I would encourage you to do what is right *for your kids*. For me, framing everything as 'Is this the right choice for S7?' has been very helpful.
In my case, keeping the house instead of letting H have it (even though he wanted it) was right for S7. Ensuring that I am financially settled and our agreement provides for support of S7, regardless of how H feels about that, is what's right for S7. Developing a parenting plan that takes into account what's best for your children (when can they be introduced to her/your new relationship, etc) is another thing to think about - all of these are safeguards that she may see as "punishing" her, but are really there to protect your kids.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
You are in my thoughts and prayers today my friend. I, like you have gone through the feelings of " I don't care about the financials". It's part of the stage of denial. You need to push through that and make sure that you get the absolutely best deal that you can get for you and your children. Use your lawyer. Take his advice. Remember this is not his first rodeo. My STBXW is also trying to get me to give away the store. She holds "taking it to the judge" over my head just like your W does. Believe me, you are a long way from the courtroom. There is still plenty of time and plenty of room for negoitiation. Where I live, most final agreements are reached in the anteroom of the courtroom, a half hour before scheduled divorce trial. Hang in there my friend and let us know how this day went for you.
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
KD, You will feel 100% better after you come up with a plan with your attorney's assistance. That is what you pay them for! Of course, it helps for you to have in mind what you would like and think is fair, but don't lose sleep over crunching numbers. I think it is certainly a good idea to have money saved for the kids' college funds as opposed to expecting them to pay for it out of their pockets (which means they will have to get school loans and then will start out with a mountain of debt once they graduate).
I haven't posted to you before but I've been reading your posts to other and admire the thought and wisdom you put into them.
I agree that you will feel so much better after visiting your L today. Knowing what your share is gives you a good base to figure this out from. Not to mention having someone that is looking out for your best interests in this.
I went in to my L's office apprehensive and came out feeling a whole lot better about a situation I never thought I'd find myself in.
I will be running with a blank sig for the time being.
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I will post later tonight or tomorrow with more information.
I say with complete sincerity that today was a good day. All I can say at this point in time is the lessons I've learned today on responsibility and surrender will be with me for the rest of my life.
I wish everyone the best in their journeys.
I am not gone... I will be around and watching... I have a lot of thinking to do, for now.
I look forward to your epiphany. I'm glad thinks went well for you and I hope your are in a better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually my friend.
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
Well, I would say that the statement "things went well for me" is really a matter of perspective.
I will not defend my lawyer, but she IS one of the best in Family Law in this jurisdiction.
For all intents and purposes, I do not have a leg to stand on, in regards to financial and custody.
So...
I will take the money offer from my W (which my L suggested is and insulting offer), wash my hands of my W, and figure out how I can be the best dad possible, under the circumstances.
I understand the "surrender" of which you spoke in your earlier post. Sometimes you just have to know when it's time. I'm almost there myself. Not much anyone can say right now.
Me:61 W:60 M: 26 No kids ILYBININLWY AUG 10 S: 5/20/11 D filed 6/23/2011
