A blue Sunday. Which was preceded by a blue Saturday. I don't know if listening to Norah Jones while working on "discovery" is a good thing. The thing about this "discovery" is it gives you a chance to go back and get all your income tax returns, fiancial statements, bank statements, phone records assembled and collatted. It also gives you an excellent opportunity to relive your grief. You see happy times and then you see the last year or so. And then you see things like when you were trying to buy her love back(I know. STUPID) You see all the text messages on the cell phone bill including the 168 in a 2day period between W and OM. And OM only lives one street over, so you naturally want to just go over and kick a mudhole in his @ss. But then your hands would be sore, and you would get blood on your clothes, and you would probably spend the night in jail. But gosh it would almost be worth it. Nahhhh! W. Where does W fit in this. I don't know right now. A mixture of hurt, anger, sometimes still denial. Everyonce in a while a glimpse of acceptance. But then I remember that while I did have a part to play in this sorry one act play, I did not CHOOSE to stray outside the marriage. I did not CHOOSE to file for D. And while I am certainly not an innocent in all this, I'm having a real hard time dealing with the fact that she wants everything. Every penney she can squeeze out of investments, IRA's, house, car. And stupidly I continue to pray for her every morning. My prayer is not for the reconciliation and healing of our marriage. My prayer is for both of us to just survive, this CF and come out of it with some kind of settlement that looks kind of equitable and at least a shred of our dignity intact. As for as respect goes, I think it's too late.
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
