Can my relationship be saved?

[a girl]

My previous threads -
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2163385#Post2163385

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2167843#Post2167843

I've changed this to "relationship" because I don't even know if I *want* a marriage with H right now. But we have a son and we love him, so we have to have a relationship - so, there's the focus.

So, as mentioned at the end of my last thread, he was looking for a fight and I did my best to avoid it, but we wound up a little heated, and then I asked him to leave.

I sent him an email with a new proposal for days/times to see S7 - a proposal that allows him to see S7 every day, I should note.

But, because I routinely make poor choices, I felt bad, so I sent him a text. Here's the conversation. I guess it was ok. I don't know.

Me: I'm sorry.

Him: I am too. I hope you believe me.

Me: I do believe you.

Him: I really know that you operate with his best interests in your heart.

Me: I do. I love him so much it makes me cry when I think about him being sad and missing you.

Him: I don't just think about me missing him, but him missing me. We will just have to do a lot of seeing waht is good for him and figuring it out as we go.

Him: I don't have any baseline for this either so it's hard to imagine stuff.

Him: Anyway I am sorry. I didn't not want to argue especially since I know you have been going out of your way to be nice.

Him: I mean, I have noticed.

Me: It's ok. I want you to see him as often as he wants. Truly.

Him: Yes me too. We will work on figuring out what that is.

Him: And thank you for saying that.

Me: I sent an updated idea about scheduling but we can refine it further.

Him: Ok I'll look and respond. Thank you.

Him: And good night.

Me: Good night.

(The good night was a thing I once fussed at him about - I said 'You don't ever even say good night to me. Or good morning. You just roll over and go to sleep.')

So, I don't know. Not bad. Not good. Neutral.

[~¤DG¤~]

I think the conversation went pretty well.

It sounds like you are both trying to do what is the best interest of your S and that is good. So many times parents use their children as weapons against one another and I'm glad this isn't the case with you.

Keep your chin up.

[a girl]

Thanks. It's hard because honestly, I'm still so angry at H for what he's doing - running away, taking the easy way out (finding a new relationship v. fixing ours).

At this point, I honestly don't even know what I'd do if he wanted to come back. Not that it's a decision I need to worry about.

[a girl]

Ok. Had a little crying jag on the way home today, but! I'm here, and let's find some good things.

1) Bought myself a car - 2011 Subaru Impreza. Nothing fancy, but nice and safe. Picking it up on Wednesday.

2) Found out my credit is amazing - 802. Did not know that, so happy day.

3) Good or bad, I've lost 32lbs. 18 more to go til my goal.

4) Everything else aside, H wants S7 to be ok, and I think we'll eventually get there.

5) I can do what I want with the house! Put what I want on the walls. Have the heat where I want!

6) I can go back to being vegetarian.

7) I'm no longer in a relationship that wasn't working. Whatever happens tomorrow, next week, a month from now, I'm getting stronger every day.

8) The people on this board are awesome, even in the midst of all the pain.

[a girl]

Having a harder time of it right now. Working on dropping the rope, but it's harder than it sounds.

Weekends are hard. Getting back to work tomorrow will help. Him being completely out will help. Still having a hard time filling my time - need more GAL stuff.

[LearningPatience]

Those are all *awesome* observations about yourself! I know it's hard, but try to remind yourself of these when you are feeling low. Try adding new ones too.

You are well on the way to becoming a woman only a fool would leave!

[~¤DG¤~]

Girl-

I had a crying jag today also. For some reason the past few days have been very hard.

I admire the list that you made of positive things. It reminds me that no matter what, there is always something to be thankful for. And you've got some good things on your list.

Yes, dropping the rope is hard. VERY HARD.
I've been separated for over 5 months now and you'd think it would be easy, but it isn't.

Your making great progress. It might not feel like it, but you are.

[hoswald]

Had a crying jag last night myself, after a couple of really good weeks. It DOES get better, though; the good days are starting to outnumber the bad.

Unfortunately by now my primary emotion toward W is that of bitterness and anger, and I wish it wasn't. She really was a wonderful person to me for so many years.

[a girl]

Unfortunately by now my primary emotion toward W is that of bitterness and anger, and I wish it wasn't. She really was a wonderful person to me for so many years.

I swear, weekends are the worst for this!

I struggle with the same things - not bitterness, but anger. I don't want to hate him, but it's hard to separate him from the things he's done to me/the family over the last couple months.

Right now I'm just focusing on him moving out and then me seeing him only as needed to exchange S7.

After a few months, maybe when I'm not so raw, I might be ready to look at seeing him more, if that's what he wants. I don't know.

[jbnati]

Good job on the things on the list. I'm glad to see you are taking care of yourself in all this chaos. I know this is a very hard time.
((hugs))