or go to the ow.

Then I figured e might as well stay as I can't afford the place on my own and I don't want to have roommates to share the house with.

So anyways he swears up and down that they're just friends and were at the movies and even showed me the receipt of the movie tickets.. Anyways I don't care what they do she's still the ow, and he still keeps telling me he no longer loves me and can't see us happy again, but yet wants to live together.

I suggested that I will move, so he said to stay and be friends. I can't be friends with my husband as if nothing ever happened and it really hurts that he doesn't get it.

So my question is do I still wait to see if he can fall in love with me somehow or should I just pack up the dog and go?

[sandi2]

How long has he been seeing this OW? I'm thinking that you are his "excuse" to her wanting something of a commitment from him. In fact, I bet if you were to tell him you've decided to let him go and have a life with her....he'd cool his heels fast.

IMHO, if the LBS would stop pursuing the WAS, the affair would end quickly. What are some things you could do toward GAL for yourself and showing you don't need a R with a man who wants another woman?

What 180's have you been doing?

[anyhope]

I've stopped answering his calls or calling him. And it was working for a bit, he asked me out to eat and stuff, but only a month had passed and we weren't happy when we were together. We had some issues for years so for us to be happy again a lot needs to happen and needless to say there is no space for ow. But unfortunately shes back in the picture full force to the point where I really feel the marriage is over. He was out with a friend the other night and went to see her after. He tried to deny it, but poorly. I've hit him out of anger. I know it's not the best thing I can do, but right before he left to go out that night he gave me a speech on how he doesn't want the ow, or any women for that matter and just needs his space.. So much for that. All lies when all I asked him day after day is to be honest with me. I already knew he cheated and didn't stop contact, so why lie to me? So anyways he told me to leave as he I gave him a black eye, and said I was crazy. I wanted to, but can't seem to find a place I can afford ( it's safe to say I'm unemployed, really I'm self employed, but my income is either there or it isn't) I can't afford to move. I've searched and searched and finally told him I have to stay. I bought a bed and moved out of the bedroom. GAL and 180's is the only choice I have.. But not even sure I want to save this marriage anymore. So many lies and so much emotional pain I've been putting up with.. I'm just tired. I read so many of these posts since this all began over a month ago, and I see that this story is so similar to many others on this forum and I wonder how some people get the strength to 180. I was able to as well when I decided I don't want the relationship, but when he seemed to come around I had expectations again, and all failed terribly. Now he's back with her and all I can do is to GAL and I will.. I just want to avoid being in a situation like this again where I think he might still want me but at the end of the day he doesnt. Right now I feel like I wouldn't even want him back but the heart is funny sometimes. You're right, maybe if he has his fun with her, but how do you live with someone after this?

[anyhope]

He got home around 3am last night. We didn't speak to each other all day. He's living his life and as I agreed I will not interfere with how he decided. Ow just called him and he was gone within 10 min. I guess she needs a ride to somewhere or they have a date planned. It hurts so much, but still I'm more at ease knowing and accepting than living in constant lies. I should go to the gym and not let the day go to waste. I have all kinds of toughts about my life. So hard to see the one that's been beside me for so long love and care for someone else.

[anyhope]

Today was the first tuesday in over a month he hasn't gone out drinking (its wing night). We still didn't speak, except about some bills. I kept busy with work, I sang a bit (it's my hobby) and took my dog for a nice walk. I have also started a journal. I've read a bunch of posts from other ppl. Those really help a lot to cope with things. I also feel better having no contact, this way non of us is trying to pretend or lie. We can both focus on our lives. I still pay attention to what he does, but I try my best to occupy myself and look somewhat put together, I'm letting him be... With her if it has to be... Not like I have a choice.

[anyhope]

I wish these posts appeared right away, so I could get some insight to the situation. So yesterday went pretty good, and I woke up feeling pretty good about myself. Got a bunch of resumes ready and went to apply for the jobs I came across on Sunday. In the car was a receipt on the floor I loped at it and was really sad to see that he took her to a nice lake we went to just a few weeks back while I was under the impression that he's back and trying to make things right. It hurt a lot. Then as if that's not enough I got a coffe and decided to check out Facebook on my phone while drinking it (this was all before I went to drop any resumes off) so what I see on there is that they're now friends on Facebook. Again a stab in the back. I was able to look through all her pictures and came to realize that she is not prettier than me. (thank God) in fact she looks a bit trashy which is not suprizing given what her profession is. So I looked over 124 pictures of them having fun Saturday. I felt like crying. Then I got mad when she was driving our car on 2 of them.. It's my car, my husband and my life shes stealing from me. I tried to get my thoughts together and be strong. I went to drop off the resumes and felt a bit better by the time I got home. I know I'm not to bring up R in conversations, but after putting all that in my face and given that we're still in the same house I asked what the situation was with her. Is she moving in next week as they seem to get along perfectly. He said I might not believe him plus it doesn't matter because our realtionship is over, but they are just friends and went to the lake together. They don't have anything going on between them. I said it was fine. I no longer care what he does I just don't want to come home one day to her sitting in our living room or moving in or something. He said it will not happen. Then I remembered that on some photos under a waterfall she is not wearing her top. So I couldn't resist, I had to ask why she was topless on the pictures if they're just friends. He said it's not like he hasn't seen her topless before so why should she be shy about it. Well she sure isn't and I sure still don't believe a word he says. Things are so hard. Oh.. Not to mention pictures of them in a restaurant after the lake.. Made me sick, especially because he asked me out to a restaurant yesterday and I had almost the same food she had the night before with him. [censored] to know so many details, but her facebook is not restricted and she looks to be the type to take pictures of everything. Don't know how I'll go through this. I wish I could save this marriage as I know this is him MLC self not his real self, but It seems impossible. Even if he lives his live with her and decides to come back to me in 6 months let's say.. How could I put all this behind me?

[anyhope]

Woke up to his relationship status being changed to single on Facebook. I started crying, because I was thinking till now that he still feels somewhat committed that's why he didn't change his. Even thought I changed mine when I saw the text from the ow a few days back. Still hurt and I keep thinking what was he thinking when he changed it? Did he try to appeal to ow? Was he thinking of us and decided that he should? I know I'll never find out, but I'm dying to know what drives him? Why are things happening as and when they are. According to other posts its a long roller coaster ride.. I wish the roller coaster stopped already. And it's only been a few weeks of on and off

[~ kd ~]

AH... the coaster ride only stops...

when you... chose to get off...

save yourself the agony as soon as possible and detach...

[exquisitetobe]

In order for the ride to stop, Get off the coaster.
I noticed in my situation that the less i knew, the better i was. Live for yourself. Be someone strong, independant and charming. If he doesn't notice you then, maybe someone else will!!!
Hard to believe but time does help. Give yourself a day off from your pain. Very hard to do but possible. If it's to hard to accomplish right now, start with 5 minutes.
Good luck.

[anyhope]

I know. While I try to detach the best I can and not interfere nor ask questions, I'm still curious as to how things are progressing. I know I have to GAL big time. Two issues with that are that over the years I have not become real good friends with anyone. If there is a desease called phone phobia, I have it. I don't call anyone to keep in touch, he was my friend all along and now that he's not I'm even deeper in. We are pretty social, so I always interact with people from our group when we go out or if they come over I just don't have a close friend I could really count on right now. I do talk to two of our friends and one of them I trust, I trust the other as well, but I kind of have a feeling we hang up the phone and she calls around to others to give updates on our marriage, which doesnt bother me that much, people talk either way, but still. The other issue is that I don't have a steady job. I've been working towards paying off my credit cards and one was paid and there was some money put on another ( both were maxed out for years) now that we're no longer 'together' I've lived off one and already had to start using the other to pay bills. I'm trying to get a job, any job at this point that would hire me to at least make as much as I spend, until I do get a job really getting a life is limited to going to the gym, walking my dog and such. I can't really go out or go shopping which would be great ;-) I have a few spa certificates I got months ago that are already paid for and could just use.. I wanted to use one this week, but they said they were so busy they're booking for next month. I have another for another place maybe I'll try to use that. I need some good in my life right now... I know if I found a job i'd be a lot more confident and happy with myself and I didn't have as much time to think about us so much, so really my goal right now is not ever relationship related I just want to work somewhere, even if only part time, so I can at least support myself (which I always did until a year ago)