[quote=mykarma] That's due to the age of our child, the fact that I'm the demonstrable "primary caregiver", and the fact that I live in the child's "familial home".
Which is precisely what my wife was thinking when she decided for herself that she was going to take our son to live with her when she left the "familial home". Since the legal system wasn't involved during that time (we were just separated), I couldn't do anything about it. Even the cops couldn't help. Nevertheless, I don't see how a court during its deliberation can NOT see that she took our son away without a mutual consent. It would be ridiculous, right?
Suggest you get a parenting plan in place *immediately*, one that makes provisions for moving more than X distance from you.
I am not settling for a parenting plan for a 3-year old who lives across the country from either of his parents. I moved and settled for my wife's career dreams our entire married life, so no more. I was thinking of moving close to where she'd end up, but I'm excelling at my workplace, so no more sacrifices. I am looking out for myself, and therefore am considering on fighting to keep our son in the state (CA). I was initially worried that doing so will essentially kill any chances of us reconciling, but I'm getting more and more convinced that she chose this, and sometimes you don't always get what you want.
I am not settling for a parenting plan for a 3-year old who lives across the country from either of his parents. I moved and settled for my wife's career dreams our entire married life, so no more. I was thinking of moving close to where she'd end up, but I'm excelling at my workplace, so no more sacrifices. I am looking out for myself, and therefore am considering on fighting to keep our son in the state (CA). I was initially worried that doing so will essentially kill any chances of us reconciling, but I'm getting more and more convinced that she chose this, and sometimes you don't always get what you want.
This is why you need to get some legal protection - I don't know the laws in your state, but in some states, if there's no document *preventing* her from leaving with him, you can't stop her.
Don't focus on reconciling/not reconciling - focus on what's right for your son, and understanding your rights and obligations as his father. Reconciliation will happen or it won't, but you want to be sure he's accounted for.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
This is why you need to get some legal protection - I don't know the laws in your state, but in some states, if there's no document *preventing* her from leaving with him, you can't stop her.
In terms of documentation, I'm not sure if my call to 911 was recorded, but if it is, that could be used if there's a court order. Also, I documented the incident/dialogue here (which is, helpfully, date and time stamped, meaning the messages couldn't have been forged unless I was some kinda genius programmer, which I'm not), so worst case scenario, I can print a copy of the posts/threads out.
Originally Posted By: a girl
Don't focus on reconciling/not reconciling - focus on what's right for your son, and understanding your rights and obligations as his father. Reconciliation will happen or it won't, but you want to be sure he's accounted for.
True that. The unfortunate thing is my wife ALSO thinks she is doing what is best for our son, so I'm quite certain if not for that reason alone, she will fight tooth and nail to keep him with her. I don't want our son to be caught in between.
Based on what I am experiencing at the moment, please do as much research as possible and speak with you L about ensuring that you get 50/50 custody. This state prefers that custody be split evenly, unless one parent is completely unfit.
My biggest mistake was drafting an agreement with my X. Even though I did not sign it, that is what is being held against me. I have a track record of being a great father with supporting documentation and declarations. My X brought nothing to the table, except the unsigned agreement. Now I find myself having to go thru a custody evaluation to regain custody of my children.
I was speaking to one of my best friends last night and I mentioned how expensive this evaluation was going to be. He has been through a D and lived in a different state from his 2 children, so he understands what I am going thru.
He said, "they are your kids and it is only money, you have to go to work tomorrow anyway, right? You will regret it if you don't do everything you can and it will eat away at you. Look, I just spent 52K to have (child #3) with K(new wife) and it was worth every penny."
What I am saying is, screw the money and protect your rights as a father.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
My biggest mistake was drafting an agreement with my X. Even though I did not sign it, that is what is being held against me. I have a track record of being a great father with supporting documentation and declarations. My X brought nothing to the table, except the unsigned agreement. Now I find myself having to go thru a custody evaluation to regain custody of my children.
Wait, can you explain to me how what you draft came back to nip you in the behind? You asked to keep your children in the state, right? How did the pendulum swing in favor of your wife who (a) did not sign the agreement in the first place, and (b) did not bring anything else to the table?
In terms of the custody evaluation, I hope it never comes to that because I really don't have any money to screw around with in the first place. I'm a foreigner who has a hard time applying for a loan. 52k? Heaven forbid!
Yea as LITB said, looks like in most states, they do prefer the 50/50 arrangement. I know it is true in mine.
While i completely and wholly agree that you gotta fight for your rights, sometimes i do wonder: If i do get full custody(which i know i would not), would my daughter end up hating me for having separated her from her mom?? Would I be able to live with that fact??. Hard choices...
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
You absolutely need to speak a L to get your rights. I know that each state is different but when I separated in 1998, my kids were 2 and 5. I was the primary caregiver in the family home and was told that I could not move them more than one hour from the familial home. At the time I wanted to live closer to family for support. It is possible they will tell her that she can't move across country, and it will not be coming from you.
