In order to mentally prepare myself and to get my brain into detach mode:
Thinking long term...
I am making a list of the repairs that need to be done if we have to sell the house. Also, I am making a list of the assets I want for the separation agreement if needed I am going to make an asset and liabilities statement for division of property (stocks pension etc.) Custody will have to be worked out Who gets the dog?
What am I missing here?
Should I include my W in this process or would she see that as pressure?
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
I have been making a similar list - other than division of assets (I'm just not there yet, as well I don't think he would fight me for much of anything. He just doesn't care about 'stuff'). My list is all the house stuff (ie repairs, painting etc) that I want to do. I have started documenting all our finances, so I can plan a realistic budget for when I am truly a single Mom. I've researched child support etc etc.
My suggestion is to think about your custody arrangements. What do you think is fair? what would you be comfortable with? What would be best for the kids? etc etc. Don't discuss with W AT ALL - believe me discussions of custody never go well. Just prepare yourself for IF the time comes. So you can talk about it calmly and logically.
Personally I am at the point where I am preparing for the absolute worst case scenario - which I fully expect to happen right now. But I am not discussing anything with H - I just want to prepare myself both financially and emotionally as best I can. Although, I don't think you can ever fully prepare your heart for any of this. If things work out in the end, then fabulous and no harm done b.c you haven't discussed any of this with your spouse yet.
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best right? A close friend keeps reminding me that nothing is really done until that paper is signed. Wish you well!
Wow, I dont know how to describe ny feelings today. One minute I'm ok, the next terrified, the next sad. What a ride. I think detaching from your spouse is pretty tough to do. I have found it very tough to keep my happy act going around her. My guts are churning, my brain is replaying happy memories, my heart is breaking. I can feel my love for her whithering, because I know, my marriage as I know it is dead. This must be how she has been feeling for a long time, I don't like it. I have released the rope. Maybe the fact that we (W, S, and I) are missing the girls (11 and 6) so much it is adding to my pain. I have tried reading success stories to give me hope, but truthfully, it's too painful. I am very happy for anyone who is able to rekindle their dying marriage... You are so lucky. Why did my marriage have to get to this point for me to realize how much I love my wife. I wish I had, held her more, talked to her more, and listened to her a lot more.
I want to write a letter to my wife telling her how I am feeling and my feelings for her, but I know better than to do that. I am sticking to the plan and doing my best to detach from her, It sux. My W seems to be in a happy mood. I am off work again today, and looking forward to my vist with the psychiatrist tomorrow. I hope he can help me. G.A.L. I suppose it would be a good thing for me to go back to work, as that would keep me busy. I was thinking about my sitch last night and it occurred to me that I have been DBing for longer than I thought. The problem was that every time I "fell off the wagon". It reset the clock. Truthfully, I am scared to admit this, but my W appears to have moved on. That's why she had her A. She has started her new journey, unfortunately, I'm caught in the door dragging beside the car. I know I will get through this, I just have to be strong and soldier forward. God, please give me the strength to seize control of my life again.
j
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
I want to write a letter to my wife telling her how I am feeling and my feelings for her, but I know better than to do that. I am sticking to the plan and doing my best to detach from her, It sux.
Yes, it does, but I'm pleased to see that you're learning, and becoming less reactionary Johnnie. Sending a letter like that would be disaster at this point.
Just got this email from my wife. "Hi Hope your monday goes well at (work) hell ;P So (son) has swimming mon to thursday this week everynight again....then he passes level 4! (pretty sure he will pass) And I have my course from 9-2PM friday and (Sister In Law) is taking (son) for me. I will do some groceries on thursday night, so if you need or want something let me know by then ok! Are you able to get (son) from sister in laws) or do you want me to see if she can drop him off to you when you get home friday night. I am camping for 2 nights and (somethingfest) concert and shopping in the states too. The next weekend you are prob working again and me and (son) are off to get the girls. Also good luck on wednesday with your interview. PS called (daughters) this AM and they are having fun off to the beach and kyacking too. Maybe call them when you get home from work as not to upset them right before bed."
How do I respond to this letter?
I can feel the panic building in my veins.
What if she is going to (somthingfest) with him? it's all I can think about...
How am I supposed to concentrate during my job interview?
I need help please!
Me 45 W 34 W.A.W. 3K. D11 S9 D6 M 12 y T 13 y Bomb drop 02/22/2011 2nd written bomb (Letter bomb) 05/31/2011 Affair (A bomb) revealed 07/03/2011
Answer it like it's from a business associate, trying to work out the logistics of some business meetings with you. You'd be civil (even friendly), helpful, informative, right?
Ignore any of the personal stuff, and just answer the logistics stuff. Be courteous and responsive.
You'd be best to just assume thru all of this, Johnnie, that yeah, she IS spending time with OM. It helps to assume the worst, and then just plan accordingly.
