Thanks LP, I'm really excited about the goals. Two of them don't involve anyone but me and Hawaii will just be plain fun with the boys!
My 43 year old brother inspired me to do the marathon, he just ran a 50k trail race. When he started training he couldn't go 30 minutes without stopping 4 months later and 30 lbs lighter he ran 31 miles in 7 hours. If he can do that I can get off my behind and start checking some things off my list!
At the end of the day trying to control everything is just plain exhausting!
M 38 W 32 T 11 M 2 SS 14 S 9 ILYBNILWY March/2010 EA found out Oct 2010 PA found out Jan 2011 living together alone
I was up at 4 and out running by 4:15; this marathon training is going to be tough! I made sure to tell my S’s about it. I know if I need a little support during this training they’ll give me a swift kick in the rear!
I always tell them that anything worth doing is worth giving 100%. It has been a constant since they began their involvement in sports and has been carried over onto their school work as well.
I think the most difficult thing about running is finding what to do with my mind!
I find my thoughts drifting into the current situation and today I let it get the best of me and I’m feeling down. I had my iPhone on shuffle and it happened to play the song “I Want to Get Lost” by Sanctus Real. Boy, do the lyrics hit home right now. If you’ve never heard the song here are the first few verses:
Well nobody wants to get lost in the crowd Buried beneath the ambient sounds Under the beat of a million hearts Finding you can be the hardest part
Well I found my way to trouble And I found my way to pain Well but I’m so tired of trying To find my own way
So I wanna get lost I wanna get lost in your arm I wanna get lost And lose my way into your heart ‘cause there’s so many voices Telling me how to get lost in this life So right now I wanna get lost in you Before I lose myself
I never imagined at the start The thousand ways I could find my heart Caught in a web of compromise Stuck in a prison of my own lies
It was easy to find my way, Not so easy to get out Oh the roads to my own ruins, Are so easily found….
It reminds me to look to God, and it reminds me that I have done many things to get to where I am today, both good and bad. The only acceptance I need is from God, and that was giving to me the day I was born.
On Monday I spoke to my W, I told her that I would like to be friends with her. Her immediate response was I already have enough friends. I was floored. Being the smarts a$$ I can be I responded with, Wow, I’ve never known anyone who has met their quota of friends! Nevertheless, we have 2 kids together and raising them will be easier if we are friendly to each other. I am offering you my friendship whether you chose to accept it or not is entirely up to you. I left it at that and walked away.
I find it quite sad that this person I have loved for so long in not even interested in my friendship. Oh well. She tried to back pedal a bit latter through text saying that what she meant was that she doesn’t know how to be my friend. The things that I have done and said are things that none of her friends have ever done to her.
I was thinking, yea, how many of your friends have had to deal with you having a PA? How many vows have you broken with your friends?
I didn’t say any bit of that. I just reiterated my original message by saying,” I understand, I’m not asking for miracles. I merely offered my friendship. Whether you chose to accept it or not is up to you.”
Text ended there.
On a different note, there have been a lot of comments about the change people see in me at work; not only in my physical appearance but in the way I am interacting with others. I have consciously made an effort to change the things that motivate me.
I have gone from being motivated by fear and the looking for acceptance to be motivated by the great feeling of fulfillment.
Both my S’s have their first football games coming up this weekend. I’m really looking forward to them. I need to refocus!
M 38 W 32 T 11 M 2 SS 14 S 9 ILYBNILWY March/2010 EA found out Oct 2010 PA found out Jan 2011 living together alone
