What can I say? I know that many people would want to be in this position but the uncertainty remains. Patience has to be my mantra right now and as many of you know, I was never good at that but it is essential that I become GREAT at it now.
The glimpses of us together again felt so good. Sleeping with her, staying the night and holding her. Hearing her text go off and not being anxious for some BS.
I know I have to let go of OW and she is cool with it. I told her that I went over to W's the other night when she couldnt sleep and massaged her. She asked if I slept with her and I told her i didnt. She said it was cool either way.
So I believe OW has had enough of the drama as she is soooo not into drama of any kind.
So all eggs in one basket. I will focus on finishing my basement now and helping my W get healthy in any way that I can.
We are planning a trip to Marine Land with the kids. Should be fun and I will do all i can to make it so.
OH WELL, as Tom Petty said, the waiting is the hardest part.
9
PS. can someone help me keep my other thread on this one so I can check it out from time to time , computer skill lacking.
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
I haven't posted to you much, but you have my support FWIW. Keep the faith brother.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Thanks Johnnie, Im not out of the woods yet. I believe the Blair witch Kids were in better shape. But at least there is now hope.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
9...welcome to the Limbo Lounge. Get comfortable, because you'll probably be here awhile. I've been here for 4 months.
Saying you need to become GREAT at being patient is a huge understatement. You need to MASTER the art of patience. Don't be discouraged if at first you don't get it right. I have found that anytime I react negatively to my wife's negativity, we get sucked into an R talk and then she starts thinking about all the "wrongs" I have done in the past, reopening those wounds and causing a backslide. Right now I'm going on 2 months without that having happened.
Yes, there are times when I feel like a doormat, but it seems to be working...slowly but surely. Your W is going to continue her roller coaster ride. The best way to stay off the ride with her is to keep your expectations at bay. R will have to happen on her terms, and at the pace she's comfortable with.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
9 There WILL be relapses it's just the nature of the disease. Heck as of 45 mins ago mine went into relapse, and we were doing so well....
Yet with every low there is a high, the goal is to get her where she stops blaming you for her lows, and shares with you her highs. That being said here is some more tips.
Let her get through her lows by herself. She needs to learn to deal with this on her own, and you getting involved will just make things worse. In fact she may WANT you to get involved since she can then place the blame on you for her misery. Do not let her bait you into a fight when on a low. If the fight is already going act respectfully and give her LOTS of room. The more dignified and gentlemanly you act the higher the chances that she may realize she got carried away by her feelings again. If you fight back and get nasty she will feel justified for her actions no matter how nasty. If you hold the higher ground she may realize her over reaction. The goal is for her to realize what she is doing so in the future she can stop herself before things REALLY boil over again.
That being said adultery and promiscuity are symptoms of being low. Sometimes they do it to punish themselves, sometimes it's to punish those who they blame for their lows.
That being said infidelity is a kind of last resort if together you manage her lows well enough day by day the chances will decrease. If the flare ups are mismanaged and gigantic flare ups happen one after the other, expect her to start wandering again, whether it is to make herself feel better, or to punish you.
Finally flare ups during lows are nearly unavoidable, but I'm sure you know the triggers that will make an episode go from mild to catastrophic. With mine it's issues of self sufficiency and respect. Learn how to calm her down, this may mean leaving her alone.
Just some thoughts. Let me know what applies and what doesn't.
Great posts. Wow Navy. I know exactly how it feels to b considered a doormat. they cheat and we have to b patient?
Green, more amazing insight. I have made some mistakes already. We had a couple of days of boating and it seemed like none of this ever happened. We were on a secluded beach, got drunk, felt lotsa love and asked to make love later. No 2x4 s required i know i effed up. I apologized big time.
She has been hot and cold. Mostly cold lately. Wants to come back but not sure if she can, i decided to put a floor in my basement. working around clock. Shre is very concerned about my wherabouts all the time. I told her im getting tired of being plan B. I think i need to continue with my plan to unwind ths=is smmer. she asked if that involved effing other womn and i said, IDK, u knnow what i want but i dont know if i can just sit around all summer while u make up mind.
She got angry at that. Long story, but honestly, between this drama, parents sick and floor projectm i am wipesd. no sleep either.
i will post more when i get some rest.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
