Hi. Brief background... (Don't know how to link my last few threads, sorry!)
Me 34, H 37, two daughters 3 y.o. and 15 months.
June 02 H deployed for 120 days, things got bad. He had an EA, although he still doesn't admit that's what it was.
We tried to work things out, guess it didn't work.
On Dec. 2, H dropped the bomb. ILY, but Not In Love With You. No other woman, he denies it, and I believe him since I've found no proof (and of course, I snooped in the beginning).
H claimed he didn't have feelings for me, wanted a D, empty inside, etc. I begged, pleaded, for one more chance. We never really had fights, or anything b/4 this. I had some changing to do. H agreed to give it some time.
I realized my deep insecurities in myself, and baggage that I carried with me, caused a lot of problems. I've been working so hard to change that. And, I guess H noticed.
Said he was back in love with me, very happy, wanted to spend his life with me, etc. This happened at the end of Jan.
Feb. 14, I got a beautiful love letter. He wrote how much he loves me, wants to spend forever with me, etc.
I'm suprised at the way things turned around, but I think he still had feelings for me when he first dropped the bomb, but maybe didn't want to???
Anyway, I'm still working on my insecurities (scared H will leave me, etc.)
H has made some changes too, and I'm so grateful! I'm also grateful for this board!!
I'm trying to let go of doubt, and let go of anger that stems from the hurt that I felt for so long (since June). I realize that our "new R" will not survive if I live in the past.
Hey Teach? <<<THUMBS UP>> to you gal and I admire your PMA!! I can identify a lot with your post. I also post here. My thread is "At arms length". Would love for you to stop by there and say hi.
QUOTE:
"I'm trying to let go of doubt, and let go of anger that stems from the hurt that I felt for so long (since June). I realize that our "new R" will not survive if I live in the past."
You are so right about that and I am in that same "boat" trying to heal and re-prioritize my priorities. All the best to you and God bless! <<<HUGS!>>>
Congratulations Jill!!! I'm happy for you. If you ever find yourself backsliding read DR again, it's great for that. Another really good book is "Traits of a Lasting Marriage" by Jim and Sally Conway. How about another, "Love Busters" by Willard F Harley Jr. And last but not least the bible. I am almost finished it myself and as soon as I am I'm going to read another version of it. Can't wait. I want to be the kind of wife God wants me to be.
Did you find that Michele's general guideline of 1 month for each year of M to work out for you? It sure does seem that the longer people are M the longer it does take to make it better again. The one year anniversary for my H's bomb is this Friday and I plan to enter a new post that day. We are still recovering, but getting closer all the time.
Remember, be his girlfriend! treat him like you are still dating. Let the small stuff go, it just ain't worth it!
Hi. Well, one month for each year would have been 4 months (H dropped the bomb right before our 4th anniversary).
Lets see, Bomb Dec. 2, DBing since then. H declared his love for me about 2 months after bomb, BUT, we had tried to work on some problems right after he got back from his deployment in Sept., so we tried from end of Sept. to Dec. Didn't do too great because I couldn't let go of the past hurts, etc.
I'd say that's about right, one month for each year. I'd say we worked on it for about 4 1/2 months (worked on it the "right" way after I got DR in Dec. after bomb).
I also am happier than I've been in a LONG time. So is H. I still have fears. I fear that he will "lose" the feelings again. But, I can't live like that. That got me in trouble in the first place, being insecure!
Anyway, I have to catch up on your sitch. Hope you are doing well!
Well Jill I too live with insecurities now, because for so long I THOUGHT I was secure only to find out I was kidding myself. I think the two of you are going to be OK! LIsa
Hello everyone! ( I posted this on my old thread on Newcomers also).
H called from "over there" (his trip to other country). He said "I miss you", I said "you do?, well, I miss you too", he said "I miss you very much, I don't like sleeping alone". He told me that he went out yesterday before a meeting just to buy my a suprise
I started crying when he told me that. For some reason, I just couldn't help it, I was So happy! Things have just turned around. He asked why I was crying, I told him I was very happy. I had been worried that he would lose the feelings he's gained for me during this trip, but he has assured me that hasn't happened. I told him "I am very happy and I just have to remember that we have a new, wonderful start, and I appreciate your reasurance". It was so great to hear his voice.
Anyway, things are going well. Bought the kids a wagon (big one) that they can both sit in and I pull them around the neighborhood, and over to my friend's home where they play with her bunnies.
Oh, I bought the book 5 love languages, or 5 languages of love (keep getting it mixed up). I am still trying to figure out H's love language, having a bit of trouble with that. I just about have mine figured out, but still have to read more in the book.
