DR Step 2: KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

[sgctxok]

It's very hard to achieve what you want if you don't know what it is. It's very hard to measure progess if you don't know what you're measuring against.

It's easy to say you want to get back together--you want out of this pain, you want to go back...SORT OF.

What you probably REALLY want is the good aspects of your relationships, more of the love, and less of this...crap you're going through.

And if you're on the edge, wanting to walk out, you wish your spouse would GET IT and turn it around because it's nearly too late for you...what is it SPECIFICALLY that is good.

Michele says research shows beyond a shadow of a doubt, that focusing on the positives...working on those things...saves more marriages than the endless therapy talking about the negatives.


But what IS IT specifically?

What do YOU want MORE OF in your relationship...?

The clues are in what was good when things were good? What is still good?

[sgctxok]

So when you know what you want....SET YOUR RELATIONSHIP GOALS:


1) POSITIVELY STATED
2) ACTION ORIENTED
3) BROKEN DOWN into doable results within the next two weeks.



I'm in a good place right now. So my personal relationship goals look like:

1) Spend more time together, focusing on our positives.

Michele would probably say....sg, you know better than this...give me something concrete, what would you be DOING if you were spending more time together, focusing on what you think is a positive.


Well, my honey and I had a fantastic vacation together. We spent pretty much 11 days straight together with minimal interaction and other people. We saw a movie, sat by a hotel pool, read side by side, yadayada.

Soon after, we recreated it similarly in our own space.

And now...our kids and friends have interrupted our alone time.

Michele would probably say....set a specific goal that you can measure against.


I want to see my honey ALONE at LEAST 1x/week with some time watching a movie (and football, basketball -- and SOMETIMES WHITESOX OR REDS BASEBALL is ok, because it SERIOUSLY depends on the season for THE COACH (not to be confused with COACH on this site)).

So that's one goal, and if your relationship is on the brink, you probably want 3 really simple goals.



Contrary to lofty goals, how do you know when you reach them, and there are just as many folks to tell you that you didn't when you think you might have....A simple, concrete goal is measurable with OBJECTIVE EVIDENCE (my own personal real word deals with objective evidence and that has attracted me to Michele and her work, because -- mercy -- she's is as close to a physical scientist as she is a social scientist--you probably shouldn't tell her I said that.)

We will help you, even if I'm slow, because I will ask others to help with this.