Should I contact her?

[Lonely Room]

Hi there,

My wife and I are separated for 5 weeks now. We are basically in no contact, having only exchanged 3 e-emails about practical things. I didn't see any initiative from my wife's side that indicates change, but I do know that she's feeling lonely and upset with this "limbo" situation.

When we separated, it was a very emotional moment and we never had a clear conversation about what happened to our marriage. When I got out of shock, the last thing I wanted was to have that conversation.

I do think that such a conversation has to happen. And I'm afraid that the more time passes, the farther away my wife will be from me.

Should I contact her to have such a conversation? Were any of you in a similar situation before?

Thank you, regards.

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm confused, you say you have been separated for 5 weeks but your sitch says since October. Have you separated more than once?

As far as contacting her, that depends. What is the purpose of your separation? Are you taking this time work on yourselves and try to work on your M?

[LearningPatience]

DG,
he's writing June 10th... my guess British or Australian.

LR,
what are *your* thoughts as to the breakdown of your M? Generally, the advice is *not* to have R talks until you are piecing your R back together. It may seem like the right and instinctive thing to do now, but it's our instincts that get a lot of us into trouble in the first place.

[Lonely Room]

Thank you guys.

You're right, we're separated since the 10th of June.

We never agreed on what the separation should be. I just left after she told me that if it wasn't me, it would be her to leave.

As I was in shock for the first two weeks, I avoided any conversation. After that, I spent another two weeks recovering from the mess I was in. Now I think it's time to understand what's going on, what's this "limbo" we're both living in.

Makes sense?

[grr]

hello and i'm so sorry about this

can you give more details?

[Harrier]

I would. But that is just me. You will have to decide what is best for.

If you are separated just to be separated. I don't see how it will turn out well.

[Lonely Room]

I would. But that is just me. You will have to decide what is best for.

If you are separated just to be separated. I don't see how it will turn out well.

I know... I'm feeling really tempted to reach-out my wife, as almost 6 weeks already passed and I didn't see any improvements. I know she feels lonely, and know that when she feels lonely she remembers the good times we had together, but I also know that she still doesn't love me or feels attracted to me. Will an approach on my side change that?

Thank you.

[Bworl]

Sure would help if we knew a bit more.

Looks like you just got married a little over a year ago. Rough year? Why?

Without more, I feel odd throwing out ideas.


I'm not very happy with the idea of 6 weeks separation being ended by a phone call or something asking if she'd like to talk. Seems cold and distant.


Maybe an invite to lunch or dinner? A lunch or dinner with NO talk about the relationship. Just a lunch or dinner to see each other, see how you're both doing, show you're interested..


Then take it from there?


Blessings,

Bill

[Lonely Room]

Hi Bworl, thank you very much for your contribution.

You can read all about my story here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=49735&Number=2161403

Does this give you more insight? Thank you again, regards.

[Bworl]

The difficult part when you are the one left behind, is to NOT become too anticipatory or hopeful. When you are the one hoping to salvage a relationship, every interaction seems SO important.


I would ask her to lunch or dinner. Not to speak of the relationship.


I think you might need to court her again. Not sure why I think that, I just do.


There are things in your relatively young relationship that didn't work well. It would be nice to have a bit of a do over on those things.


Living with parents or not.
Talking about your feelings in a productive way.



Your relationship began in a unique way. You had many obstacles to overcome. To your credit, you did. But clearly not everything went smoothly, and you have paid a price in your relationship with each other.


Think of starting over together.


Woo your wife again.


Take her lunch. Go for a walk together. Enjoy the sights.


But do it without expectations.


Do it because you love her.



See what happens.


Blessings,

Bill