Took my wedding band off last night. Wasn't sure how I would feel about that. Hurt at first, but then it actually felt pretty good, weird. Thought I'd wein off of the ring but now, I don't want to put it back on! WOW either gets all or none of me, liberating.
Had good time at relative's wedding last night, GAL. Today, picking up the 4 kids for the day taking them to a kids festival and doing whatever they want, fun! I guess the wedding band inadvertantly serves as a 180, huh?
It's mixed. I had mine off for years while things were good because I had to take it off every day for work (safety). Started wearing it when things were rough and was awfully proud of it. Took it off again recently and from the looks of things that's where it's staying. Makes me very sad.
I hear ya, OS. I'm at the going dark/dim stage and it was a big step with the band. Then, about an hour ago, I had a real hard cry for the first time in awhile thinking of w. This is such a test to find out who we all real are and want to be. Keep your chin up..
I took my wedding band off as this wk. My c asked me why I wore it. I said I made a commitment to w. However my w didn't help when I was in my car accident last wk and left me a cold message on my phone.. I thought.. I need to make a commitment to myself now. I need to stop wanting to be with a woman who does not care about me.
Completely understand the sad part. And I don't look forward to the crying part either.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
My wife told me she doesn't love me any more 18 days ago, we're separated and don't see each other for the same 18 days, and I'm still using my ring. I feel it's my obligation while I'm trying to restore my wife's love for me and save our marriage.
A common friend also mentioned to me that my wife is still using her ring too. Don't know what that means, don't want to think about it, I can't handle false hopes.
OH my!! So a good friend of mine who knows of the marital situation and who lives over 1 hour away, ran into my MIL in a pharmacy! What are the odds? MIL was just passing through that town before coming back to continue enabling my WAW ion the house that they just bought her. Conversation:
Friend: "Hi, (MIL), how are you? It's too bad what is happening between WAW and Direction1."
MIL: Yeah, we are trying to be as supportive as we can for the kids. Direction wants WAW back but she wants nothing to do with it."
Friend: "That's too bad because Direction is someone who I actually come to for my own marital struggles. He's an exceptional individual."
MIL: silence
They say goodbye. Talk about syncronicity..only confirms that I must continue to be dark, right??
I'm wondering if you've come to a solid conclusion as to why you took off the ring?
My ring has been off three times.
My W took hers off first.
Initially, that was MY reason. I kept my ring on to prove that I was committed to my M. But I admit that it was also to prove to her that I could stay M longer than her. As though somehow that made me better.
Hers remained off.
I then told her I was done and had taken my ring off. Truth is, I wasn't "done". I admit that I was also trying to manipulate her by taking the ring off, as though she might get scared to know that I was no longer committed to the M.
Hers remained off.
I put mine back on. Did not tell her I had done so, but I kept it on in her presence and know she did notice it, even though she said nothing of it.
Hers remained off... (see the pattern?)
I then got upset at another revelation that her EA (or PA) was still going on and took the ring off for about a week. I then put it back on to remind myself that, until we are D, I was still M. It was also safety for me while out in public to prevent becoming involved with anyone. (Like I'm being bombarded by R requests, left, right and centre... )
Hers remained off...
Anyhow, the point is, I have finally taken my ring off. Not because I'm done with the M. Not because I'm trying to prove some point to anyone. I have done so because, I felt I needed to "act as if..."
For no one else, but me.
If my M is over. If my W is truly done. If mediation is completed and D is filed and finalized... I will need to be single. So, I am practicing.
It hurt the first couple times. This last time? It didn't hurt at all. I have accepted it. I have surrendered. And it will go back on if the time comes.
What is your true reason for removing your ring?
And also, D1... How is the revelation from your friend's convo with your MIL worked for you?
Seems to me that you might have a bit of resentment going on...
KD, I think you echoed my sentiments *exactly* on how and when I took my own ring off (other than your third time putting in on). It's pretty common I would assume. At some point, maybe I'll put mine back on, but not until I know both W and I are working on R.
Besides, I've kinda liked the attention from the single ladies
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Hey Guys, thanks for chiming in. Well, first took off her engagement ring after filing (4/1/11), and left her wedding band and 10 yr. anniverary band on for awhile. I noticed a couple times they were off right before she moved into her new house and once on the other hand. Once she moved they have remained off. Almost like it was calculated.
KD, I too, wanted to continue to wear mine until the "gavel drops" and didn't want it to be a reaction to her. I wanted to prove I am committed 'til the end, ya know? Then, it really just "happened" Saturday I was looking at it and I thought this is suppose to remind me of her commitment to [me] and I'm not getting any of that, so off it went....for me! I think that's the big shift. Sure, secondarily, I probably would get a rise out of knowing that it bothered her, but really, it's about my path and my wanting respect for self.
The resentment still lingers as most people can relate. I thought I detached many, many times before. I'm there now, it's sad for the relationship and I do love WAW and four kids with every fiber of my being, but, I must respect myself and and part of that to my surprise was removing the ring.
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