Hi all, I've been reading here for some time and finally decided to introduce myself a bit. I've found myself reading threads and nodding along. I can see parts of my situation in a few of the posters.
I've been M 18 yrs and T 20 with 2 children. A few years into my marriage my H had an EA turned PA. We separated for close to a year, I filed for divorce and through the help of some church counselors we reconciled.
Lately some things have been happening that have been making me uncomfortable. For the past few years H has put me in some situations that I do not approve of, that make me feel unsafe. I finally put my foot down this past February and he agreed that I would never be put in that position again. I still had some unsettled feelings from that but we could not discuss it, he felt I should be "over it" by now.
To further elaborate there is some alcohol and substance issues on H's end. I have been clear with my concern but have very recently stopped discussing it with him. He feels that he is 'normal' and I am overreacting.
The past few months we have had some heated arguments. Kids are sick of it and just ignore us. I finally said that we cannot argue in front of them and he agreed. I asked for counseling and he refuses. He said he does not believe in them. He will go if I force the issue but won't get anything out of it, because he doesn't believe.
Recently it feels like we are just going through the motions to get through the day. Since I’ve been reading here, I have not been discussing the R with him at all. I am also GAL, however he gets upset at that as well. He yelled at me the other night and said “for each time you go out, I will also to make this even” I still can’t wrap my head around how irrational and childlike that sounded. He was drinking at the time but still hasn’t discussed it sober.
There is so much more but it change daily, as you all know. I am having some anxiety and nervous at what the future holds but not going to dwell or borrow trouble. Just taking it day by day, and trying to better me. Hopefully I will be able to turn this around and stay married. I really do love my husband just not the behavior …mine and his. I do own my issues and I’m really taking a hard look at where I have gone wrong, what I can change. It will only better me and the kids in the long run.
Nice to meet you all!! Looking forward to getting to know everyone. -Chances
I will adjust and be patient for moderation