Please get your assorted 2x4's ready. All shapes and sizes, Ill take them all and graciously smile as I am getting bludgeoned.
Where to start and be prepared for a long post;
Went boating with new girl yesterday with youngest son. She is amazing in the water and has grown up around boats all her life. We went to some new places and we navigated them like champs. I felt very confident with her in the boat and I have been on the water in my boat for nearly 6 years. My wife was horrible in the boat and made me nervous. Not against my wife, she is just naturally nervous. I dont begrudge my wife for this.
Wife was out of town at a Casino with her Boyfriend. Scumbag we all have come to know. They even won a hundred bucks.
She texts me and tells me she will be picking up youngest at 6:30. We are still in boat so we hustle to get back. Unfortuately, we get back to my house at 6:39 and my wifes van is in the driveway.
So she sees, new girls truck and new girl in the back of my car. New girl gets out, goes by her window to say hello and is absolutely glared at. Daggers.
Wife leaves. New girl and I get some fish from her house, come back to cook it and then the texting begins like no other.
Mind you, I dont respond to any of these texts because they are a little nuts to say the least:
W: I am revisiting the child support issue. I have been thinking about it for awhile and so now Im ready. Also since you are keeping the boat, its set out in the agreement that you sell it and give me half. Therefore you will have to pay me out NOW. Expect to hear from my lawyer on both issues.
BTW, I dont want anything but what I have a right to , your words.
Then two hours later she picks up oldest son. Her vehicle is still there as new girl planned to stay the night. We were both really tired from boating. Nothing sexual.
Text from Wife:
Enjoy your night;}
So she spends the night and then the next morning , i received 34 texts from my wife.
She had invited to her mother's memorial on July 24th which she calls the memorial week end just to be clear.
So the texts are and be patient , there is a lot of them.
W: Whats your plan for the memorial? Will u be gone away? You are not expected to be there. In fact I dont want you anywhere near there. Your invitation has been recinded.
(BTW, get ready for some cursing, these were sent to me at 1:35 a.m to start)
W: You ruined my life you little selfish egotistical fck. The memorial golf tournament is so much more important to you anyway. Dont deny it.( Shes referring to a golf tournament i attend on that weekend dedicated to a very good friend of mine that died 5 years ago on the job). Dont deny it and make sure you take your new hore with you, shes likely more man than you are. Dont you dare bring your new btch to watch my son sail. I dont want to see her face ever again.
Next time you text me, make sure you are texting the right person you effing moron ( she is referring to the time last week i sent a text to her instead of new girl, honest mistake)
W: OOOOOH i swore, forgive me saint 9. The anger I have is coming from deep within me. YOu caused it. You know it as well as I do. I have a right to be angry for many years of the nothingness you showed me. I was nothing to you. Plain and simple your actions over those years proved it over and over again. Throwing your dick into someone doesnt show them you love them and you proved it by not acknowledging the 20 years i spent taking care of the kids , you the house plus working. You ruined me.
W: ARe you laughing now about the sweet deal you bullied me into with your btch? Have I told you lately that i hate you? I hope you put that last text to music.
( She is referring to our wedding song by rod stewart, Have I told you lately that I love you)
W: I hope your new btch takes half your pension. Just proving a point. These texts are for your eyes only you little prick. Dont be telling the world or that btch beside you. I work nights tomorrow but dont worry, I ll find somebody to look after youngest son. I will find somebody reliable to look after him.
Next batch were sent at 5:15 a.m.
W: Rot in hell. U have up on me SIBK. So when are you bringing this cnt to meet your parents. They will be so happy. Oh maybe you did already. Better tell the boys she is more than just a friend soon. They know she slept over. I hate what you did to me. You took those years and sucked as much life out of me as you could. I know I know, its what greek men do and its expected. Dont you EVER pretend to be any different. All you ever cared about was your family and friends down south. WEll here all you cared about was your coaching , teaching and partying to unwind. Are you going to do some more exactly and talk like a freak.
I will send more. It really gets unbelievable , im just late for a couple of things
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
W:Do you blather on and on about stories about your former town for this poor little btch. Yawn! Oh i hear she is hyper. So hopefully not as scatterbrained as you idiot. You will match each other perfectly. Two idiots running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I cant wait to move the hell away from here, from you from everyone. Oldest son wont care and youngest, well he will be fine. He doesnt need me. I need him too much.
And now it gets nuts:
She phones me. And continues the assault/ I stick to my DB guns at the outset. I say . If you are going to continue to assault me, then its best we hang up.
W: NO please, Im sorry. I just feel that you are rubbing my nose in it by seeing another woman so soon and introduing him to youngest son.
M: You are joking right? YOu sleep with OM for a year and a half and then you are seen at theatres with him and youngest son and his oldest son and you have the gaul to say this to me.
We talk back and forth, she is focussed on this young girt Im with for the longest time , says a few more things about how I ignored her all the time.
I do validate for awhile and express again how sorry she felt that way in our relationship. She is crying to the point where I cant understand her half the time. She says something rude again about new girl and I said there is no point of talking further.
I end the call.
She calls back and apolopgizes. WE talk some more and I cant remember half of it. My head is spinning and I just want to get off the phone, I invite her here to talk.
Meanwhile , OW has left long ago and leaves me a note. WE are to play soccer tonight.
My wife comes over and I should never have had her here with my present state. My head is seriously spinning.
I will try to remember but there was so much said in the four hours we had together.
We rehash our marriage again about how she never felt needed or wanted. I told her to listen to the Willie Nelson song, as it sums up my feeling for her through out our marriage.
Get 2x4's ready.
I told her I loved always, would have died for her and would have done almost anything to be the husband she wanted. I just didnt know what she wanted. She is crying, I am crying. She tells me how sorry she is for hurting me so much and that she still loves me and always has. She thinks about me all the time.
I say, except when you are banging OM, then Im sure you think about him. I ask if she loves him and she doesnt answer. Then says she cares for him and doesnt want to keep hurting people.
M: Buts its ok to hurt ME and our family. The people you are supposed to be there for , instead, you are with some bum.
W: I know you think hes a monster , I dont know how i feel about him, I dont know if i can love him or anyone. Im effed up and have always been, Why would you want to be with me. This new girl has it all , why would you sacrifice that.
M: Because I took our marriage vows very seriously. Sickness and in health, better and worse etc. I swore to stand beside you no matter what. I loved you so much
W: Loved? That means you dont anymore right.
M: I dont knonw what I feel. I will always love you in some capacity, you know that. You are in my soul, I cant just separate you.
W: But you dont want to be with me anymore.
M: YOu are with another man, Remember.
W: You went in OUR boat with another woman and our son. how could you do that?
M: You told me to move on with my life. And even if you didnt, what am I supposed to do. Wait for you while you possibley sort out what you are going to do with OM?
W: NO, I want you to be happy. I really do.
M: I wish I could believe that. Your texts this morning state otherwise. You even said you hate me/
W: Im just angry and jealous. Thats normal. I know that you will be happier with her than with me
M: YOu dont know anything. You just assume. I cant keep waiting for you. I have given you every chance to end it with him but you never did and still continue
W: I want to end it sometimes but I dont know how, He has somethin over me.
M: Like what, what does this piece of crap have over you. You are my angel. You are way out of his league.
W: I cant tell you. I just cant
M; Has he threatened you?
W: No,
M: Has he threatened harm to himself.
W: NO, I dont want to get into it.
M: Dont you think you owe it to our marriage to tell me. At least I can understand.
W: I cant get into it OK. Maybe someday I can tell you.
M: By that time it wont matter maybe. I cant wait forever.
W: I dont expect you to.
( She cried and cried uncontrollably, I held her, i kissed her. She kissed me back, first time in about a year she kissed me with passion and actually hugged me)
W: I have an illness that I have been diagnosed with that I havent told anyone.
M: NOt even numbnuts.
W: Nobody, If I tell you promise you wont tell anyone.
M: YOu know I wont ( except this board)
W: I am bipolar
M: DIagnosed.
W: Yes
M: I am sorry but it doesnt excuse you being with an OM for this long. Im sorry , not making light.
W: Im so effed up all the time and I have been for a long time.
( she is crying like crazy)
I am too.
We compose ourselves. We talk again for a long time. We are hugging and then she kisses me. I kiss back.
Then I ask her if we can ML , again. Last time was so bad. She is apprehensive but continues to kiss me. We go into OUR bedroom and we ML. Just like old times when we first got together. She comments on my new body, and this goes on for sometime and then , fireworks. I could not believe that it was actually happening. We lay there , naked, cuddle talk etc...
W: Wow I cant believe that happend
M: Me either, wtf
Honestly folks I cant remember much although we talked for a long time.
We teased each other, we kissed, held hands. It was crazy.
And Im thinking, What the hell is going on.
Sorry, I need to go somewhere and compose myself for the next part of this , because It doesnt get any more sane.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
W:Do you blather on and on about stories about your former town for this poor little btch. Yawn! Oh i hear she is hyper. So hopefully not as scatterbrained as you idiot. You will match each other perfectly. Two idiots running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I cant wait to move the hell away from here, from you from everyone. Oldest son wont care and youngest, well he will be fine. He doesnt need me. I need him too much.
And now it gets nuts:
She phones me. And continues the assault/ I stick to my DB guns at the outset. I say . If you are going to continue to assault me, then its best we hang up.
W: NO please, Im sorry. I just feel that you are rubbing my nose in it by seeing another woman so soon and introduing him to youngest son.
M: You are joking right? YOu sleep with OM for a year and a half and then you are seen at theatres with him and youngest son and his oldest son and you have the gaul to say this to me.
We talk back and forth, she is focussed on this young girt Im with for the longest time , says a few more things about how I ignored her all the time.
I do validate for awhile and express again how sorry she felt that way in our relationship. She is crying to the point where I cant understand her half the time. She says something rude again about new girl and I said there is no point of talking further.
I end the call.
She calls back and apolopgizes. WE talk some more and I cant remember half of it. My head is spinning and I just want to get off the phone, I invite her here to talk.
Meanwhile , OW has left long ago and leaves me a note. WE are to play soccer tonight.
My wife comes over and I should never have had her here with my present state. My head is seriously spinning.
I will try to remember but there was so much said in the four hours we had together.
We rehash our marriage again about how she never felt needed or wanted. I told her to listen to the Willie Nelson song, as it sums up my feeling for her through out our marriage.
Get 2x4's ready.
I told her I loved always, would have died for her and would have done almost anything to be the husband she wanted. I just didnt know what she wanted. She is crying, I am crying. She tells me how sorry she is for hurting me so much and that she still loves me and always has. She thinks about me all the time.
I say, except when you are banging OM, then Im sure you think about him. I ask if she loves him and she doesnt answer. Then says she cares for him and doesnt want to keep hurting people.
M: Buts its ok to hurt ME and our family. The people you are supposed to be there for , instead, you are with some bum.
W: I know you think hes a monster , I dont know how i feel about him, I dont know if i can love him or anyone. Im effed up and have always been, Why would you want to be with me. This new girl has it all , why would you sacrifice that.
M: Because I took our marriage vows very seriously. Sickness and in health, better and worse etc. I swore to stand beside you no matter what. I loved you so much
W: Loved? That means you dont anymore right.
M: I dont knonw what I feel. I will always love you in some capacity, you know that. You are in my soul, I cant just separate you.
W: But you dont want to be with me anymore.
M: YOu are with another man, Remember.
W: You went in OUR boat with another woman and our son. how could you do that?
M: You told me to move on with my life. And even if you didnt, what am I supposed to do. Wait for you while you possibley sort out what you are going to do with OM?
W: NO, I want you to be happy. I really do.
M: I wish I could believe that. Your texts this morning state otherwise. You even said you hate me/
W: Im just angry and jealous. Thats normal. I know that you will be happier with her than with me
M: YOu dont know anything. You just assume. I cant keep waiting for you. I have given you every chance to end it with him but you never did and still continue
W: I want to end it sometimes but I dont know how, He has somethin over me.
M: Like what, what does this piece of crap have over you. You are my angel. You are way out of his league.
W: I cant tell you. I just cant
M; Has he threatened you?
W: No,
M: Has he threatened harm to himself.
W: NO, I dont want to get into it.
M: Dont you think you owe it to our marriage to tell me. At least I can understand.
W: I cant get into it OK. Maybe someday I can tell you.
M: By that time it wont matter maybe. I cant wait forever.
W: I dont expect you to.
( She cried and cried uncontrollably, I held her, i kissed her. She kissed me back, first time in about a year she kissed me with passion and actually hugged me)
W: I have an illness that I have been diagnosed with that I havent told anyone.
M: NOt even numbnuts.
W: Nobody, If I tell you promise you wont tell anyone.
M: YOu know I wont ( except this board)
W: I am bipolar
M: DIagnosed.
W: Yes
M: I am sorry but it doesnt excuse you being with an OM for this long. Im sorry , not making light.
W: Im so effed up all the time and I have been for a long time.
( she is crying like crazy)
I am too.
We compose ourselves. We talk again for a long time. We are hugging and then she kisses me. I kiss back.
Then I ask her if we can ML , again. Last time was so bad. She is apprehensive but continues to kiss me. We go into OUR bedroom and we ML. Just like old times when we first got together. She comments on my new body, and this goes on for sometime and then , fireworks. I could not believe that it was actually happening. We lay there , naked, cuddle talk etc...
W: Wow I cant believe that happend
M: Me either, wtf
Honestly folks I cant remember much although we talked for a long time.
We teased each other, we kissed, held hands. It was crazy.
And Im thinking, What the hell is going on.
Sorry, I need to go somewhere and compose myself for the next part of this , because It doesnt get any more sane.
9
WOW!
So now she's cheating twice?
Bi-Polar?
Geez 9! What a can a crap that just opened up on you. Just when you think it couldn't get any worse.
No wonder your head is spinning 9. Hell, my head is spinning.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
It is amazing to say the least how moving on and dating people(WITHOUT sexual intent) is a sure fire way to hit the WAS with a 2x4. Not always the correct way to handle it and isn't a guarantee to work, but in this case it sure sparked an impressive albeit scary reaction.
Well - did you feel like there was more honesty in the communication?
Those texts are amazing - there are some who would say 'don't tolerate it' or whatever. I get that - set boundaries about respect - but, if you can confront it without taking any of it personally, then you can get an interesting view into what the other person is dealing with in themselves. Might offer some new information for you.
I don't know - I don't think you should really go hard on yourself about any of it. You're human, you do your best..
I'm sure you will reflect and work out the things you would have preferred to do differently for your circumstances.
If your W is seriously bi-polar, its good that you know.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
Just when I thought I had it all sussed and was moving on, then this!!! What next for me I wonder, surely not.... nah.
Can't wait for the next installment, how good does this get?
FF999
Me 48 W 49 D19, S17, D14 Together 25yr, Married 22yr Me checked-out July 10, back Sept 10 W checked out Nov 10 Separated Dec 10 ILYBNILWY 2nd Apr 11 We're finished + D bomb 17th Apr 11
