Just an update on my situation and little journaling. Could use some encourgement. I am feeling really down even thought things are going ok.
To answer some past questions, H's trying to work on us is cutting all contact with OW. He admitts he still has feeling for her and the "spark" with us is gone. He said he loves me and has never said "i love you but I'm not in love with you". In couseling he stated several times he wanted to try to get those feeling back and knows it will take time. It killed me to hear this. He has been planning family time and has made plans for labor day weekend and a family vacation in October. When he leaves in the moring he kisses my forehead and kisses me goodnight but that is it.
I am a mess these day's despite the improvement from several months ago. I guess I was in fight mode back then trying to save my marriage and now I feel so overwhelmed with emotions. I obsess about the OW and constantly wonder if he is contacting her.
I guess I just want things to improve at a faster pace and need to give it time. I have been dealing with this since last November and I am spent physically and emotionaly. I try to focus on the positives and the improvements but I have a hard time believing it won't all come crashing down again.
Hey bug... having highs and lows is normal... you'll be ok...
I've learned that, when things are going great, that's the time to push hard and when things are not going real well, that's the time to take a vacation.
My W told me once, early in the sitch, I think after I moved out but before counseling... doesn't matter... anyhow, she said she'd "lost that loving feeling" and didn't know how to get it back...
All I know is... the fact that your H has indicated that he's dropped the OW, that he wants to work on the R, and that he wants to try to get "those feelings" back... wow...
long hard road maybe... but that's fantastic... stay focused on his positive intention and actions...
It would be helpful for us in able to help you, if you could go back and answer the questions that I asked you in my last post to you. I'm trying to better understand, particularly since you've had a history in the past with your husband of fuzzy boundaries, communication and expecations.
Sorry I thought I did answer your questions. I guess my fuzzy communication is not only verbal in nature lol.
I told him any contact with ow was a deal breaker for me. We also covered this boundry in MC. In our last session our love languages was brought up and I stated how it was very hard for me not to have physical touch and affirmaiton from him. I told him I understood that he could not give me the affirmation I needed at this point but I felt as if he was punishing me by withholding physical touch (nonsexual). We used to be very affectionate. He agreed to try to give me at least 3 forms of physical touch a day as homework from our MC. He also said during our session he realized that his feeling/our spark would not just return that is why he is giving it time. He has cut back on drinking quite a bit and is helping more around the house.
He no longer talks about seperating or divorce. He has initiated several convos about our future without me probing. I just find it hard to believe because while he is talking the talk he is still distant and angry at times. He has lied so much in the last several months it's hard to know what to believe at this point.
I am so torn because I want to believe he is in this but if I do I am opening myself up to be let down yet again by him.
He agreed to no contact of any kind. It was also agreed upon if her "friends" contacted us anymore we would delete and not engage in conversation with them. He blocked her number from his phone, blocked her on facebook, and deleted his gmail account he used to email her. He unlocked his iPhone so I could look at it whenever I wanted. His work cell phone is forwarded to his iPhone so I know they can't communicate on that line.
