Mornings

[hoswald]

Oh, sure--no, there have been cascades of this. Sorting 20 years of memorabilia into his and hers piles almost killed me. Heck, even trying to print out copies of insurance policies with her name still on them made me shut my office door and break down sobbing (for the lawyers--I have to do all the work of the divorce I don't want so that she can take more from me--where's the justice!?).

But it's better than it has been, at least. It gets better bit by inching bit.

[a girl]

Another thing that causes me distress is when I see a date before the day my wife and I separated. It really catches my attention, makes me anxious and a bit sad. I just wish I could travel back to that date and make things different.

Does the same happen to you?

I think that's a natural reaction. You think "If only I had done X differently this time, we wouldn't be here." It's not productive thinking, though - you can only change the present.

[grr]

hi lr,

i am anxious most of the time.....morning is the worst

i have also tried mild sleeping pills and while they help relax me, at 3 am sharp, i am wide awake

it's hard to get out of bed...not because i want to sleep more, but just because it's another day without him

another day of wondering

i think the key, is just to get up early and attack the day

the few times i have done this, it seems to work

so sorry you are in this

and i do the same with the date

i will hear a song i haven't heard in a long time and wish i could go back to the last time i heard it (before separation)

but my h has to go through this journey

and i have to go through mine

and one way or another, we will, all of us, be ok

that i know

i hope we all sleep well tonight

[hopeforgood]

Yes,
it looks like we are all in the same or similar boat. Sometimes it's the mornings, sometimes the evenings for me. Sometimes both.
Mornings seem harder though.

One of my friends who went through one of these things we are going through recommended to take a cold shower in the morning and shiver for a minute. Somehow it's relaxing later. He said to do it consistently every day and it became part of his new routine to this day (for over 4 years now).

I've tried it for a week now and it works a little.

Hang in there everyone!

[Lonely Room]

Thank you grr, at least the two of us know how this hurts and tires our bodies.

Last night I took the decision that I would sleep well! So, I decided to take sleeping pills. For the first time in more than 3 months I managed to get more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep!

I woke-up at 7:20am and couldn't believe!

Even stranger: I didn't wake-up sick, or sad or fearful... I woke-up angry with my wife, clearly seeing were she also failed, and that some of my failures in our marriage had roots in her owns.

It was quite invigorating I must confess, and I didn't feel any guilt. At that precise moment, and for the next couple of hours, I was ready to fill for divorce myself! And my wife wasn't that perfect goddess any more, she had faults and lacks! And I guess I went to bed last night already feeling a bit like that.

Those feelings are a bit gone now, and I'm a bit sick and sad again.

How can you explain this?!?

Regards.

[hoswald]

Lonely--

I sort of tracked when I felt decent vs miserable, and the biggest correlation I found was sleep. If I got enough sleep, everything was just better.

As for the oscillations between sadness and confidence, that will just happen. Eventually the sadness happens less and less. It won't happen fast, but it will happen.

I remember the surprise I felt the first day I was almost glad she left, because I was no longer living with the tyranny of someone who wouldn't do anything for herself to feel happier, and then would blame me for it. I still miss her terribly, but I miss her as she was, not as she is currently.

[Lonely Room]

Hi Hoswald, I completely understand, that's how I was feeling yesterday evening and this morning.

Even all the physical attraction for my wife, that is so strong, was kind of faded. Who is the "real" me? The person from this morning or the person that I am now? How is it possible that the same person can have so contradicting feelings in the course of the same day?

This is all very new to me. The last 7 weeks have been a complete turmoil of feelings and I don't really know who I am now. :-s

Regards.

[hoswald]

I'm there with you, man. This has been a serious search for identity; I don't know if I'm confident and powerful, sensitive and heartbroken, adventurous, terrified... I cycle between all of them not knowing which is the "real me"... except of course they all are. Human beings are tremendously complex. The important part is to try and continue to be someone you can look back on with pride.

[Lonely Room]

The important part is to try and continue to be someone you can look back on with pride.

That was my strongest drive since the beginning: whichever way I get out of this, I will get out facing forward and with my head up. I did and I'm doing every single thing I can to save our marriage, all the rest is in the hands of my wife and destiny.

Thank you!

[Valeska19]

I wake up every morning after 5 or 6 hours of rest feeling sick. I usually spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom. I want to think it's "normal" for this kind of sitch, but it's been happening since March. My friends think I need to go to the doctor to make sure it isn't something more.

My point being to keep track of it. Try to be as healthy as you can w/o too much assistance from drugs.