3 months into divorce and anniversary is comming up. what do I do? do I ignore it? WAW at day 1 said she didn't want to recencile but things have cooled down since then. we are friendly and talk or email everyday mostly about our kids.
There's a mixed feeling here between doing nothing for anniversaries and taking care of ourselves. And then there's the belief of doing something simple, like sending a card with a very simple statement such as "Still worth remembering" hand written inside.
The best thing to consider is this:
Is it something that would help / hurt / or have no effect?
In other words, do not acknowledge the anniversary in any way simply as an outreach to your spouse hoping the gesture will bring your spouse back into your arms or see you in a positive light.
If your W is moving towards R, and that mean not just words or being nice, but indicating that they wish to work on the M (without prompting from you), then the card approach may work...
My wife and I are separated for 7 weeks now, without any major contact. Two weeks ago it was our anniversary, and I also had the doubts you are having.
I decided to send a short SMS message where I hoped she was feeling fine and where I wished her a good evening.
She didn't understand it because she probably didn't remember it was our anniversary (she's not very good with dates). I had to send her another email explaining and the experience wasn't very good now that I see it in perspective.
So, it didn't work for me. Before you take the decision to send something, make sure you know your wife knows it's the anniversary, that she won't feel emotionally pressured by it and that you aren't either too vague (like I was) or too emotional with your message.
Good luck, regards.
Me: 36 Wife: 33 Together: 09/2007 Married: 03/2010 I love you but...: 06/2011 Separated: 06/2011 Rebuilding: 11/2011
What did you decide to do about your anniversary?? ours will be coming up soon 10 years.......... guess there won't be any shiny anniversary band for me!
I haven't decided yet. I will probaly send her a card (witch I've never done in our 16 ys of marraige) don't get me wrong I have always celebrated our anniversary, I'm just not a card giver. not sure what to write though. I feel if I don't do something it will give her one more reason.
I thought about having her wedding ring re-done. I think at this point I would be wasting my money. How about something crazy like sending a singing telegram to her front door. maybe she would get a laugh over it, I'm sure the kids would.
Did I understand that you're getting a D? She will see an anniversary as pursuit, and especially the resizing wedding ring! The best thing would not recognize the date.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I saw in another post something was recommended to this effect:
something like....
Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts today.... or something like " I have good memories of this day and am remembering them..."
Cause int does not make sense to say "happy (?) anniversary", right?
or another way is to make it a family celebration with the kids. Thats what I was planning to suggest to my H.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
