Hey, all I dont know where my other thread went so im starting a new one.
She has called oldest son three times, possibly 4. For small talk. He is getting annoyed. I simply dont answer the phone anymore and will get call display put back on my plan.
I havent responded to anything she has done, dont want to get sucked back into any R talk if that is her goal. My IC once told me that when I ignore her, her well runs dry and she needs a fix to fill her well up again, then she pulls away once she knows she still has me. Not going there. Still feeling good.
My buddy told me today that his W, ( who is very good friends with my ex) , is pulling back from their friendship. She just cant stand what my W has done to our family and thinks very highly of me. She was walking the other day with one of her friends when my W pulled up beside her and asked if she would call her next week because she was off work and would like to walk with them. Buddy's wife didnt call her and now my W is put off with her. Apparently she was driving , saw my buddy's wife walking with friend and my W, did a u turn pretty well to avoid her and looked away when buddy's wife waved at her.
Maybe this is also weighing on w's mind that even her friend's dont respect her or her decision.
Another collegue of mine said she say her and OM at Canadian Tire ( like Walmart) and W didnt say hi. Also collegue told me OM was hideous looking.
So I wonder why she is calling the house so much? Is there trouble in paradise? Her problem.
Had another good day.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
My buddy told me today that his W, ( who is very good friends with my ex) , is pulling back from their friendship. She just cant stand what my W has done to our family and thinks very highly of me. She was walking the other day with one of her friends when my W pulled up beside her and asked if she would call her next week because she was off work and would like to walk with them. Buddy's wife didnt call her and now my W is put off with her. Apparently she was driving , saw my buddy's wife walking with friend and my W, did a u turn pretty well to avoid her and looked away when buddy's wife waved at her.
This "buddy" crap pisses me off. Just to let you know, when your Wife sees this, it's not always a good thing.
You accomplish nothing accept "pride" from hearing this. You justify YOU, but you don't get the fact that she still feels what she feels. Her? Being wrong or right in her thinking doesn't ever mean you turn the world against HER, YOU can look at her with remorse and I'm "sorry" you feel that way, but you need to understand she's running for a reason, even if you don't know why.
Does it mean you accept her bad behavior? Nope. Do you accept the fact she is with someone else? Nope. BUT you don't "root" for her to fail, just understand what you did and except her choice. You don't have to like it OR put up with it, but don't make it a "Look at it thread". My opinion...feel sorry for her; you can't do this til YOU know that you are better than this. Hope it makes sense.
Thanks DG, its getting easier at times but still is a challenge
Faith, I think I know what you mean. I think its natural that I dont want her to be real happy with her choice right now and that this relationship with OM fails. But I am striving to wish her happiness down the road. Its just the level of deceit and lies she had with OM that seems so NASTY and for lack of a better term, "icky". So yes , I am rooting for this relationship to fail.
And since I know of this guy, I just dont want to see her with him. He is such scum. I think similar to Denver's sitch, she feels superior to him and didnt feel that way about me.
I have owned my part in all this and I KNOW what I did to drive her away. Trust me, it did not warrent an affair with a married man with two small children. I am at fault and she is at fault for not letting me know her wants. She simply did not stand up for herself in our relationship. I will regret this for a long time that I didnt recognize her wants or needs and thought I was being a great husband.
And now for your viewing pleasure , I submit to you one effed up dream that I had. Be aware that the author of this dream is very tired and trying to remember the details.
ITs 2:30 and I just had the strangest dreams. We were at a cottage and I asked her to ML and she complied as long as I didnt tell OM. When we finished, she wanted to Text OM and was doing so when I threw her BB out the window. Somehow he called and she was talking to him when I took the phone and started chirping him , calling him every name in the book and then challenged him to a fight. She was horrified and I said dont worry, he doesnt have the stones to show up and she said that he would.
He did, and when I looked at her , she had such admiration in her eyes and called him AD for some reason. He was mocking me and she was laughing and then we started throwing fists and since this is my dream , ( and in reality this would happen as well), I started to lay a beating on him. I looked up at her and she was pleading for me to stop with her eyes and I complied.
I let him up, and walked away and then for some reason they got into an arguement about something. Then I was on a second or third floor as he was walking upstairs, He said something negative to me, I picked him up and heaved him over a balcony where he somehow grabbed the railing and was dangling there.
I then pried his fingers loose, he fell to the concrete and his legs literally shattered off his body. I raced down to help him and then wondered if I was going to be arrested and charged.
Then I woke up with a massive feeling of WTF.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Dream means nothing faith, just lightening things up here and hoping to elicit a chuckle or two. Nothing more.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
You got a chuckle from me. That was some dream. I wonder what happened if he kicked your a$$ in your own dream? That would be a nightmare.
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I haven't posted to you in awhile it appears you are getting good advice.
There will not be one single thing that helps you detach and move on. It is a progression a series of steps and feelings. I think you are starting to get that and at least you are moving in the right direction.
Keep the faith.
I have no doubt you are the better option the question is if/when she realizes it what will you do?
I have told you from the beginning.
I have very little doubt she will "wake" up it's only a matter of time,
My problem and why I posted the way I did was not out of anger at you, but to make a point that if you are dreaming like this it's effecting you too much.
I don't know 9, I think you just need to forgive yourself by striving to be a better you and accept the fact that you are BETTER than the Predator(Scum). Let her figure out her reality and quit watching/thinking about "them". Again, easier said than done.
You staying up til 2:30am and thinking about this crap at this point is not healthy. Drop the rope and focus on your happiness in the here and now.
I can't remember who it is that has this in there sig, but "Don't stand Still". You have to continue to do things differently. The more you do, the less you will think of "them". Once she wakes up and knows that you are not there for her and that you are truly happy with yourself(Not living in the past), maybe then and only then will she feel "WTF was I thinking".
No worries faith. Just to be clear. I didnt stay up until 2:30, I awoke from the dream and just thought I would post it.
I didnt take your reply as anger, and even though I am NOT totally through with her, I have dropped the rope in chasing her. I dont know what is going on in her head and I am getting close to not caring.
That text she sent me 3 days ago I think was an attempt for me to open dialogue with her again but I am not taking that bait.
UPDATE:
Just got back from a very nice date with a girl from the city. I am being very cautious with her because although she does appear very nice, she does come with a lot of baggage and by that I mean, she has issues with her sister whose daughter she is raising. BEcause the sister was addicted to heavy drugs, they wanted to take her child and this girl selfessly , took in the child 10 years ago. Her sister lives in the same city as her and her daughter doesnt know that she has been adopted. The sister is better now but still has issues. Her other sister just got married last year but stole my date's boyfriend 6 months ago and ended her own marriage.
Her father own some cottages on my island and my date looks after them in the summer so she is close by. She is an educational assistant so she is in my field.
We had a very nice time, we went shopping for some things.( When I get off the island , I never miss a chance to pick up some things and she was cool with that) and then we had some dinner and a movie.
IDK, going to go awfully slow with this and just keep some company for now and see what happens in my life.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Slow pace is good. Start your goals with this lady small. Make sure she is aware of your sitch and your feelings. I'm sure you've told her, just be sure she knows you need to move slowly.
Only you know if and/or when you have closed the door. Only when you are very sure that is where you are, can you move on with a clear and respectful future.
