one more thing. you dont need to feel embarrassed here. everyone understands the stress you're going through, and everyone is human. and we've all slipped. if you want us to hold you accountable, we can do that.
come here to vent, and accept the advice with the understanding we're giving you the best we know how, but it/we may not be perfect either.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Through the years of therapy or other treatment for anger, have you ever been told that it is a learned behavior? I have seen little boys turn out to be just as hot-tempered and angry as they had seen displayed in their own fathers. They learn from the role model before them every day. They learn how Daddy reacts when things don't go to please him.
I've also seen men who have some physical problem hit them later in life that changes their temperament so much! Sometimes it could be for the worse, and sometimes for the better....or just sad and depressed. So, I agree with the thoughts of chemical reaction in the brain.
You did the right thing by sharing this problem with us, and I think everyone here will understand some of your struggles better, now that we know how you've truly tried to get help. So many people use the excuse that they couldn't help themselves, but when a person is trying to find it....then that says a lot for them.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
DGS, (DogGreenSector) I am no expert and all I post here is an opinion. I have broke bearing with an angry outburst more times than I care to think about. It got so STBXW would poke the bear for the predictable response, justifying her departure.
In my case mom was the angry parent, dad could and often did discipline with a look or quiet word. Realizing this I now attempt to exemplify dad. It is working slowly. I am getting positive feedback to keep the changes. I have to look for them as they are subtle. A side benefit of looking is it helps me read people better, preparing for and heading off negative interactions.
I have always held the opinion that meds, therapy, and motivation are all components of equal importance. Any of them alone will not achieve the desired outcome as quickly as all combined. You have a plan and a path. Execute it and walk it. Check your progress periodically, but not every minute.
Post here to vent, ask for thoughts, get support. Use help from the people you know your priest, your therapist, your DB coach and the rest of your support structure. You’ve got a lot going for you. You’ll get there, but not overnight. Complex processes take time.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Hello folks, I had to take a break for awhile as this is all very overwhelming for me. My father died on May 9th my wife has left me. Tommorrow I go to court for my divorce. My WAS is very angry and had me served last week. She texted me today and said, "expect a miserable day tommorrow."
I am just going to work and I go to Church. Someone told me to go on a date and dating is about as appealing as running my finger nails across a chalk board, yuck. I am in no shape to date or anything. I would be no good for anyone. I would not care if it was Katy Perry, I would not be interested. I have no chance of ever eliciting anything is my WAW unless I deal with my anger once and for all. Again I don't know why I get angry. I do know that there are some things that exacerbate my anger and one thing is caffeine, chocolate, alcohol (although I drink very little). When I exercise consistently I tend to be more calm. But that monkey is always on my back.
I was once diagnosed with "paranoid personality disorder" Now that sounds alot worse than it is. It is not a form of psychosis but a neurosis and considered a character disorder.
Basically people with this disorder are insecure, hyper-sensitive,have unwarranted feelings of betrayal, difficulties forming friendships and intimacy because they think everyone is trying to screw them over. Yes I tend to feel this way, however i have gotten better over the years. I don't think that everyone out there has my worst in mind. I have matured since I am a bit older now.
I still hurt pretty bad. My WAW would not let me see my son over the weekend. As big of a mouth as I have I have never been physical or a stalker or anything like that. I promise. I just have a big mouth that runs off all the time when I am mad. I am an expert at really pissing off people.
I hope everyone had a decent weekend.
Dog
"Someday we may look back on this and decide that Saving Private Ryan was the one decent thing we were able to pull out of this whole godawful mess."
Dog, wow, that's enough to knock down the best of us. i've never heard of a divorce moving that fast. do not feel bad or weak or flawed if this is overwhelming you. just take it a little at a time, and give yourself some leeway.
and yes, sometimes you need a break from the boards.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
I got a call tonight from the WAW saying that she will bypass court if I sign the joint custody agreement. This will save us money. He mind is made up and if I sign tommorrow, then I will be divorced in 61 days. The state that I live in does them fast if both agree. If I contest the divorce tomorrow then it could take as long as 2 years for it be finalized because she will have to accuse me of "habitual inhuman cruel treatment" which is standard in the courts in the South. The state that I live in will not give her a divorce based on that unless there are police reports of abuse, which there are none. We argued alot but the courts don't consider that or name calling or quarreling "habitual inhumane and cruel treatment." So ultimately she could never get a divorce while living in this state.
Do I sign or what do I do?
Dog
"Someday we may look back on this and decide that Saving Private Ryan was the one decent thing we were able to pull out of this whole godawful mess."
I just got back from court and my head is still spinning and I am in shock. My WAW told the court that I had told her that I was going to kidnap our child and take him out of state.
Thankfully the judge and even her attorney saw through that. I got visitation and have to appearr again in 30 days for final disposition unless I sign before then.
I am done. I have never seen such hatred in anyone's eyes before as I saw in hers when she looked at me. Her mother was there and thmy WAW is in her 40's. We have a little 8 year old autistic boy who is adorable and I don't want this anymore. I am throwing in the towel as that did it for me. As much as I hurt and am devastated I don't want her back anymore. This is not the same girl that I knew at one time.
I aspire to be a committed Catholic man and I aspire to be like St. Francis and this is nothing to be involved with. . Time to be a good father and get on with my life.
Hopefull the good folks here can help me be the man that I have always wanted to be. Thank you.
Dog
"Someday we may look back on this and decide that Saving Private Ryan was the one decent thing we were able to pull out of this whole godawful mess."
