Where do I begin?

[swimmingupstream]

I am hardly a newcomer yet I felt this was the best place for me to get the most responses. I will try to keep this brief.

Over the past 2 years I have been humiliated and drug through the mud. Some of it is my fault for not having the strength to leave and part of it was hearing the words my spouse uttered giving me hope.

In the past few months my husband quit his job leaving us with nothing. He still lives in our home but I finally had the courage to leave after being left for the millionth time.

[swimmingupstream]

I had no other choice but to move my children and myself to my parents because I could not deal with him coming back in the morning again.

During this time I found his secret email account to the ow...not that I didnt know this was going on but WOW...a real eye opener. A very immature relationship with much game playing.

I then had the courage to call her..now keep in mind she was my best friend so I dont recommend this...it can be quite painful and you really have to decide who to trust. In my case..I have heard so many lies on both sides.

To keep it short....I now know that she found this site because my husband found the book under the bed a few years ago. He told her and she searched through a ton of posts until she found the one that fit our story..she then would send my husband posts that I had posted...

So....as it stands...I cant do this anymore. I cant play this sick game anymore. I have to move on with my life no matter how painful.

Here is the problem...I have ruined so many relationships because of this...friendships, family relationships, I have been a good mom but not the great mom I know I can be. How do I change all of this.

So much has been destroyed. Its such a mess..our lives are a mess. The good news is I have started dreaming again...and I finally feel more like myself. I feel a little glimmer of hope but then the depression hits..I compare it to this..I train and train for a big race..after the race I dont know what to do with myself because I spent all this time training...Same thing. How do I fix this utter destruction...The game is still being played..on all accounts...but I want OUT! The game is sick, hurtful and I am not sure what else to say...HELP!

[swimmingupstream]

oh..and if this post seems a little disorganized its because its late..Im tired and I have so much to say but I could write pages and pages on what has happened just over the last six months..and I assure you it would make some of your jaws drop! Its a lifetime special..I promise you that!

[~ kd ~]

Hey SUs... I'm guessing some of the vets will come around who know your story.

I hear you want out and based on what you said about OW having creeped you here, not sure if you are intentionally posting here expecting the OW to find the post and pass it on to your H... but...

One thing at a time.... "fixing" will come with time, what is the primary goal?

You want out, so are you planning on filing? Then what?

[Bworl]

You get out cold turkey, if I'm reading your intentions correctly.


Take care of the legal side of things, protect yourself and your children. That's first I think.


Secure your living arrangements.


Then, just like we always tell them in DB'ing, allow the focus to fall back on yourself. Set a plan in motion that will allow you to love and embrace the person that you are. I'm sure you've been working on yourself since your mess started.

Think about what you've gained. Be happy for yourself and walk in your strength.


This man does not want to do the work to become the man he was when you first met. He will drag you down. He already has dragged you down.


You can't allow that.


You're making a good decision.



Blessings,
Bill

[swimmingupstream]

Ive talked to her multiple times..she knows this. We have had conversations over the past few weeks. That is not my intention. I wanted to know how to fix my relationships with friends and family members.

[Bworl]

I don't know who "her" is. Don't remember mentioning a "her" in my response to you.


Look, reading back through your posts, you're a passionate person who takes things quite personally and strongly. I'm not sure what you could have done to family and friends, but given your husbands actions, I can't imagine them not forgiving you.


Your husband sounds like an absolute jerk. I know you love him, but he has treated you like an enemy. He has not been anything close to being a man. My father taught me how to live with honor and integrity - this is not it.


Maybe if you finally kick his butt to the curb, maybe then he'll start to get it.


And if not, quite frankly I think you're better off without him.


Trust me, not all men are cheating, hateful azholes.



Try to temper your dramatic response to everything. IT's not the end of the world. You can and will deal with the mess that the two of you created. And you can and will have an awesome life.


Probably as soon as you get this creep out of yours.



Blessings,

Bill

[KenF]

"I wanted to know how to fix my relationships with friends and family members."

just start. pick one and just lay it out there, tell the truth no matter how ugly it is. own your responsibilities and allow them to decide how to respond.

if it fixes that relationship, great, move on to another. if not, then thats ok too.

but what you dont want to do is wait, make your own opportunities.

[swimmingupstream]

Wow Bill..I feel like you have known me for years..and Im not being sarcastic....I do take things very personally and I am passionate and can be dramatic...my anxiety can often take control! Thank you..great advice! Oh..and her is the OW:)Not that she matters anymore. But thank you!!!!!! Great advice...now I just have to DO it!

[~¤DG¤~]

Making the decision to do it is the hardest part, I think.

You sound like you've been through quite the wringer with this marriage, and just putting it out there with your family and friends, hopefully with time they will be able to forgive. You have to start somewhere, right?

I always had the hardest time saying "I'm sorry" and being sincere. Once I started, it became easier. You can do this.