Am I failing?

[Forrest Gump]

"Vague is your post."

If into the security recordings you go.. only pain will you find.

I intended it that way Jack simply because I don't want to start the thread wandering into "gossip land".

The key to what has happened is that for a long time now I have always had that feeling that I was missing part of the story. It has been discussed with my wife. I was assured that it was just my imagination. Everything I have ever done that was "wrong" has been hashed over a lot. But when it came to discussing her side of things they were brushed over and dismissed. Even in the C sessions. The C even questioned a lot of the statements made by her and once again it was brushed over and dismissed.

Well I got to hear the whole story finally. Not from her.. but from her counterpart. I knew the bulk of the story but there were parts that never seemed "complete". I don't have to worry about that now. Her "friend" happened to move into the same apartment I just moved into. We happened to run into each other and had a little "sit down".

I have long said that the affair was not a deal breaker. And it isn't. The deal breaker for me was that she chose to hold me accountable and hide all her secrets. This is what has set things in motion.

This to me is why C never went anywhere. I mean how can you be dishonest and expect things to change? Once the C seemed to falter or become non-productive it was obvious to me that something more drastic had to happen. Now 3 weeks later I have confirmation that I was not asking for anything unreasonable or placing undue accusations upon her.

But.. Jack..

Some good news is that I got a call yesterday and both kids wanted to come and spend the night. I was a bit taken aback by it. I said sure. So my D and my S spent the evening with me last night and are hanging out by the pool today. We had dinner with my Mom and Dad and then went back to my place. I just got back from going home for lunch and they both seemed to be having a good time. Now all this could have been because my wife had a date last night.. but I am hoping it was just them wanting to come over. D was pleasant and I even saw her smile and laugh a few times.

Time will tell.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Time will tell.

and effort on your part.

I am glad you had a good time with your kids.

I am saddend by your wife's duplicity...however...I am not glad...The idea that this...limbo you were in was of her making and failure to commit to the marriage, I am glad that won't be causing you guilt.

[awest1217]

It all comes out in the end, and usually where and when you least expect it.

I am glad both of your kids were there with you. With your D, just keep being there for her. Keep asking and keep trying. Little things like hanging out by the pool will always help. Kids say they don't like their parents bothering them, but they know it is because you care and that is all that matters.

[Forrest Gump]

"I always felt you and Jenny were meant to be together. From what you've told me, I thought you couldnt divorce, not that you didnt want to, you couldnt, you know?"

Yea I get it. I never imagined myself "here". I expected more. It was hard to WA I can't deny that. But I am not who I was 4 years ago. She said alot in C that she expected "more" but there was never a clear idea of what "more" was. I am a simple guy. I have been clear with what I need and want. I used simple words. When she looked at me and said "I don't think you can be what I need." It was time to go.

Trust me.. a year from now ish.. it is gonna be hard to "stand on the porch" and hand over the papers. But I will do it with a smile. And I still wish her the best.

"I knew he would give up eventually, he really didnt love me that much".

I am not giving up. I am still posting. I still need help.

The help that I have gotten from all the posters here is exactly what I need. Even if it is just the confirmation of what I already had in mind.

My boss is coming to Greece soon.

Can he still find you?

[Forrest Gump]

"The cats in the cradle...........llalalla"

No it goes..

and the silver spoon.

Little boy blue and the man in the moon.

When you coming home dad.

My question is why did Dad/Son mention the silver spoon? Or Little boy Blue.. or the man in the Moon?

From one perspective "Dad" was always home.

From the other he was never home.

The "Silver Spoon" indicates to me that dad was working to make his family complete. He assured that they had all they needed.

Where dad was found lacking was in the time he spent with the "family". He was lacking cause he was always working.

This goes back to my thought that the things we look for in life.. are not always what we need.

What we find attractive in people at the begining.. really becomes an annoyance later in life.

Or to be more clear.. "We" don't grow together.

"I'm sorry your in the situation U are. Im a long time lurker on this site..and I have read every post of yours from the beginning."

Don't be sorry for me. Or the stitch I find myself in. I made the choice to be "here". I am happy that I walked this walk.

I am so excited that you were a long time lurker and you decided to post!

And I am really impressed that you read all my posts. That was a task.

Sunny..

Thanks.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Forest I am so sorry that your wife was less than honest. No wonder you couldn't make any headway with her. She wasn't all in.
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways...this describes your wife.
I am glad I met you on here. I wish you much happiness now the air is clear.

[Kalni]

The situation you were in, is simalr to what I was in for as long as H wasnt honest AND at the same time tried to "work on us", to reconcile. There was something missing, remember all my agonizing posts about something feeling off? He did the same thing, he denied tyhe truth in C, those sessions didnt go anywhere just because we werent both on the same level.

SO I can understand the relief of finally KNOWING that you werent kookoo, that your senses and ability to read her wasnt off, that you were "right" all along. LIttle consolation that is, I know, but the truth is always liberating...

It doenst really matter why your D came to visit. It matters that you had a good time, I think.

I am here, but why would he want to find me?
Take care my friend
K

[fb2]

So she cheated on you, for the 2nd time? I remember you posting she'd cheated or at least you believed she had the first time.

If you focus on the kids 100% and set the best example it would probably take 2-4 years to turn their ship around in your direction.

And yes D's need steady fathers or they invariably grow up messed up in the head. Don't worry too much about the anger and being buddies with mom, stay cool and consistent, it'll only last so long. Can you help with her H/W and college apps?

[fb2]

So, any success yet?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Hey Forest, are you around?