I had a ONS with a man over a year ago. First time I cheated , not that that makes it any better. I have not seen or talked to other person since discovery. I did not make excuses for what happened and took 100% responsibility for the ONS. Husband has emotionally stepped away for most of the year and has been seeking divorce. Will DB work in this case? Seems like most threads are about getting the wayward back.
Married but with no children. I tried pursuing him for a year but it is not working.
I am new here, too. They tell me to read the books. It sounds like you need to stay the course. He must be hurt. But if he sees youy working for the mariage, changing the way you did the marriage, maybe he'll come around. A year is a long time to "seek divorce." Are you all in counseling? With a pro-marriage counselor? That's important.
M 20 years 2 teenage kids ILYBINILWY 12/2010 MC til 5/2011 IC for him 5/2011 Still living together
Pink - my W had a 6 month affair over a year go... i still have a hard time every day with it. The one thing i would suggest is you be 100% open and honest with him, my W has not to this day answered any of my questions about the actual A and i can only say it is a HUGE road block in our current situation.
we have kids, but if we did not, i hate to say i would also have seeked divorce. he probably loves you but can't deal with what you did to him and is most likely why he has not pulled the trigger on the D.
think the book i wanted my W to read was "not just friends" might help you in your situation.
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I had a ONS with a man over a year ago. First time I cheated , not that that makes it any better. I have not seen or talked to other person since discovery. What does that ^^^ mean? Your h "discovered" the affair or you told him or what? Were in contact with OM before then? Have you read the books? They help a whole lot and that includes the spouse who cheated. And don't fear being judged here.
You may hear things you don't want to here about your marriage, but this IS a good place to come. Plus there will be some who are curious about your view b/c they have been hurt by the cheating of their spouses and so, both "Sides" would benefit.
I did not make excuses for what happened and took 100% responsibility for the ONS. Husband has emotionally stepped away for most of the year and has been seeking divorce. Based solely on the ONS? What does he SAY are the reasons for wanting a divorce?
Will DB work in this case? Seems like most threads are about getting the wayward back. Meaning, what? Most WASs don't come here b/c they want out, or think they do. So naturally there are more spouses who've been left, who are referred to as Left Behind Spouses....or "LBSers"
Married but with no children. I tried pursuing him for a year but it is not working.
How long was the marriage? Have you read the divorce Remedy book or the divorce Busting book? They Help a lot. They form the basis of this site's approach
so in order to fully benefit from the solution based approach, and this site, you really need to read the books.
Yes I think most marriages can be saved. Don't know how far along you two are or what the marriage was like before.
Do you know why you had a ONS? It may relate to the condition of the marriage and it may not.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am new here, too. They tell me to read the books. It sounds like you need to stay the course. He must be hurt. But if he sees youy working for the mariage, changing the way you did the marriage, maybe he'll come around. A year is a long time to "seek divorce." Are you all in counseling? With a pro-marriage counselor? That's important.
Kelly, read the books. What have you got to lose? Read the divorce Remedy book if you already know you don't want a divorce. Div Busting talks a lot about why divorce is bad whereas Div Remedy has more ways to fix things. Depends where you are in this.
I don't really get why some people resist reading a book.
DBing is a novel but simple and radical approach based on finding solutions, not a rehashing of history or understanding what happened long ago or why...those things have their place, but it's not here.
DBing is about doing more of what works and less of what doesn't.
Simple but very different than most therapists.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
another book a lot of people find helpful is "After the Affair"...
IF your h asks for details, provide them as needed.
BUT if he does not ask leave it alone.
Sounds obvious, but there are some who want to relieve themselves of guilt
and dump way too much info on their spouses....
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I know why I had the affair and have since eliminated all conditions that allowed for it to take place.
I told him whatever details he had asked for.
I have been open and honest about my life since it happened.
He says he just doesn't care anymore to make things work. But I did cheat, so I have him his get out of marriage card. He does have a good reason to leave.
I have been changing my approach. Whatever makes his pull away I have stopped doing it. If he responds positively, I continue.
I can do you one better. I was here two years ago, my W had an affair. I DB'd and we got back together. So what did I do? I managed to have an affair recently and put myself right back here again... So I'm trying to DB again, from the other side of the coin.
